Sunny's Place

Annoying!

2012-02-10T15:12:00.002-05:00

It's my 500th post today! I wondered if I could list 500 of something to honour that big number. 500 things I like, 500 things I hate, 500 favourite songs? But I realized I don't have the time to sit and think of 500 anythings! And if I started such a task I would be consumed by it! My brain would keep going and going and going, desperate to think of 500 somethings!

So I'm not going to start any sort of long list. Instead I'm going to list a few ways my older child is presently driving me insane.

To clarify, I definitely love my child (both my children actually) more than anything else! But babies, toddlers, kids, and teens are annoying. Okay, people in general are annoying. I'm easily annoyed so yes, I realize it is ME who is the problem, not everyone else.

I could probably list 500 reasons why I love my child and I could probably list 500 ways he annoys me. But due to time constraints, I'll just riff off the annoyances that have been plaguing me the most over the past several weeks (maybe months?).

1. RJ turns the couch into his 'work truck' and piles it with tools: hard hat, lunch box, mirror, vacuum, pack sack, etc. Then he sits on the chair and watches his show, eats his snack, reads a book (or something else). I come in to the living room and start to move his tools so I can sit on the couch. RJ notices this and starts to freak out because he doesn't want his work truck damaged. Great imagination, except he's not allowed to monopolize ALL the furniture. I tell him that several times a day.

2. There are so many little items around the house that have become part of RJ's tool repertoire: the giant metre stick, the mirror from the bathroom, a whisk, a fork, a barbecue sauce brush, ten packs of gum, a notebook, and countless other things have become tools. RJ needs these tools and if I try to put them back so I can find them when I actually need them, RJ freaks out. He always remembers all his tools and knows, for example, if I put my kitchen timer back near the stove.

3. Sometimes RJ is excited to see JP. Sometimes he wants to be in the same room as him and chase him back and forth. Most of the time, RJ demands that JP be placed into the kitchen or behind the baby gate or ANYWHERE but here. But when RJ is sitting on the couch reading or drawing (or whatever), I tell him to sit near the back. Then when JP pulls himself up on the couch, he won't be able to reach. The idea is that JP will just stand there looking and smiling at RJ. Peace! Except RJ cannot handle JP being that close to him if it wasn't his idea. He sticks his foot out, which of course gets grabbed by a happy baby. So RJ kicks and kicks until baby falls down and cries. This is all while I'm practically screaming STOP, STOP, KEEP YOUR FOOT IN, DON'T KICK, STOP STOP STOP etc. this goes on about 5 or 6 times a day.

4. The boundaries are being tested a lot lately! A few times a day now, RJ will blatantly ignore what I say, do the exact opposite while looking me right in the eye, then cry hysterically when I tell him he disobeyed and that he made me sad. Example: I saw RJ holding a red crayon poised near the carpet. I told him not to draw on the carpet. He looked me in the eye and scribbled all over the carpet. Another example: we were checking on the banana bread . I told him not to open the oven. He looked me in the eye and opened the oven! I know it's just testing boundaries, but MAN!! The desire to strangle is strong!

5. I hate yelling at my child, but sometimes it's like he's asking for it. I know that seems horrible! RJ will do something he's not supposed to and we will ask him to stop. He won't stop. So we repeat over and over and over all the while raising our voice until we are full on screwing at him. Which makes me feel like an ass because every situation should not warrant a raised voice. Example: putting ingredients into the bowl, RJ starts stirring. I tell him not to stir yet because we need a few more ingredients. A simple little situation like this turns into, "RJ please don't stir yet. RJ? What did I just say? I said stop stirring. RJ please stop stirring. RJ stop! Stop! Stop please! STOP! STOP! CAN YOU HEAR ME!? STOP! WHAT'S WRONG? WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN?!?" I would seriously wonder about his hearing if he didn't have such a great vocabulary.

6. The baby talk regression. I get that it's normal. RJ is experimenting and seeing what happens if he acts like a baby. Many times throughout the day he'll just stop talking English and start babbling. And chewing on things. And trying to bite. And crawling around. It can be funny and cute. But it can also be horribly frustrating.

7. Sometimes I'm busy because I have to clean something or cook. Sometimes I just want to sit down for a few minutes. Repeatedly throughout the day, I'm asked to play. I do "play" lots with RJ but I can't all the time and I also think it's important to learn how to play independently. So while it can be annoying for RJ to be "at" me all day, asking to play, what's more annoying is that when I go sit down to play, I can't do anything right. Or I'm not allowed to touch anything. So playing with RJ mainly consists of sitting beside him while he does all the playing. To make it more interesting, I like to reach out and move a few cars around. Then watch the meltdown. Thankfully this behaviour is improving because it really had me worried about his future social interactions. Thank you daycare!

All right, that's all for now. It's okay if RJ googles this when he's older. In fact, I'll probably print it out and show him. I want him to know he's loved above all else, but that love definitely does NOT mean he's perfect. Momma's not perfect either of course. But on the most annoying of all annoying days, when I'm tired and ready to drop, I really do feel a bit more perfect than my imperfect preschooler.

It's Starting!

2012-02-09T10:25:00.003-05:00

School!

In September my first born baby will be in Junior Kindergarten! The journey has begun.

On Monday we went to an information night for parents all across the city. It was informative but kind of a waste of time (for us) because all the information is readily available on the Internet.

Then last night was school open house and registration. RJ was so excited as we walked the few blocks to the school. Every young person that walked or ran by, he said, "Is that kid going to school with me?!" He was quite shy at first but then warmed and introduced himself to everybody within ear-shot. Other parents were complimenting me on his politeness and his smarts! I felt strangely proud as my boy announced things like, "This is a letter R. My name starts with R." I saw a few parents' jaws drop.

It's a strange feeling to be proud of something over which I have no control: his behaviour and the fact that he's well versed in his letters, numbers, shapes, colours, animals, etc. He's interested in these things and therefore he knows them!

RJ saw a few kids that he knows from playgroup and he felt right at home, going around the classroom and checking out different activity centres. He was ready to go home, though, and tell Daddy all about our adventure.

In the coming months we'll be getting ready for school with a family barbecue night (at the school), Fair Start screening appointments (education officials who basically quiz RJ and observe him to see what he is and isn't ready for), first rider bus program (kindergarten children gather in the summer to ride the bus and prepare for what will happen in the school year).

I think RJ is definitely ready for the challenges that school will bring. He's preparing right now at his one-day-a-week day care. Junior Kindergarten will be two days a week, then senior Kindergarten will be three days a week. It's a nice way to ease into his schooling career.

Personally, I feel much to young to have a child in school. I feel like I just finished school myself, despite the fact that University graduation was nearly six years ago, never mind elementary school graduation! I showed RJ my picture on the wall at the school (with all the yearly Grad portraits) and he was quite impressed. Not because I was on the wall mind you, but because he wanted to count all the pictures.

And so it begins!

Mom-wired Brain

2012-02-07T14:12:00.001-05:00

Linda Sharps, writer for The Stir (and her amazing personal blog All & Sundry), has written this cute little piece about parental quirks and how a parent's brain gets re-wired after having children.

So, after becoming a parent, your brain will change. It will make you buy random weird stuff in gift shops (while on vacation) with which to surprise your children, it will make you think all crying babies on tv or radio are actually your own children, stuff like that.

The one that struck a chord with me was this:

I Always Hear Screaming in the Shower. Speaking of noises that aren't what they seem, I haven't taken a single shower in six years without being convinced that I'm hearing the muffled sound of a child screaming somewhere.

This is so true! Unless my baby was right there in the bathroom with me while showering (I used to do this with my first born), then I always always always hear noises when I'm in the shower. It's like they're coming through the running water. Sometimes I hear a kid (baby) crying, sometimes I hear the phone, sometimes I hear crashes. What I hear is almost always just a NOISE. Nothing is ever actually happening that needs my attention.

This article got me thinking about other weird things my brain has started doing since having children.

1. I hate watching any tv show or movie where a child is hurt/lost/killed/embarrassed, whatever!

2. If someone calls out MOMMY in a crowded or public area, I always look to see if it's my kid. Even if I don't recognize the voice. Hey, you never know, RJ could be practicing mimicry at the very moment he needs me to rescue him!

3. When I go shopping for groceries or for something I really need (pants, shoes), I can't stop myself from looking at the displays for children's items. This goes along with buying your kids strange random things at gift shops while on vacation. I need something but my brain won't let me shop selfishly. Nope, it's always thinking about the brats at home!

Thankfully, when my husband and I have a date night, we're still really good at talking about everything BUT the kids. We do talk about the kids sometimes but conversation about other things doesn't have to be forced. So there's that.

My brain may have been rewired back in August 2008, but at least I'm still capable of carrying on intelligent conversation without mentioning my offspring!!

Differences

2012-01-31T15:28:00.001-05:00

Our second-born son has been with us for almost a year now. I've spent many a reflective moment marvelling over their differences.

When JP was first born it was like I had given birth to my first son all over again. Many people, myself included, thought he looked exactly like RJ. I thought, oh they look the same but I guess JP is going to be the difficult baby because he cries and fusses all the time. Once the nutrition issues were sorted out, JP developed into mellow and easy going baby. RJ was also an easy going baby. So I thought, Oh they look the same and they act the same - weird.

But as JP is growing, the differences in their looks and behaviour are becoming more apparent. It's amazing to watch my kids grow and develop into little people with individual personalities.

JP has no sensory issues (so far). As an older infant, certain noises really started to bother RJ: the beads in a rain stick, some toy trucks, the roaring lion at the beginning of some movies, mooing toy cows, hair dryers, vacuums, and crying babies to name a few. He doesn't freak out too much anymore about these noises but he still doesn't like them. JP, on the other hand, is amused by them.

RJ used to be a pretty good eater. He would try everything given to him, but if he didn't like it, he would clamp his mouth shut. Then never eat it again. JP has yet to find a food he dislikes and even follows me from room to room if I have food in my hand. He begs like a little dog!

JP is more vocal than RJ was. It's to soon to know about actual words and phrases, but JP is always babbling, screeching, and growling. RJ babbled a lot but he rarely expressed himself in the firm of a screech or growl.

JP moves around with more intensity. RJ was often content to sit and play with toys or sit in his exer saucer for up to an hour at a time. JP does sit with toys but for shorter periods. He enjoys crawling around and does do with such force, you'd swear he was going to break through the floor.

The physical milestones seem to come later for JP. I've been told over and over that the younger one will do it all quicker because he has to keep up. But JP has smiled, laughed, rolled over, sat, crawled, pulled up, eaten solid food, all at a later age than RJ. So far no signs of standing alone or walking, which RJ did both before his first birthday.

JP is bigger than RJ was. Each appointment has him measuring and weighing taller and heavier. Which I find interesting because they were both born at 37 weeks gestation. Then again, JP started out a few ounces heavier and one inch longer. He had a head start in the size department.

People point out to me that JP has a rounder head, whereas RJ has a more oval shaped head. I think it's too early to tell how their body types will differ but I can notice now that JP does not have the same overlapping toes that RJ has.

I used to be able to make RJ laugh by doing something random - then do that random thing over and over and over, and RJ would keep laughing. JP smiles more than RJ did but he laughs less. And when I do get a laugh out of him, he doesn't laugh continuously about the same thing. He laughs a few times then stares at me like, "Okay, what else ya got?!"

I'm sure I'll notice more and more differences as they both get older.

Birthday Party

2012-01-29T13:06:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, we (myself, my husband, and RJ) went to a friend's third birthday party. The party was at a farm and it was quite cold out but we had fun looking at farm animals, having some lunch, and going on a sleigh ride.

We actually left early (before cake and presents) because once on the sleigh ride, RJ freaked out and wouldn't be consoled due to the wind and cold. We couldn't convince him he would warm up in the cabin. We had already been there two hours so we just went home.

The sleigh ride meltdown could indicate that we had a bad time, but on the contrary, it was the best birthday party (for one of RJ's friends) that we've ever been to!

For starters, RJ was excited about it! That was a first! He was waiting at the door half a hour before we were going to leave.

Another first: he actually ate food provided by the hosts. Granted it was mainly strawberries, tortilla chips, and a juice box, but I was still excited.

RJ ran around the barn with other children looking at the animals and feeding hay to the giant horses. And while in the cabin, RJ watched other kids run around and even started to join in the fun!

He even willingly talked to people! To other adults no less! He told me one of his little friends was looking for turtles so I said, you should tell his mom that! He walked across a busy room by himself to tell the mom that her son was looking for turtles. It was awesome!

Another time he said to me, Mom I think I hear my name being called. I said, I didn't hear anything but maybe you should investigate. He walked in to the kitchen where birthday boy's Gramma was and asked her if she was calling for him. She said she wasn't and RJ was satisfied with that answer.

He didn't get to have any cake (which would have been another first) but on the car ride home, he said, "Oh no, I didn't get any cake!" At that point I felt really bad and wondered if we should have just gone back in the cabin and hid in the bathroom or somewhere until RJ was calm again. But we were already in the car and thoughts of cake were replaced with the thought of a goody bag!

I am so glad we went to this party! And so glad we weren't too sick to attend, like the last three birthdays we were invited to! Seeing my little boy start to come out of his shell for regular childhood fun really warmed my heart.

RJ would probably be labelled anti social by a lot of people. But I'd like to just call him introverted. It's not a bad thing, but it does make socialising in an extroverted world a bit difficult (and often stressful). I don't want to force my kid to "have fun" because I remember how much I hated adults who tried the same thing when I was an introverted little child.

You have to race in the relay race! You have to play soccer! Don't you want to go down the ice slide? Come on, you have to dance! What's the matter with you, don't you like to have fun? It's not a true concert experience unless you're in the mosh pit!

And on and on. I've heard all that and more. Over and over and over throughout my entire childhood. It made me feel weird and unique, but not in a good way. If everyone was pointing out that I didn't know how to have fun, then it must be true. There must be something wrong with me.

Of course if I wasn't so shy and introverted, I could have just told everybody that people are different and have fun in different ways. You want to get out there and mosh, don't let me stop you! I'm perfectly content sitting here at the back, letting the music wash over me!

People don't get it.

If my son continues in his introverted ways, I'll be there to reassure him that he's not a freak because he doesn't run with the pack.

However, I also don't want him missing out on fundamental childhood experiences. Like birthday parties. And cake. Which is why yesterday was so awesome for me. My sweet little boy.

My plan is working...

2012-01-24T10:17:00.001-05:00

What plan? The plan to turn my child into a socially awkward outcast because he has no idea what all the cool kids are talking about.

Nah, he won't be completely out of touch when it comes to the music, tv, movies, and toys that all the kids at school are talking about. He isn't kept in a bubble devoid of all pop culture.

But he is kept in a "MOMMY'S NOSTALGIA" bubble.

I have this boy watching all my old favourite tv shows and movies on dvd (age appropriate of course) and he plays with all the old toys and reads all the old books that I've kept since my own childhood. In addition to that, his father and I make sure to sing him all kinds of old songs at bedtime.

The kid is so inundated with his mother's childhood, that he's already perfected his response to me when I excitedly tell him, "This book used to belong to mommy when she was a little girl!" Or, "I used to LOVE this movie when I was a little girl!"

The kid rolls his eyes at me!

I say, "Hey, RJ, guess what..." And he says, "Yeah mommy, I know, you loved this when you were a little girl..." *eye roll*

And lately, while he's been playing alone with his little sesame street toys (which were, of course, mine as a child), I've caught him singing, "Polly Wolly Doodle All Day..." Or, "Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"

I love it. My child is going to be a little old man who reminisces about the good old days, which happened 30 plus years before he was even a glimmer.

My plan is indeed working *evil laugh*

Eleven Months

2012-01-22T18:12:00.001-05:00

Dear JP

Today you are eleven months old!

You were still kind of sick at the beginning of this monthbut, thankfully, the majority of your eleventh month has been relativelysnot-free. It’s been so nice because you can breath better, therefore the sleeping has been better! On January 18^th, you slept for 9hours straight. Who knows how long it will be before that happens again, but at least I know it's possible.

You fell asleep twice by yourself this month, but for themost part, we’re still really struggling with getting you to fall asleep at napand bedtime without major help from mom or dad. By major help I mean we rock you to sleep or wrap you up tight so your arms can't move. If your arms or legs arefree, you can’t help but move them around and flail and kick and laugh aboutit. It’s all such a big joke! But then you can’t fall asleep. I’ve tried letting you cry for awhile butthat hasn’t worked yet. So I go to you,wrap you up again and see if it will work. It does work if you’re wrapped tight enoughbut then you sweat and wake up soaked. That can’t be comfortable. Atthis point I still feel like I’ll have to wrap you (swaddle you) when you’re 16in order to get you to fall asleep at night.

You’re doing pretty good with solid foods. You like most vegetables and fruits but youdo not like the pureed meat mixtures. Ican’t say that I blame you though, they do taste pretty foul. You’re very interested in food. You watch us obsessively if we have anythingin our hands (that is going to our mouths). You can eat just about anything if it’s soft enough and in small enoughpieces. I hope this interest in trying every food continues.

Your approximate schedule these days is as follows:

9am – wake up, bottle

10:30- bottle, nap

1pm – wake up, lunch of fruit veggies, cereal

2:30pm – bottle

4pm – bottle, nap

7pm – wake up, dinner of fruit, veggies, cereals, whateverwe’re eating

8:30pm – bottle

10pm – bottle, bed

Often you’re waking up once or twice during the night timehours, but usually you fall asleep quickly after a bottle. This schedule can change quite a bit, butbasically, what it’s showing is that you are down to two naps a day!

You absolutely love your big brother. You follow him around and want to be whereverhe is. It’s too bad he gets so annoyedwith you. He likes to chase you andtickle you and make you laugh, but only if it’s his idea. For the most part, he wants you in the otherroom with the gate up. He hates when youtouch his toys and move them from their designated spot.

Your other brother is very particular. Maybe you will grow up to be the same, butright now I see you as having a very laid back, jovial, and mellowpersonality. Maybe a laid backpersonality is common in second-born children – maybe you have to be like thatin order to survive having an older sibling who is so bossy about everything!

But you are always smiling. When big brother freaks out about something, you keep smiling. After having a tumble (and a quick cry), youare smiling. When you wake up (afteryelling for someone to come get you), you are smiling. Gramma says she doesn’t remember if she’sever seen another baby smile so much.

So while you’re crawling around smiling all the time, you’realso pulling up on EVERYTHING, including mom and dad’s legs. You want to be around people and you want tobe touching them. You plow into us whenwe’re on the floor with you, you want to sit in our laps, you just want someonewith you and touching you.

Sometimes youcry if you lose sight of us, but you’re also very good at playingindependently. There’s just so much tolook at and so much to put in your mouth. You like it when someone is with you, but you’re content toexplore by yourself as well.

You’re very fast on your hands and knees: you crawl aroundand make so much noise. It’s like youweigh 80 pounds! After pulling yourselfup on the furniture, I’ve caught you letting go and staying up right – just fora few seconds though. I don’t think you’llbe walking before your first birthday but I have a feeling you’ll be able tostand alone soon. For longer than a fewseconds I mean.

You’re saying MAMAMAMAMA and DADADADA a lot. I’m not sure if you connect those words withactual mom and dad yet, but I think you are starting to recognize yourname. If we call out to you, we canusually get you to stop in your tracks, look at us, and smile. Then again, everything makes you smile.

I’m so happy about all your smiling. I like to think it means I’m doing somethingright. I often feel really bad that Ican’t give you as much attention as I gave your older brother. I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility ofcaring for two children sometimes. Iwish I could give you undivided attention but it’s just not possible. But when you smile at me with unadulteratedadoration, I feel like I’m doing ok. You’rehappy and life is good. We love you little buddy!!

OH, one more thing: could you please tell Daddy and I why you always smell like honey? We don't get it, but your hair always smells like sweet honey.

Out-annoy the three year old

2012-01-20T16:56:00.001-05:00

Most people are quite aware of how annoying a pre-school aged child can be (really though, all ages are annoying in their own special way). The selective listening ability is particularly annoying, as is the repetitiveness (Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy?)

To combat the selective listening ability, I employ my own mom-brand of repetition. I don't actually know if my three year old gets annoyed by it but, after several minutes, it works.

And here's how it works:

Mom asks a regular normal every day question. Child gives no indication of having heard the question. Mom repeats the question over and over until child acknowledges and answers.

Example:
Mom: What would you like for dinner?
Child: ...
Mom: What would you like for dinner?
What would you like for dinner?
What would you like for dinner?
What would you like for dinner?
Child: Kraft Dinner
Mom: Ok cool, thank you for answering me.

I'm hoping that, over time, as my child gets more annoyed with me (because most kids reach an age where parents are annoying and embarrassing), he'll learn to listen and answer questions quicker. Because let's face it, in my quest to out-annoy my child, I'm also really annoying myself.

Child free spaces

2012-01-19T11:15:00.004-05:00

I believe that children are part of society and shouldn't be banned from most public places. Having said that, I believe there are places totally inappropriate for children.

A public park? I'm sorry, but you can't get annoyed at disruptive and noisy children playing and having fun at a playground, park, public outdoor area.

A family restaurant? Yep! Kids have just as much right to be there as an adult. Sure, they can be noisy and picky and gross, but how do they learn how to behave in public, if they have to stay home all the time. If you want a quiet romantic meal, don't go to McDonald's or Montanna's during dinner hour.

A city bus? A doctor's office? Dentist? Any waiting room any time? An airplane? Save your eye rolls. A stay-at-home parent has things to do besides just STAY at home. Groceries to buy, people to visit, doctors to see. Kids can't just stay in the play pen while mom or dad take care of business all day.

There are places you will go and children will be there because children are part of society and part of the world. BUT, a fancy restaurant? A bar? A late night concert? There are places that should stay kid-free.

But what about a wedding? That's a tough one!

I was just reading an article (somewhere) about child-free weddings. People are very divided on that issue. Some people say that if you have a wedding and invite family and friends, that should mean ALL family and friends, including the wee ones. Others say that children are too disruptive and would cause a scene.

I think it's really up to the bride and groom. Maybe a bride and groom want a fabulous celebration, complete with noise and chaos as that is what they enjoy and embrace. Maybe the bride and groom want something quieter.

The most common sense approach to the entire situation is as follows: Bride and groom decide if they want kids at their wedding; said decision is reflected on the invitation; family and friends think about it and decide if they can attend wedding based on their ability to secure child-care; Bride and Groom accept the decisions of friends and family. Both the invite givers and the invitees accept the fact that it's not a perfect world and nobody's feelings get hurt.

Of course, that's too logical to ever work.

In the past three years, I've been to five weddings. I had a babysitter for each event, though one invitation expressly stated that children were TOTALLY welcome to the ceremony.

The other four invitations were addressed to Mr and Ms Morningstar. No mention of the children! Children were present at all the weddings though. Aside from the one where children were encouraged to come, the children at the other weddings were part of the family and/or had a part in the ceremony (flower girls, etc). And I noticed a few breastfeeding infants too.

At three of these weddings, people came up to me for the sole purpose of asking, "Where's your baby?!" or "Where are your kids?" One person didn't even say hello to me, just, "Where's your baby!"

Did I miss something? I just told them their names weren't on the invitation. But if they were invited, I wouldn't want the responsibility of making sure my child was having a good time because otherwise how am I supposed to have a good time!? I don't know about you, but I want to talk and visit and have a drink. I can't do that if I'm trying to make sure my son consumes some sort of nourishment, stays close to me, stays out of the way of the wait-staff, etc.

I was raised to follow the invitation. My mom said that when she was a kid, my grandparents would attend events and people would ask about the kids. Where are the kids!? My grandmother would always respond like I did - they weren't invited! Which is why it was always so shocking when other attendees would show up with their 5, 6, or 10 kids. Mr and Mrs was on the invitation but they assumed that meant the whole family.

And this was 40 -50 years ago. Rudeness is hardly a new concept!

Common sense, common courtesy, and intelligence passed from my Grandparents, to my mom, and now to me!

Here's the thing: we know that children are a part of society and it's stupid to think you can avoid them as you go about your daily life. However, there are certain places where children should not be. That doesn't necessarily mean children should NOT be at a wedding, but it definitely does mean that if they aren't invited. If you aren't invited, you don't get the option of going. If you can't find someone to watch your kids, you stay home. Easy. Simple. Logical. End of story.

One of THOSE kids...

2012-01-16T20:01:00.001-05:00

When I was pregnant the first time, I worried that my unborn child would grow into a toddler with a speech impediment. It's an irrational worry, of course. So many children have trouble with certain letters and most of them grow out of it on their own or get speech therapy in school.

But I still worried. I did not want my child to be one of THOSE kids who couldn't pronounce the letter R. I initially wanted to avoid all names with the letter R so that my children could - if they had problems - pronounce their own name properly.

I remember my own name problem. Or rather, my speech problem.

A friend's mom asked me what my middle name was. I said Pearl. She heard Paula. She thought it was really nice I was named after my dad. I had no idea what she was talking about and let it go.

It was only several years later that I realized the way I said Pearl sounded like Paula. Retro-active embarrassment.

In grade four, I was excited because my brother and I were about to become pet turtle owners. I excitedly told one of my classmates the good news: "I'm getting turtles!!!"

She looked at me blankly and asked, "What are tootles!"

I angrily repeated, "TURTLES!" She just smiled and nodded. I thought she was crazy. I guess she eventually found out I got a pet turtle when it was my turn to bring my pet to class (bring your pet to school day).

Later that same year, I was spending recess walking around the schoolyard with my teacher. How cool was I? It wasn't that uncommon for all of the few friends I had to be absent on the same day. Rather than walk around the yard like a loner (I did that too), I would sometimes latch on to my teacher. As would a few other loner children. I'm sure she was thrilled.

I was in French Immersion so it was particularly thrilling when my teacher told me I could speak English during recess. So the other kids could understand. One recess, my teacher asked me where my parents were from. She wanted to know about my 'interesting accent.'

I froze. What accent? What is she talking about? I slowly said, "Well my mom is from Dryden...and my dad is from...Finland."

Which isn't true. But I justified it as being somewhat truthful because my dad's grandfather came to Canada from Finland.

"AAAhhh," said my teacher, "that explains it."

I think I was quite for the rest of the recess. My little nine-year-old brain was busy making connections. Pearl sounds like Paula....turtles sounds like tootles...?? I have an accent?

I think if I had been the swearing kind of kid, I would have said, "Awwwwwwww Shit!"

I was one of THOSE kids who couldn't pronounce the letter R. It only took me nine years to figure it out! Why didn't my mom ever tell me! She must have been so annoyed listening to me! I know I was annoyed by little toddlers who couldn't pronounce their Rs. OH MAN!

After my realization I made huge efforts to speak using words without the letter R. Also, if anyone asked, my middle name was Dawn or Lynn.

My brother actually went to speech therapy for his problem with the letter R, as well as a few other letters. Nobody ever said I needed it so my avoidance of the letter R must have worked. Plus I worked so hard (in private) to correct my pronunciation.

Kids can't help it, I know! But there was a very shallow part of me that was worried about my own kids inheriting my speech problems.

Right or wrong, I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized my first born son does not, in fact, have any problems with the letter R. He can't make the TH sound and says lellow for yellow, but I feel that's not as embarrassing as that dreaded letter R.

Now we're waiting on second-born son. Don't embarrass the family, JP.

Mini Babybels illustrating class difference

2012-01-13T11:56:00.000-05:00

We didn't live in poverty when I was a child, but my dad lost his job in 1991 and after that, every penny counted. My mom worked several jobs to keep us clothed, fed, and happy. And, for the most part, we were very happy! And part of that happiness included treats!

What parent doesn't like to surprise his or her children with treats every so often? About once a year, my mom would buy a small bag of Mini Babybel cheeses. Have you seen them? Have you tried them? They are divine!

Little lumps of Edam cheese (though there are other varieties), enrobed in pliable red wax, all wrapped up in crinkly red plastic. As you can see there is five cheeses in a cute little mesh bag. My brother and I would get two and a half each!

I don't know how much this particular product sold for twenty years ago but whenever I've looked at it in the store, I always think it's too expensive. I've always considered this little package of cheese to be an amazing luxury item. One which I've never actually purchased as an adult living in my own home.

When I was 18, I went to Ottawa with a friend of mine and her mom. We stayed with her aunt, uncle, and cousins. It was a gorgeous big house but none of the grandeur impressed me like what was in their fridge.

The aunt would tell my friend and I to help ourselves to whatever was in the fridge. When I looked in the fridge I was shocked - SHOCKED - to see a large mesh bag FULL of Babybel cheeses. This family went all out with several packs of twelve. I couldn't believe it! Not only could they afford more than five Babybels but they were willing to share. And I wasn't even part of the family! I never shared my Babybels with anyone! NEVER!

I guess, at that moment, I kind of realized that not every family fills up their fridge in the same way. When you make more money, things that are treats to some people are everyday items to other people.

Even ten years later, I still picture that crisper drawer full of Babybels with awe and reverence. It still amazes me. At 18 years old, in the presence of such bounty, I could only bring myself to eat one of the little cheeses. Despite assurances and invitations, part of me really didn't believe that this luxury item was up for grabs to anyone.

Regression

2012-01-10T09:56:00.001-05:00

When I brought the new baby home a lot of well-meaning and friendly people warned me about regression from my first born.

I didn't know what to focus my worry on because first born wasn't potty trained yet and his sleep schedule has always been sporadic.

For the first few months, RJ was intrigued by little JP. He gave him kisses and hugs and liked to gently poke at him and make faces and noises. Other than that, RJ's life was relatively unaffected by the newest little family member.

As the newest family member began growing and resembling a human being, RJ's life was affected. The baby grabbed at toys, the baby made funny noises, the baby rolled over, the baby can sit, the baby can crawl!

RJ noticed the positive reactions JP was getting from all his cute baby activities and acted accordingly. Now, one of RJ's favourite games to play is 'baby' wherein he rolls over, crawls, fake cries, and says, OOOOOOO, and MAMA, and DADA! Then he says, "Look at me mom, I'm a baby! I'm JP!"

I guess it's creative and imaginative on his part, but I still find it kind of annoying. I'm continually trying to remind RJ to act like a big boy. Then he tells me he doesn't want to be a big boy. Sometimes he even real cries because he doesn't want to get big and grow up.

To think, what must be going on in his head? He had a great little life as the sole focus of his parent's lives. Then this new kid waltzes in and everybody thinks it's cute when he farts. Or does something that doesn't seem exciting to a three year old (crawl, sit, etc).

So I guess this is the regression. Yes, it's a bit annoying but it could always be worse. At least he's not squatting in the middle of the living room floor.

Playdate Doom

2012-01-09T15:16:00.002-05:00

I've recently written about my three year old's double personality when it comes to behaviour around the baby. He is a loving and wonderful little boy, calmly playing his make-believe games and then, the baby wakes up. All of a sudden my charming little cutie-pie transforms into a nasty and feral wildebeest. It's very easy to love the 'good' boy and very easy to dislike the 'bad' boy.

The same can be said about interactions with other children. It's not just the baby that gets him in such a tizzy. In the past year, RJ has gotten worse and worse with his social skills. But just with other kids. He can converse and express himself very well with almost every adult he meets.

Anyway, I used to love watching him play with other little babies and toddlers but lately, I really dread getting together with other moms/kids.The first twenty minutes of today's play-date was great. I falsely believed that it was all going to be good and I was worried for no reason. In every play-date we have, the first twenty minutes or half an hour passes uneventfully. RJ shares and is very excited to see the other child! Then he reaches his limit, after which, anything and everything sets him off. The child somehow annoys or offends RJ and the epic meltdowns begin. RJ is put into another room where he screams and I (and the other mother) try to ignore him. I feel really embarrassed when this happens.

The problem with other kids (and baby brother) is that they don't do what they're supposed to. RJ has very specific ideas about how his toys are to be set up and what they are supposed to do. Games are to be played a certain way and certain patterns must be followed. The average pre-schooler doesn't understand this. RJ hates that he can't control the way another child is playing and this is probably why he devolves into a sobbing mess of hysteria. When I invite a child-free friend over for tea, RJ loves to visit and socialize and have conversations.

So do I stop having play-dates? I don't want to just stop visiting with friends who have children.

Although it actually does get easier to stop visiting as more and more go back to work full time.Part of me says that this is just a normal phase in the life of a neurotic and eccentric child. He'll eventually learn to harness his outbursts and behave better in social situations. But yes, he'll still be an oddball.

Another part of me is very worried. My child hates children and he'll never have any friends. He'll live in my basement forever, following his rigid routines and counting socks and flicking light switches 100 times.

Not enough television

2012-01-06T13:22:00.001-05:00

I know too much tv isn't good for kids. They should be reading, drawing, colouring, building block towers, building Legos, running around outside, playing any number of make-believe games, and about a thousand other brain-building activities.

Playing, for young children, is just learning. And yes, you can learn lots from the myriad of educational kids' shows available, but it's just common sense that actively DOING something is better for brain development than passively letting the glow of the television screen wash you over with information.

BUT, having said all that, I think there are some awesome tv shows out there for kids (even if they are annoying) and RJ has learned so much from his favourite little cartoon characters. Not to mention, live-action amazingness like Sesame Street and Mr Dressup. If I could find Fred Penner's Place on DVD, you know I'd be all over that shit!

So even though I know tv is second place compared to play/learning time and parental interaction, I've relied on it A LOT as a make-shift baby-sitter. I believe a lot of parents do.

I'm not a morning person and when RJ wakes up at the crack of dawn, I put a show on until I can function like a normal person. When I have a shower, something is on the tv to distract from the fact that I'm not RIGHT THERE beside him. Often when I've cooked dinner in the past, the tv has been on. When the boy is sick or when the mama is sick, the tv is on. And you better believe that tv was on during almost the entirety of my second pregnancy! Oh, and when I was recovering and busy with a newborn? Tv was the answer.

So, too much tv? Guilty as charged.

Or rather, there USED to be too much tv. Because the strangest thing has happened! RJ doesn't want to watch it anymore! He likes sitting for his morning show, but after a little while, he gets up and turns the tv off and says, Done!

And I should be thrilled!

Instead I'm overwhelmed. RJ is good at independent play but in order to get there, I have to first tell him no and then hear a tantrum and then ignore him for a while. RJ is also very good at hanging off me talking my ear off and begging me to play this game or that, every minute of every day. Unless daddy is home. And I enjoy playing with him, I just can't do it all the time.

I'm pulling out my hair because we've all been so sick since October! Colds, flues, and Jai is now recovering from wisdom teeth removal. The lack of sleep we've been suffering is palpable. I'm often exceedingly high on stress and very low on patience.

The tv, my once helpful babysitter, sits silent. He tries to offer help for a few minutes, only to be shut down. RJ is sick of the tv. But me, I'd gladly welcome him back into my home for an extended visit.

I am here to ruin imagination!

2012-01-03T11:53:00.001-05:00

RJ likes Franklin books and the cartoon based on the books. Over the past week he's been pretending Franklin, his mom, his dad, and his little sister Parriet (Harriet) are the family who lives in his new (Christmas present) dollhouse.

I thought it would be sooooo cute if I actually found a little turtle family to live in the dollhouse for all the little imaginative adventures that were happening.

We found some Schleich turtle figurines and gave them to RJ and... he was disappointed and sad!

He told me: "Mom, I don't like these turtles. I was using my imagination! It was pretend!"

Ouch!

Message received! I was just TOLD my a three year old.

Lesson: just stop trying to perfect the games of make-believe! He's fine! Stop ruining all the imagination in the house!

A tale of two three-year-olds

2012-01-02T14:07:00.001-05:00

I gave birth to a boy in August 2008. So technically I have a three year old son. Most days, however, I feel like I have 2 three year old sons!

The first one, the one that I really like, is smart, funny, adorable, polite, and well behaved. He could play for hours by himself with his giant imagination, he loves to draw and look at books and he's working very hard at matching all the letters of the alphabet to the sounds they make. He says please and thank you and you're welcome and I love you. He wants to help us (his father and I) do everything, from cooking, cleaning, making tea, baking muffins, fixing the gate, and so much more. He has such a wide array of interests from legos, trucks, dolls, tools, planes, trains, toy kitchen, animals, toy cleaning supplies, and so much more. He asks lots of questions, he observes so much about the world around him, he sings for us, tells us stories, likes to play games, and on and on and on. I could list so many wonderful things about this little boy whom I love so much. So many wonderful things! The only things that bug me about this wonderful little boy are his BAD eating habits, his inability to transition well from one activity to the next, and his nightmares that require a lot of nighttime attention. But those things aren't really bad, just annoying.

That's the first boy. The second boy is...don't make me say it!! Don't ask me if I like him and I won't have to lie! As soon as the little brother enters the room, the awesome three year old has some sort of mental breakdown! He immediately devolves into a crying toddler who can't stop kicking and screaming! He demands that we put JP into the exer-saucer, hold him still, barricade him in the kitchen, or put him back to bed. He no longer amuses himself quietly with toys, books, or craft stuff, but becomes obsessed with the fact that JP is nearby and could potentially touch one of his toys at any moment! He grabs poor baby and pulls him far away, then lays on him until mom or dad comes to the rescue. If we comply with the demand to barricade baby in the kitchen, annoying boy is replaced by awesome boy and all returns to peace and zen.

We explain to our awesome boy time and time again that the baby is part of the family. He lives here and he can't always be separated from us. Part of being a family means being together, learning to share, and being patient. I've lost count of these discussions and I've lost count of how many promises of better behaviour we've extracted.

Nothing works. I'm exhausted, frustrated, and angry. I'm also angry with myself for how angry I get at a three year old. I'm also sad because I really want my children to be friends. I know a baby/toddler relationship doesn't mean anything regarding a future friendship...but I worry.

And, of course, I cave. I give in. To keep the peace, I just put the baby in the kitchen. He's totally happy crawling around destroying things. He doesn't know he's being separated.

Is this normal? Do other older siblings become unlikeable assholes in the presence of a newly mobile younger sibling? Do they grow out of it?

I know a three year old is a person and people do need alone time. But I don't always want to be dividing myself between two rooms. I will anyway, though, because as much as I dislike barricading the baby, I hate the screaming even more: the screaming and flipping out from that nasty three year old boy that I'm required by law to love.

Oh, and even more maddening (and altogether heart-melting), sometimes my older son will just run up and hug and kiss the baby. And he'll say, "I love you JP!" Or we'll be out and he'll say, "I really miss JP!"

Seriously?! Showing me that love makes me even more frustrated during the visits from Annoying McNasty!

Resolution

2011-12-31T19:05:00.001-05:00

I never make sweeping resolutions like, "I will lose 20 pounds" or "I will stop biting my nails." I hate making definitive statements like that because I know I will inevitably disappoint myself.

Instead let me say 2012 is going to be a year of trying. I'm going to try to be more patient with my oldest son, try to eat healthier, try to be more organised, and try to complete some of my unfinished projects.

No pressure though. I'm not perfect but I'm trying to be the best version of myself that I know I can be.

Happy New Year everybody!!!

Christmas Let Down

2011-12-29T22:31:00.001-05:00

I thought this was going to be the year! This was supposed to be the year where my first born son was ecstatically excited about Christmas and ridiculously rambunctious in the wee hours of Christmas morning!

I wanted him to ask me impatiently how many days were left until Christmas. I wanted him to marvel over the empty plate and glass in the morning. I wanted him to run to his stocking, overflowing with glee about Santa's visit. I wanted him to squeal with glee about The gifts he received.

None of that happened!

We did have a great Christmas day though. I have to stop forming pre-conceived ideas about the way my boy is going to act and react in certain situations. He is an eccentric little lad so why should I expect him to act like a "normal" child?

RJ opened his presents slowly and carefully and loved everything, but he just doesn't squeal. At least not this year. RJ was intrigued with Santa Claus but didn't show much excitement about his visit. But the weeks of him serenading us with Christmas carols more than makes up for that. Not to mention the contemplative conversations about reindeer, Jesus's birthday, the North Pole, and decorations. I love my smart and curious little boy!

JP, of course, acted the way I expected: he ate paper and basically crawled around, explored everything, giggled, and smiled. A First Christmas success!

It's dumb that I felt kind of let down with how RJ acted at Christmas. I've seen him grow up and should be able to predict these things. This is the kid who refuses to eat birthday cake. At his own birthday parties or any other. And we DID have a lovely holiday. I'm not ungrateful. Not at all.

I guess I just expected that THIS was going to be the year when everything finally clicked! I love Christmas and really want my children to share my joy and excitement.

Here's to next year!

Presents part 2

2011-12-24T22:50:00.001-05:00

As stated in the previous post, I love giving gifts. And of course, I love giving gifts to my children!

I was hoping this would be the first year that RJ was really excited about Christmas because I'm quite excited about the gifts we've purchased for him.

I'm not sure he understands Christmas yet but he's more excited than he was last year. And I'm wondering which gifts he'll be most excited about and which, if any, gifts will make a memory. Meaning, will he even remember this Christmas when he's older? Will any of these gifts I've so thoughtfully picked out stick in his mind without the aide if photographic evidence?

I don't think I remember anything about my Christmas at age three, though I vaguely remember wearing a sheep costume in the church pageant.

The presents I remember receiving and loving are as follows:

Talking Computron and a doctor's kit at age 4

A globe (unsure of age without looking at the old pictures)

An alarm clock

A cassette player

A DVD player

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers box set, Playback

I can remember other little random things, like a My Little Pony, books, CDs, etc, but those listed above are the biggies in my memory!

In the grand scheme of things, I hope I'm able to impress upon my children the beauty and joy of giving thoughtful and heartfelt gifts to other people. But on a smaller scale, I really do want my children to love the gifts I've chosen.

I think every parent (generally speaking) wants to bring the magic at Christmas! We all want to make lasting memories!

Present time!

2011-12-24T08:49:00.001-05:00

I've always lived giving gifts to other people!

Correction: I've always loved giving gifts to people who appreciate it and who actually like things. Any things.

It's hard to buy for someone who doesn't say thank you and who has no interests outside of drinking and smoking.

Yeah, I'm talking about dad again. Big surprise!

He does like some things but I can't afford power tools or a vehicle and yeah, I don't give cartons of cigarettes or cases of beer as Christmas gifts. Just not my style.

My mom doesn't want all the traditional gifty stuff (jewelry, candy, flowers) but she's easy to shop for. I spend all year picking things up that I think she'll like. Then a week before Christmas - or a few days - I feel guilty that I got nothing for my dad. So I say, Mom, do you have anything for dad that we can give him? She usually has a couple things.

But the guilt. Yesterday I sent Jai to the store to pick up food stuff that I know he eats: red rose tea, gum, kippers, butter, spam, sugar cubes. I don't know if he'll like it and I know he won't say thank you, but at least I won't feel guilty when I put a pile of thoughtful presents in my mom's lap.

He really takes all the fun out of it!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Ten Months

2011-12-22T21:42:00.001-05:00

Dear JP
Today you are ten months old. I'm in denial about the fact that your baby-hood is coming to an end. But as you're cruising around like a little speed demon, I can see that the end is near!

So yes, you are moving FAST! At the end of last month, you were crawling tentatively and still stopping for a lot of rests on your tummy. But now there's no stopping you! You don't really like your exer-saucer anymore because you want to be moving and exploring. You pull yourself up on everything and you've almost mastered the art of getting back down without falling. But you still do fall a lot. Lots of tears but you always recover quickly, ready for more exploring.

Despite the constant moving, this month has been quite difficult! You had a very brief period of health, followed by almost a full month of sickness. You're finally starting to feel better but the past four weeks have been mostly full of so much snot, coughing, and lack of sleep.

You had trouble breathing so of course you couldn't sleep. Well, not very well anyway. Most of the time, you were able to sleep for long stretches of time, but you had a really hard time actually falling asleep. We had you sleeping in the swing for awhile but then you decided you hated that. Now that you're relatively healthy again, we're trying to get you to self sooth to sleep. You need to be wrapped up tight in order to fall asleep but it takes a really long time. I've been trying to just put you down in your crib and let you cry for a bit, then go back, comfort, put down, leave, repeat. So far my attempts at getting you to fall asleep on your own have been unsuccessful. Hopefully I will have a better report this time next month! Because I'm tired!

There was a lot going on in your mouth this month: November 30th ushered in your 6th tooth, December 5th your 7th tooth, and finally, just squeaking in on the 21st, your 8th tooth!

And also going in in your mouth? Food! You haven't been eating a whole lot because you lost your appetite for solid food while sick, but you seem to really enjoy a variety of purreed foods when in the mood!

So things have been growing in your mouth, things have been going in your mouth... But there's been stuff coming out of your mouth too! The amount of vomit that we've seen this month is more than that of the first nine months of your life and all three years of your brother's life combined! With the cold came coughing and almost every time you coughed, it was accompanied by loads of projectiled semi digested formula! Your father and I, and the car, and your crib, and the couch, and every floor in the house have been covered in vomit at some point in the past month.

Your big brother thought your epic vomit was quite amusing when he witnessed it. And sometimes he laughs at the little cute things you do, like clap your hands, shake your head back and forth, and saying dadadadada, neh, mamamama, and bababababa. Oh, and he loves watching your drool hit the floor.

Unfortunately, he does not love when you come too close to him or touch his stuff. Poor brother, just wait until you start walking!

I think you're almost down to two naps a day. The cold really threw your sleep schedule out the window, but at the end of the month, you're mostly set with two naps. Then when it's bedtime you fights sleep for a couple hours. So maybe that long and drawn-out fight is your third nap. Until you actually fall asleep for the night. At that point, you're often down for about 8 or 9 hours.

Here's an approximate schedule:
9am - wake up, bottle, play
11am - bottle, nap
1pm - wake up, lunch of cereal and fruit and veggies, play
2pm - bottle
3pm - bottle, nap
6pm - wake up, dinner
7:30pm - bottle
9pm - bottle, fight sleep
10:30pm - bottle, sleep

I always find it so amazing how quickly your schedule can change from week to week. Just as I'm amazed at how quickly everything about you changes! You know, back to the whole in-denial-about-your-babyhood-ending thing. The day-to-day of caring and watching you (and your brother) can be quite draining (both physically and emotionally), buy I wouldn't change any of it. In fact, sometimes I'd like to freeze time! Now, will you please stop changing so fast!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Shopping for children

2011-12-11T09:57:00.001-05:00

We've always lived in the same city as my dad's adopted family.

When I was young, I enjoyed the holiday gatherings because it was hectic, chaotic, and fun. My brother and I were nine years younger than the cousin closest to us in age, so naturally, we were spoiled and doted upon.

When I was young, there were 7 regular people in addition to our family of four - with the potential of 6 more, depending on the year.

Fast forward twenty years: one aunt and uncle have moved to a retirement town and never make contact; one cousin moved to the States (where she is married with three children); one aunt is divorced and has all but cut off contact with the family (not a big loss); one aunt is dead; two more cousins moved to the States and usually come home in in the summer; my brother moved to Alberta - lucky bastard.

Now our family Christmas dinner consists of my amazing selfless mother (who continues to do all the work for this strange family), my dad (who complains the whole time), my 82 year old Uncle and his 53 year old son (who is unable to have a conversation), my 51 year old Uncle and his 47 year old girlfriend (both are socially awkward and cannot communicate past a 10 year old level). Oh yeah, and me, Jai, and the boys!

Thank the sweet Lord for children! They really do make the holiday get-togethers bearable (if they happen to be UNbearable!).

I wonder if my brother and I as young adorable children made these get-togethers bearable for my mom...

One thing that hasn't changed over all the years is that the youngest members of the family are spoiled with gifts.

I can remember, as a young child, getting amazing gifts from two aunt and uncle couples, and presents from their four combined children (who loved shopping for their wee cousins), and always a movie from another uncle. There was always Christmas money in there too.

I loved getting all the gifts, but I also remember being embarrassed and guilty. These people, who I only saw a few times a year, are spoiling me rotten!

And the guilt is still here, twenty-some years later. These people (now just my one old uncle) are buying my boys presents - and they only see them a few times a year!

Every family has problems and this strange ever-shrinking mixture of people is no exception. As an adult I can practically grab 'hold of the dysfunction and squeeze it! And it's probably faulty to think that the other socially aware adults are not aware of that dysfunction.

Again, thank God for the children! My brother and I brought out joy and magic in a stale family tradition that had been stagnating for years prior to our arrival.

And it got worse and worse until my first child was born. What a lot of responsibility for my boys! The youngest members of a family are again revitalizing something that's been dead for years.

So, in that regard, perhaps those gifts that I feel so guilty about accepting are very much deserved.

Besides, people love shopping for babies and children. My 82 year old uncle said these babies are the only ones he's got and ever will have (again) - we can't take away his joy of shopping for children!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Santa Claus is Coming to Town...

2011-12-05T12:50:00.001-05:00

I think this is the year that RJ understands about Santa Claus. He knows we went to the mall to see him, he recognizes him in Christmas themed cartoons, and he know we write and mailed a letter to him.

I wasn't going to do the whole 'Santa thing' because I worried that the eventual truth would scar my child and he'd think I was a liar. But after RJ's first Christmas, I had a change of heart. I remembered my few years as a Santa believer and didn't feel scarred or betrayed at all.

I don't remember the actual age I stopped believing, maybe five or six. But prior to that, I have magical memories about going to see Santa, Santa coming to visit out house and bringing donuts, leaving cookies and carrots out the night before, and waking up to some amazing spreads on Christmas morning.

I also remember being skeptical. I asked the Santa who came to our house why his eyes were brown and the Santa at the store had blue eyes. And why was his voice different? His answer was that the cold night air sometimes affected his appearance. I accepted that.

I don't remember my age or the time of year, but I remember being in the kitchen and asking my mom if Santa was real. She said, No, he's not, but maybe we could keep pretending for little brother. I loved the idea of being in on a big secret with my parents!

So once RJ was up and running around as an adorable little toddler, I started thinking about my own childhood memories. Obviously growing up in a non Santa household isn't going to ruin a child, but I started really wanting to do the Santa thing. I can't see any reason to not do it.

My dad is a firm believer that anything not of Jesus is paganism (which is ludicrous) and by teaching our kids about Santa, we're neglecting the true meaning of Christmas and will probably go straight to hell.

Well. First of all, Jesus may be the reason for the season, but that is a relatively new development, historically speaking. Many scholars believe that Jesus was born around March. Also, I've heard discussed that Celebrating Christ's birth in December was the Christian response to the Pagan celebration of Yule or Solstice. So...dad, Santa isn't Pagan, but the original Christmas IS. Get your facts straight.

Second of all, can't we teach our children about all of it? Santa for fun; Yule and Solstice for history and nature appreciation; the birth of the creator for spiritual reasons. Put it all together and get a beautiful holiday filled with peace, love, and generosity. I don't see any conflicts and I don't see a one way ticket to hell.

But you know what I do see? A drunken hypocrite who is so depressed and sick that he can't even accept the idea of his grandchildren having some magical fun at Christmas time!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Is this everything?

2011-11-26T08:10:00.001-05:00

When I go to a particular store, the cashier always asks, "Did you find everything you were looking for?"

I always say YEP, even if I didn't. Why do I do this? It's not as if I expect the cashier to magically pull what I need from behind the till.

But last night, I couldn't find milk, formula, peanut butter, and about four other things I was hoping to find.

Why pretend I'm totally satisfied when I'm not?

Overly polite Canadian?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Nine Months

2011-11-22T09:59:00.001-05:00

Dear JP

Today you are nine months old. As recently as a few days ago, someone asked me how old you were and I quickly answered eight months. I had NO idea that it was already so close to the 22nd and that eight months was no longer your reality.

How did that month go by so quickly?

I think I know! It was the lack of sleep that had the whole house walking around in a delusional fog, not knowing the time, date, or season. And by the whole house, I mean the parents.

The beginning of the month, everybody was sick. RJ was sniffling and coughing, but he was still sleeping ok (except for coming into our bed multiple times a night). You, on the other hand, could not sleep more than an hour at a time because your nose was so clogged up. I caved (under the pressure of no sleep) and put you to bed in your swing. Propped up in that position allowed you (and therefore us) to sleep all night. You slept in your swing for a week, and while you were quite drippy and gross, you remained happy and smiley.

But then, when you started feeling better, I couldn't get you to fall asleep in your bed. DUH says a whole chorus of parents around the world. Now, at the end of the month, I'm attempting to sleep-train you, whatever that means. I'm alternately swaddling you (because you cannot sleep if your hands are free) or putting you in bed to cry for a little while. Yes, a little while - I'm not letting you cry for hours at a time. You and your crib (and a whole bunch of diapers) have made the move to the top floor of the house. I feel bad that you're far away from the family during the night but it's better that way since you're getting so loud when you wake up. And as much as I think your brother deserves a good rousing in the middle of the night (pay back for all the torture he inflicts upon you during the day), I don't want to deal with the after-effects of a tired RJ. He's a tantrum monster when he's tired.

When you do fall asleep, you sleep quite good. About 11pm to 7 or 8am the next morning. Your new schedule (generally speaking) is as follows:
8am - wake up, bottle
9am - bottle, nap
11am - wake up, food (cereal, fruit, veggies, etc)
12:30pm - bottle
2pm - bottle, nap
5pm - wake up, food
6:30pm - bottle
8pm - bottle, nap
8:30pm, wake up
9:30pm - bottle
11pm - bottle, bed

As you can see, you are down to three naps a day. Sometimes two, but it never goes beyond three anymore. You're also doing quite well on the solid food front. You no longer choke and spit out almost everything that goes in your mouth. You are loving the baby cereal and enjoying most of the fruit and veggies you've tried (in pureed form): peas, beans, squash, carrot, sweet potato, apple, banana, bear). You're also really enjoying the rice husks, puffs, cheerios, and some really mushy chunks of carrots, and tiny pieces of orange. Of course, you choke a lot, then vomit up your food, then look at the vomit, and eat it again. It's really quite charming.

You are definitely on the move this month. You're getting very good at sitting and you are able to move from a sitting position to crawling (and vice versa) pretty easily. You do not like to lay on your back at all and hate to be held still. I wish I could force you to sit still because I'm really not done having a baby to cuddle yet! But you want to move move MOVE! You crawl all around the house (with frequent rest breaks down on your tummy), you pull yourself up on everything you can reach (as of November 12), and you are putting everything your hand touches into your mouth. The floors are covered in your drool, which is much preferable to the beginning of the month when they were covered in your drool AND snot.

Because you're moving all around now, RJ's toys and playing areas are no longer safe. You desperately want to be where the big brother is. If you're sitting still, in your exer-saucer, then you stare and stare and smile and smile at RJ. But if you are unrestrained, you want to go where he is. RJ does NOT like this. He screams at you to go away and screams for mom and dad to make JP stop. He tries to tell me that you WANT to be held and that you are scared of his toys. He is constantly freaking out about you looking at his stuff, touching his stuff, and crawling towards his stuff. I'm SO excited for the coming months (and years)! I can't wait to start separating actual fist fights. Yeah right. Oh well, despite the torture, you still love your brother. You cry a lot when he knocks you over, but you're very quick to smile again.

You're always quick to smile! Anything and everything makes you smile and giggle (though it's always hard to predict what will incite a giggle in you. I'm definitely enjoying this period where everything I do can make you smile. Making funny noises and faces doesn't generally get smiles from big brother anymore.

Two new teeth this month, top right on November 4th, and top (next to the top left) on the 13th). New teeth are in your mouth and new sounds are coming out of your mouth! You say dadadadadadad all the time (or just a really loud DA!) and you also say nananananana and bababababa and - MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE - mamamamamama!!

I'm personally convinced that you're saying, MAMAMAMA I LOVE YOU MAMAMAMA YOU'RE THE BEST MAMAMAMA!! And to that I must say, right back at ya! I love you JP, you're the best!! If you want to make me happy forever, please stay cute and cuddly. Failing that, please just skip right over the tantrums in your toddler years. I'll buy you a pony.

Terrible Threes

2011-11-13T11:02:00.001-05:00

I think babies are adorable and wonderful (though very needy and dependent) because we need to have a huge storehouse of love and patience built up into our hearts for when the toddler years hit.

Terrible twos is a myth because not every child is 'difficult' at age two. My oldest son was an angel at age two, it's age three that is killing me!

When he was two, RJ loved to follow directions, he slept wonderfully, and his tantrums consisted of him laying down on the floor.

I thought maybe I won the toddler lottery! I thought, this is the terrible twos and it's only going to get better! AND I fully expected my second child to be a demon spawn during the terrible twos, so it's not like I thought that any sort of parenting skill had shaped my first born into the angel that he was.

I wonder if RJ would have changed so much if he had stayed an only child or if he is just experiencing a natural part of development at age three, rather than age two.

Or another theory: a lot of parents tell me that their two year olds have crazy tantrums because (maybe) they can't make themselves understood. RJ was very communicative and clear with his desires at age two. There really wasn't a lot of trouble figuring out what he wanted to tell us. Now, however, he is a self centered three year old who can tell us what he wants, tests limits, push boundaries, and cajolingly try to convince us his way is best.

Whatever the reason, the terrible threes are wiping us out. Most of the time I'm good at ignoring but sometimes, I just want to smack him (I don't actually do it).

The biggest problem is sudden change.

He doesn't want to stop playing down stairs to go upstairs = freak out

He doesn't want to stop playing inside to go outside = freak out

He doesn't want to stop playing outside to come inside = freak out

He doesn't want to stop playing at home to go to Gramma's house...

He doesn't want to stop playing at Gramma's house to come home...

He doesn't want to stop playing to eat dinner...

He doesn't want to stop playing to get into the bath...

He doesn't want to get out of the bath

He doesn't want to go to bed

He doesn't want to stop reading books

He doesn't want to do this

He doesn't want to do that

Everything might be fine all day long if we didn't make him do something (anything) because eventually he realizes a need and wants to do it. He'll eventually tell me he's hungry/wants a bath/wants sleep, etc. So if I just do everything for him when it's his idea, we'd live a much quieter (tantrum-free?) life. Too bad that's not the way life works!

We are working on the sudden change thing with warnings (of what's coming up) and setting a timer.

I do understand that the tantrums are a natural part of learning to express feelings and regulate emotions. But I really hope the terrible threes lead directly to the fabulous fours!

Oh, and I really hope that my wee infant son never has a tantrum in his life (delusional/wishful thinking).

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Remembrance Day

2011-11-11T16:53:00.001-05:00

37 Weeks

2011-11-08T18:00:00.003-05:00

Dear JP

Today you are 37 weeks old. You were born at 37 weeks gestation so that means you have been living outside the womb as long as you lived inside the womb! This is the only time in your short little life where your time inside and outside the womb will be equal.

The 37 weeks you were inside me were a little better than your brother's first 37 weeks. I threw up less, though my heartburn was much worse. I put on more weight with you, but it came off just as quickly as did my weight gain with your brother.

The first 12 weeks of your existence in the outer world were quite stressful. You were very cute and tiny but you cried A LOT and you stunk SO bad! Eventually we figured out your troubles were caused by the wrong food and we made the switch to expensive lactose free formula.

It does cost quite a bit but the latter part of your 37 weeks in the outer world have been SO MUCH BETTER! You've transformed into an extremely happy and perpetually smiling baby.

We love you baby boy, and we look forward to the next 37 weeks, and the next and the next and the next....

Mighty Machines

2011-11-05T13:26:00.004-04:00

Mighty Machines is a Canadian Television show for kids all about trucks, planes, trains, tractors, boats, back-hoe loaders, dump trucks, and all kinds of other vehicles and machines. The machines all have names and they talk to the viewers and to each other as they explain their jobs and what they are doing. It's kind of cheesy the way the machines are talking but overall, it's a really informative show for both kids and adults! I absolutely LOVE this show for three reasons.

1. Canadian. I love to support Canadian arts and I love that the footage is recognizably Canadian if you've ever been to the big cities like Ottawa, Toronto, Edmonton, etc.

2. Educational. After watching this show for a year, my son can name so many vehicles and knows what they do. Despite being aimed at preschoolers or school aged children, this show can give you all the information you need about what a city does in a snow storm, how a salt mine works, how a rock quarry works, how a road is built, everything that happens on farm, and so much more!

3. Inclusive. This show is NOT aimed at boys, it is aimed at all children. The machines are given female and male names and speak with female and male voices. And right there in the theme song...

Mighty machines
big and mighty machines,
workin for you doin mighty things they're...
Mighty Machines!

Liftin and pullin and flyin so high,
buildin a buildin up to the sky
you can watch them all day and never know why they're...
Mighty Machines!

Hear them roar, watch them soar,
sit right down and see.
There are stories to enjoy,
for every girl and booooooooooooy!

Mighty machines,
big and mighty machines,
workin for you doin mighty things they're...
Mighty Machines!
Workin for you doin mighty things they're...
Mighty Machines!

Thank you for being so awesome Mighty Machines!

Happy October

2011-10-31T19:31:00.002-04:00

It's been a busy month for the Morningstar family.

• On the 14th, it was my husband's 40th birthday party. One part birthday celebration, one part potluck dinner, and one part silent auction fundraiser. I rented a hall, invited about 150 people (about 75 showed up), hired a photographer (who did not take enough pictures), and raised about 500 dollars auctioning off GOOD stuff from my storage room (and donations). My mom helped out so much and I would never have attempted something so huge without her help.

• October 28th was my husband's actual birthday. We had my mom and gramma over for a delicious prime rib dinner and then my mon baby sat while Jai and I went to a local pub for a joint birthday party (pub owner has same birthday as Jai). The theme of the night was hair metal Halloween, so dress up as a rock'n'roller from the 1980's. It was fun to dress up and go out on a date with my husband, it took me the whole weekend to recover. I had one drink but no sleep resulting in amazing hangover-like symptoms.

• Trick-or-treat: my three year old wanted to be a princess but I was determined he wear the same costume I wore when I was three. He was a bunny and my younger boy was a lion and of course they were both adorable! Unfortunately, Jai missed it because of yet another work crisis, but RJ had a great time. He enjoyed the first five houses (gramma's neighbours) and was done by the time we got to the last four houses (our neighbours). And then when we were done, he wanted to go play at Gramma's house. So...Halloween was done!

On paper, that doesn't look like a very busy month. But I feel beaten down and knocked out, which is probably ten times better than my husband feels. And not just because he's old now!

There was a construction accident and a subsequent act of vandalism which caused my husband's place of employment to be all but shut down for nearly the entire month. This caused massive amounts of at-home work that never seemed to end.

So between the party planning at the beginning of the month, all the work problems, a whole week of family colds/flu, resulting in our boys developing some horrible and annoying sleep habits, everybody is just plain worn out. The month was full of happiness but just too much stress.

Here's hoping November is just as happy but far less stressful!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Eight Months

2011-10-22T18:29:00.002-04:00

Dear JP

Today you are eight months old. And just like that, three quarters of your first year is done!

The month of October started out pretty rough as the entire family was sick. Your nose was so full and you had a few nights of horrible sleep - which actually means it was your PARENTS who had horrible sleep. Sometimes I just had to take you upstairs and let you sleep on your swing for awhile. Then you were propped in an upright position and less likely to have trouble breathing due to your head full of mucous.

After you were feeling better, your sleep schedule was kind of messed up for the next few weeks, with several wake ups every night. By the end of the month, however, you seem to be back to one wake up around 5am for a bottle and then back to bed until 10.

Your daily routine (generally) is as follows:

10am - wake up, bottle, play
11am - bottle, nap
1:30pm - wake up, eat cereal and a veggie, bottle, play
3pm - bottle, nap
6pm - wake up, bottle, play
8pm - bottle, nap
9pm - wake up, eat cereal and veggie, bottle, play, bath sometimes
10pm - bottle
11:30pm - bottle, bed
5am - bottle, back to bed

And speaking of that cereal and veg mentioned above, you're finally able to eat (and not choke) on baby cereal and purreed veggies. I realize that every baby is different but I was starting to get worried about your lack of interest in eating and your inability to swallow the food. I don't want to compare, but your brother was eating solids before five months and unfortunately that made me think you should have started sooner. But I kept trying every few days and by the end of the month, you had mastered the art of eating. Or at least eating as an infant. You're very messy but now you aren't choking and you quiver with excitement when the spoon comes close. October 4th you tried butternut squash, followed by carrots, followed by peas. And of course, rice cereal.

I've also been worried that you were slow to sit. Again, all babies are different but I was, unfortunately comparing to your brother who sat at 5 1/2 months. You sat alone for the first time on October 9th and by the end of the month, your balance is improving. You fall over a lot, but you can sit unassisted for about 30-45 seconds at a time.

You're also desperate to crawl! Turning over is, of course, old news at this point. But, getting up on your hands and knees is quickly becoming old news as well! You get up on your hands and knees, push up until you're on your pointed toes and look around as if you expect to crawling to magically happen. Then you lower yourself down to hands and knees again, bounce a little, lower down to your belly and defeatedly drag yourself forward. Soon you won't need to think so hard and exert so much force. Crawling will be second nature.

And, as you become more mobile, my need for baby proofing becomes more obvious. You are an expert at finding a tiny bit of paper, a small blade of grass, or a bit of fluff, and then choking on it and barfing all over the carpet. It's like having a dog!

You're becoming quite vocal as you get older and more tuned in to your surroundings. High pitched sighs and rumbly demon growls are two favorites and I can't, for the life of me, figure out how two amazingly contrasting noises are coming from the same baby! You've also started babbling and trying out different sounds: babababa and dadadadada are the big ones. If you know what's good for you, you'll quickly add mamamamama into your repitoir.

You squeaked in a third tooth on October 19th (top left) and I can feel it's partner right there under the surface. Another new trick, in light of your most recent body part, is clicking the bottom teeth on the top tooth. I would imagine you're experiencing a whole new sensation!

Amazing new developments will occur in the next few months but I'm not exactly in a hurry for the coming milestones. Right now I'm quite happy and in love with my smiley, squirmy, and squishy baby!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Comfort Food

2011-10-19T15:12:00.002-04:00

Kraft Dinner

Kraft Dinner with Ketchup

Kraft Dinner, frozen peas (cooked of course), and tinned salmon (not mixed together though)

Tinned salmon sandwich with mayonnaise, dill pickles, and lettuce

Grilled cheese sandwich made with Velveeta, pickles on the side

Baloney sandwich with cheddar cheese, mustard, lettuce

Packaged scalloped potatoes, Italian sausage, and microwaved tinned Lima beans (this is a dad cooked meal)

Barbecued steak (with HP sauce), baked potato, fried mushrooms from a tin, and those tinned Lima beans (dad cooked meal)

Spaghetti and meatballs baked in the oven - for hours (another dad cooked meal)

What do those foods/meals have in common?

They are things I ate regularly as a child. And, if I have to be totally honest, still eat as an adult. I've been told some of those items/combinations are quite disgusting!

I wish I could explain why some of the gross food my dad cooked is something I remember with fondness, more so than some of the meals my mom or gramma cooked.

What are some of the weird/gross things you eat? What are your comfort foods?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A dramatic dilemma

2011-10-10T08:41:00.001-04:00

For some reason I watched a clip from the Kardashian wedding special wherein Kim is faced with the dilemma of whose last name she will take after the wedding.

She's signing the marriage license and is literally stopped cold when asked if she's changing her name. She dramatically ponders the question with tension inducing close ups, and then says, "Well I guess it's the right thing to do."

She's informed that she can do whatever she wants. Then if course the husband to be comes in to sign the license and learns for the first time that Kim is keeping her last name. Because it's a good business decision. He's, predictably, a little troubled.

Okay, a few things:

1. Obviously this little incident was played up (or even fabricated) to add lots of drama to an already exciting television event.

2. I have a hard time believing that any two people about to be married would not have already discussed the issue of last names. Like, within a few days/weeks after deciding to get married.

3. A woman should be able to keep her own last name, adopt her husband's name, or pick a brand new name.

4. But if het husband-to-be truly doesn't believe she had the right to refuse his last name, then he shouldn't be getting married. A woman's right to choose her own last name is a fundamental part of equality. And yes, a man has the same choice (keep his last name, take his wife's, or choose a new one).

That's all. Oh, except, why are the Kardashians famous?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

So sneaky!

2011-10-07T13:57:00.002-04:00

My mom left town for the weekend, as she often does, to go visit her mom.

And, as we often do (whether she is home or not), my boys and I went to my mom's house to play with her toys, eat her food, and watch her tv.

Sometimes my dad is at a drywall job; most of the time he's in the house drinking tea and playing solitaire.

Upon entering the house, I see him quickly and OH SO sneakily throw his cigarette into his tea cup.

This is so effective because I can neither smell the stench nor see the cloud of smoke.

My parents have an 'understanding' that my dad will only smoke downstairs. I feel this is fair because my mom has given up trying to get him to smoke outside AND the house is in my mom's name. To me that says, Mom's house = mom's rules. This wouldn't apply if my dad was any kind of an equal partner. Decisions would be made together. But since he lives in the basement with free room and board, the least he could do is smoke in the designated smoking area. Bastard.

The very least. You can't get your GED, can't get a job, can't pay any bills, can't do any sort of child rearing, can't admit your addiction (to nicotine and alcohol) can't seek help.

Well, what can you do?

You can smoke downstairs, as per the agreement. Yes, the very least.

But the moment my mom leaves the house, dear old dad immediately lights up in the living room.

I interpret that behavior as a giant "fuck you" to my mom. My amazing and wonderful mother who worked 3 jobs at once (plus paper route) to keep us out of the poor house. My mom who definitely put the happiness and safety of her children ahead of her own. My mom who continues to (out of the goodness of her heart) let that waste of space live in her basement and pay all the bills.

She is sneakily thanked for all her sacrifice every time my dad lights up a cigarettes in her living quarters.

Thanks pops, you're awesome.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Imagination

2011-10-05T11:10:00.002-04:00

My son RJ has a lot of toys. Like, a LOT lot. Many brand new, most are hand-me-downs and yard sale finds. Somehow I can justify spoiling him if the spoilage comes from second-hand sources.

He's at the age where his imagination is really starting to develop. I love listening to him play when he doesn't know I'm near. He re-enacts entire story lines from his favourite shows and makes up a lot of new little scenarios himself.

Some of his favourite toys are the little character figurines from those shows. For instance, little Pablo from the Backyardigans, and little Blue from Blues Clues, and more recently, little Cinderella from, you know, Cinderella. When we find those characters at yard sales it Salvation Army or *coughWalmartcough*, RJ gets so involved and wrapped up in elaborate scenes of make-believe. It's so adorable and I immediately start wishing I could find the rest of the characters for him.

As in, we can't JUST have Buzz! We also need Woody and Rex and Slinky and Jessie and Barbie... And we can't JUST have Dora. We need Isa and Boots and Tico and Swiper...

But therein lies the problem! There are too many characters. I could probably scan eBay and yard sales and second hand shops forever and still be unable to find every little friend from a beloved show. And then if course 'they' keep making more shows. Or rather, we find new shows to amuse our young child, thereby introducing new characters to his realm of play and imagination.

And that's just it: imagination. I definitely did NOT have a character toy of all my favourite tv personalities, but I turned out fine, right? A bit neurotic perhaps... RJ really doesn't need a hand-held representation of ALL his little friends. He was given a Tangled play set for his birthday that came with Rapunzel but not Flynn Rider. Right away he asked for Flynn Rider (and believe me, I looked all over town) but I told him there wasn't one. Then he was fine. Everybody got a turn to climb up Rapunzel's hair (Woody, Playmobil Man, Lego Dude, the whole gang)!

Despite getting daily reminders, keep forgetting how wonderful imagination is! Why do I even want to overload his playtime with all these little figures? He's already got a whole arsenal of characters in his head, ready to come out and play at a moment's notice!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Princess

2011-09-30T19:41:00.001-04:00

Lately my son is just loving Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast. He hasn't actually seen Beauty and the Beast buy I think my mom is giving it to him at Christmas. But he's watched Cinderella plenty of times, as well as Sleeping Beauty and Tangled.

These Disney movies are part of a phenomena in today's society, namely, that of. The Disney Princess. Mostly it's girls who love - nay, who are obsessed with - princesses. You can tell because everything is pink and pink has been transformed into a girly colour.

I'm not a huge fan of the Disney Princess fad if that is ALL a girl wants to play with but I'm a big believer in 'everything in moderation.'

I'm also a big believer in there being no such thing as girls' toys and boys' toys. Obviously the toys are marketed towards boys OR girls (with a smaller selection being marketed to both), but I really don't think that's right.

If a girl plays with cars and trucks, she's automatically a Tom-boy. But the boy who plays with dolls, what us he? A Tom-girl? There's no such thing. No, he's a girly boy, and that is supposed to be a bad thing.

What does that make my son, who is just as in love with constriction site machinery as he is with Cinderella and Rapunzel?

I don't care for those labels anyway. When a girl plays with trucks, I think she's just a kid playing with trucks. When a boy plays with dolls, he's just a kid playing with dolls.

I'm happy that my child has a great imagination and I will encourage him to play with whatever he wants!

He has about a thousand cats and trucks but his little Disney Princess collection is growing (dolls, underwear, movies), and it is a non-issue for me and my husband.

A little boy told my son that Dora the Explorer is for girls. It's only a matter of time before someone tells him the same thing about Cinderella. I can't stop my children from forming opinions based on what other kids say to him, but I can continue to shout from the rooftops:

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS BOY TOYS OR GIRL TOYS!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Seven Months

2011-09-24T13:28:00.001-04:00

Dear JP
Today (September 22nd) you are seven months old!

We started off this month with your (little late) six month doctor's appointment. You weighed in at 16.4 pounds and measured 27 inches.

You did NOT handle your vaccinations very well this time. At your 4 month appointment you barely even flinched when you received your shots. Not so this time! The screaming and crying was deafening! Poor guy! You had some grumpy days afterwards.

You've totally mastered turning over now. Front to back and back front, you just can't be stopped! You're starting to get your knees up under your body when you're on your tummy. I think you'd love to be moving forward and keeping up with your big brother.

You've also mastered grabbing things. You can grab anything that comes near you and it ALL goes in your mouth. You love to chew everything with your two tiny sharp teeth.

You continue to sleep very well at night. Every so often you wake up around 3 or 4 for a quick bottle but most of the time you'll sleep a good 7 - 9 hour stretch. You still average 4 naps a day: morning nap, lunch nap, afternoon nap, and evening nap. We're trying to keep the evening nap very short so you will go to bed for the night relatively early (between 10:30 and 11:30pm). I have a hard time actually getting you to fall asleep because you need quiet and dark, which is difficult when I'm trying to watch big brother too. Most of the time I just put you in the baby swing because it's easiest. However, I've just discovered that if I wrap you up tightly in a blanket (immobilize your flailing arms) then you fall asleep on your own. I tried just letting you cry to sleep a few times this month but it was quite unsuccessful.

You are starting to make all kinds of baby babbling noises now, including "Dadadada." I'm hoping you'll say "Mamama" very soon! You still make grunty noises all the time and have recently added an evil throaty chortle when you roll onto your belly. It's like you're about to do something very naughty.

You still haven't mastered eating your solid cereal. We keep trying and you are always very puzzled. You hold the food in your mouth for a long time before swallowing. You don't seem to be enjoying it but we'll keep at it. I'd like you to master the cereal before moving on to vegetables and fruit.

You are still drinking a 3-4oz bottle every hour and a half throughout your wakeful times. And it's getting mighty difficult to get a bottle in to you! Just like your brother before you, we've reached a point where I need to hold your arms still while feeding you.

You're a constant wiggle machine. If you're not sleeping, some part of your body is moving! During feeding and diapering and bathing, it never ends! I have a feeling I'm going to be very exhausted chasing you around in the next few months!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Child's Play

2011-09-23T11:02:00.001-04:00

(JP's seven month letter is coming.)

Do you play with your child? My husband and I play with our older son ALL the time! And he ALWAYS wants us to be with him playing.

Playing takes a lit more energy with a toddler than it does with a baby. Baby's are amused and amazed by everything, whereas my three year old is in to complicated games of make-believe. And whether he likes it or not, it's just not possible for me to be at his beck and call all day long.

I've heard that some parents never play with their kids, that's just nit their style. I understand that, especially if you have more than one kid. But I do like to play with my son, just not endlessly all day long.

My mom didn't really play with my brother and I when we were young. She spent lots of time with us and, as we got older, we played a lot of card/board games. But all the childish games of imagination and silliness? That was for my brother and I. And it was fine! I think, as my bits get older, I will probably leave then alone with their games more and more.

I started thinking about this because of a random thought I had yesterday. I remember my mom following me around the house while we both flapped our arms and pretended to be butterflies, all the while saying, "flutter flutter flutter." I also remember thinking, I can't believe I got her to do this!!

I knew it was out if the ordinary for my mom to play an actual imagination game but obviously I did enjoy this rare occurrence. I remembered it!

So, even though it can be annoying and frustrating, I do think it's important to play with your children. They will remember it and love you for it!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Etched in my mind

2011-09-11T20:07:00.001-04:00

When I was about 13 years old, I read Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl. I was quite fascinated by the knowledge that this girl, her mother, sister, father, and four other people actually hid in an attic for two years.

And what's more, people all over Europe hid in other attics (or basements or barns) for similar lengths of time (or much longer). Many of those in hiding escaped with their lives; many did not.

Despite the vividness of the diary, I really couldn't comprehend the magnitude of the Holocaust.

Adolph Hitler was an evil megalomaniac who rounded up and killed off the Jews (and the Gypsies, and homosexuals, and other groups). Over six million people were murdered under the rule of Nazi Germany.

Crazy, I know. But it wasn't until Grade 12 History class, that I was able to fully comprehend the scope of this tragedy. I saw pictures.

Pictures can change everything. I read that the Jews were taken to concentration camps and starved and it was sad. I saw the skeletal and disease ridden images of Jewish people behind barbed wire and cried.

The pictures are horrible and awful to look at but they are very necessary. The images etched into my mind ensure that, even though I was not there, I will never forget.

Much like those horrible and awful images I have of the planes hitting the towers, the towers crumbling and burning, the people jumping to their deaths, the crying and grieving citizens of New York, and many more.

I don't like them, I wish they weren't in my brain. But they are necessary. The years go by and the horror seems dream-like. Especially for those who weren't there and have no connection to the victims.

But it's not a dream. Ten years ago or 90 years ago, the images help us remember. And we have to remember.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Truck

2011-09-03T21:00:00.001-04:00

My dad bought RJ a remote control truck for his third birthday. As I knew he would, RJ loves it! And, as expected, he doesn't really know how to work the controls.

A few days before the birthday, my dad started talking about this special gift he ordered. He wouldn't tell anyone what it was because it was a huge surprise and it was super special!

As the days passed, we got more and more information about this awesome gift...it cost 30 dollar, it has expensive batteries, he's going to love it, etc.

Every time he talked about the present - this amazing present for his wonderful grandson - I felt myself getting annoyed. I get a few dollars on or around my birthday every year but he's never bought ME a present! He bought my mom a few big things 25 years ago: a sewing machine, a microwave. But when he couldn't afford big things anymore, all gift giving stopped. My mom used to buy stuff for herself at Christmas and give it to my dad who would bring it to my brother and I (as if he bought it) and we would excitedly wrap it up and put it under the tree. I felt SO bad when I found that out, not that my mom wanted me to feel bad.

Anyway, this man who hasn't given anyone a gift since 1985 or so actually got my son a birthday present. Yes, I'm annoyed, but I'm also quite impressed because that means he was thinking of someone besides himself for once.

There was much hype and hoopla in the days leading up to the unveiling. Steak was going to be cooked; the family would be assembled. I guess the first gift bought in twenty five years is a big enough deal to warrant a family dinner. My mom and I just hoped RJ would like the gift and not prefer the packaging, as some children are wont to do.

So the day came and RJ definitely loved the remote controlled truck. But no, he can't work the controls properly. My dad spent the better part of the evening (as he got progressively more drunk) lamenting the fact that RJ was too young for the truck, "I made a big mistake."

So, I guess - despite the fact that RJ loves it - this whole gift giving thing was a flop. Maybe, in another twenty five years we'll get something else out of him.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Three years

2011-08-31T20:36:00.001-04:00

Dear RJ

Today you are 36 months old - or, three years old!

We wrapped up your third year of life with a pirate themed birthday party on August 28th. Including you and JP, we had twelve little toddlers and babies running around the back yard. You had lots of fun playing with all the kids, you enjoyed opening gifts, and you even ate some hot dog! But, this marks the third year in a row where you refused to eat any birthday cake. You're a strange child!

You've grown up so much this past year. At your second birthday, you were speaking quite well but hadn't mastered speaking in sentences. Now it's like nothing can stop you; there isn't anything you can't say. And you're definitely repeating everything you hear!

At your second birthday, you were a shy, quiet, timid boy who didn't really like to get involved if there were too many people / children about. You're still timid sometimes but you've become a confident little boy who loves to watch other children play AND more often then not, join in the fun. You've developed into an incredibly smart, talkative AND bossy toddler. Though I don't really think we can call you a toddler anymore. You're such a big boy!

Of the last three months, the biggest success has been the potty training! On May 30th I decided to try the "cold turkey" method. I put some underwear on you and told you to pee in the potty when you had to go. I expected lots of accidents but I didn't expect you to get so stressed out!

Over three hours you peed on the floor six times! I put a diaper on you for nap time and attempted to go back to the underwear after nap. But you cried hysterically so I gave up. If you weren't willing to cooperate, or you were scared for some reason, or just not ready, I didn't have the patience to think about pee and poo on the floor.

But I wonder if that morning without diapers helped start your understanding... In early June you started telling us about your pees and poos, ex: There's a waterfall in my pants, there's fishes in my bum!

Then a month later (July 14), you asked to go pee on the potty at Gramma's house. I thought you were getting ready but I still didn't push it. What really made me think you were ready was the major fights and screams EVERY single time we changed a diaper!

My annoyance at diaper changes won over. On August 1st we started the day with underwear. This time something "stuck!"You had a few drops in your underwear every time you had to pee but only two major accidents: Aug 3 and Aug 11th. I actually think the one on August 11th was on purpose. I asked if you had to pee and you said NOPE! Then climbed up on to the couch, looked at me, and then peed with such force I could hear it!

You were a little scared to poo on the potty - not sure why - but I started bribing you with chocolate covered almonds and that really worked. By the third week of August, we weren't even worrying about wearing pull ups out of the house. Except for night time, I'd say you were completely potty trained in less than three weeks!

Another big accomplishment was the move to a big boy bed! On June 20th, I took one side off the crib, thereby turning it into a day-bed. It didn't seem to bother you too badly at first but in later weeks you complained about not wanting a big boy bed. It was like a delayed reaction.

In July you had a few nightmares (July 3-driving the car by yourself, and several about green bugs chasing you) but August has been a horrible month for sleeping! Mid-month the nightmares started almost every night. You would wake up screaming and start running around the house at night - or early morning - looking for daddy or mommy. On August 14th you wouldn't go to sleep (nap or bed time) unless somebody laid down beside your crib until you fell asleep.

It was getting so bad that we finally stopped your naps on August 20th. You would fight and scream about going to bed, then I would have to lay down beside you and it would take forever for you to fall asleep. Then you would only sleep for an hour. It was a lot of wasted time (while your brother was often crying) and I was so sick of the fights. So I said good-bye to my afternoon break from you, my oldest child.

Interestingly enough, without the naps, you've been tired but better behaved. Bed time at night is better too because by that time, you're so tired that you don't have any energy left to fight.

So there have been some milestone-type accomplishments and some set backs. Aside from the drama at bed time, you're back to hating bath time. I just don't understand why every couple of months we have to fight about baths and bed.

Your biggest struggle over the last few months has been sharing. You get time-outs for taking away JP's toys, which happens on a daily basis and you're having a hard time sharing with other friends too. Someone told me that children don't really understand the concept of sharing until age four or five. Do I guess that's what we'll be working on in the next year.

Another thing we'll be working on is responsibility. Now that you're a big boy, it's really important that you know how to apologize (we have sporadic success with that concept), to express yourself calmly (the tantrums are epic), and do your part to keep up the house (we started a very basic chore chart on June 14). Obviously these things will not happen over night but we have had some successes.

We had a short family Trip to Dryden June 10-12 to visit your Great Gramma. You did very well on the drive there and back and you loved playing with your cousin (well, really my cousin) B. He actually told me that you were annoying him but I think he did pretty well putting up with your bossy toddler ways.

You slept on the floor at Great Gramma's house, on a mattress at the foot of our bed, in the basement bedroom. You did very well, just like you did on the floor at Uncle Jesse's house. You woke up crying one night - disoriented I think - and you also fell off the mattress on to the floor. You were easily calmed both times and went back to sleep with no problems.

We had another visit with Uncle Jesse from July 15th to July 31st. He drove all the way from Alberta to see us and you picked up with him as if no time had passed since we saw him in May. We had a great time and we all wish Uncle Jesse lived closer to us!

You have such an active imagination these days. I love watching as you play. You pretend to be animals, planes, and people; you pretend to be different characters and give everybody names of who they're supposed to be: Thomas, Toby, Gordon, James, Shrek, Joe.

Even though you don't know how to share with him, you are totally loving your baby brother. You like to know where he is, want to show him stuff, want to hug and kiss him, and you love making him smile and laugh. You're also quite thrilled to know that River has testicles, just like you do(which you discovered in the bath on July 9th)!

We're trying to impart upon you the frailty and delicacy of a baby but it doesn't seem to register. On July 7th you actually dumped your poor brother out of his baby swing! He fell right on his face and cried inconsolably for half an hour. You definitely knew you did something bad and cried a lot too. You sat in the corner until you were ready to say sorry. Thankfully the swing dump was a one time thing, but you still need to work on being less rough.

Despite the roughness and the accidents (of which I am sure there will be many more to come), I am just loving the thought of watching you two grow up together. When I see the two of you laughing and smiling at one another, it gives me such hope for the future. I can't wait to see you play together and become friends.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

No sheltering

2011-08-26T12:19:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine told me about a time a drunk man approached her (for change maybe) while she was out with her children. She was kind of looking for sympathy or agreement I think, of how awful it is when a gross, dirty, drunk person comes near your children.

I told her my children have been "exposed" to a gross drunk man since the day they were born. They call him Grampa.

I wasn't mad at her, but I'm always kind of taken aback at how sheltered some people are.

How nice for her children that they don't have to be exposed to a dirty drunk on a regular basis.

But would I want that for my boys? I grew up seeing my dad fall down, pass out, stumble, slur, yell, and act like a hypocritical asshole. I hated him sometimes but he served as a terrific example of how NOT to live life.

I also think that seeing someone so riddled with addiction and depression made me more tolerant to those with differences and diseases.

My boys don't quite understand what's wrong with Grandpa although my oldest does get annoyed with him sometimes.

I hope my children will grow up with the same lessons that I learned: how not to live life, how drugs can ruin and hurt you and the people around you, how disgusting a lifetime of addiction can make your body. They can learn it all as they witness their Grampa acting like an idiot. But luckily they don't actually have to live with him!

My boys will get the best of both worlds: loving parents AND exposure to extreme dysfunction. I don't think I'm doing my boys a disservice, so long as I don't leave them alone with Grampa!

I hope he lives long enough so they can remember how he acted, rather than us just telling them. I also don't want my boys shocked and disgusted when they see or are approached by "different" individuals in a public setting (so long as they don't go anywhere without mom or dad).

Having a noticeably different grandfather will no doubt foster some interesting discussions about sickness, addiction, family differences, resentment, love, and tolerance.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Six Months

2011-08-22T13:03:00.001-04:00

Dear JP
Today you are six months old. This has been a month of smiling, laughing, wiggling, stretching, and moving.

Oh, and chewing and drooling. Everything goes in your mouth and the drool flows like a river.

You rolled over for the first time on July 31st but nobody saw it happen. I heard you babbling after a nap and went to get you - you were on your back smiling and chatting and chewing on blankets. Since then you've only turned over a handful of times, from front to back. And always after nap. Everybody is waiting with baited breath to see the elusive rollover! However, about a week before your six month mark, you perfected the back-to-front roll. Now if I lay you down on your back, you immediately turn to your belly. Then you get angry because you're stuck!

Oh, and sleeping. You've been a really good sleeper this month, almost always sleeping through the night until at least 6:30, though occasionally you've surprised us with sleeping until 8:30!

If you wake up early (before 6:30), you usually have a bottle and then go back to sleep for a couple hours. If you wake up later (around 7 or 8), you stay up for about an hour until your first nap.

You're just like your brother (so far) in that you are definitely a baby that likes sleep. You always have at least 3 naps a day, but often need 4 or 5. I'm glad you enjoy sleeping but I must say it does get in the way of doing anything major during the day. I feel tied down to the house because, like your brother did, you're quickly losing that newborn quality of being able to drop off to sleep anywhere. You have a strong preference for sleeping in familiar places. Yes, I do feel a bit tied down but it's okay: I know this dependence on napping is a fleeting moment in time.

You are eating about 3oz every hour and a half - unless you're sleeping - and occasionally you can put away 4oz. I attempted to give you some rice cereal this month (aug 7) but none of it really stayed in your mouth. You mostly looked horrified. We'll give it another shot this coming month.

During your bath on August 6th, you peed an amazing arc of urine into the bathwater. The reason why I mention this? It was the first time you peed outside of your diaper since your first day of life in the hospital! Your brother peed a few times on me and others but you haven't. It's just weird because people spend so much time warning me to be careful about little boys and their notorious spraying ability. Maybe you only like to pee in the protective warmth of a diaper.

You love your big brother so much. You can't move after him but your head and eyes follow him obsessively. Despite the fact that you are the Daffy Duck to his abominable snowman, you still give him the biggest smiles and giggles. He sits on you, smacks you and pretty much "tortures" you with affection and you just keep smiling.

On this day of your six month birthday, the country mourned the loss of Jack Layton, who was the leader of the NDP political part. I would like to end this letter to you with something Jack wrote to all Canadians in his farewell letter:

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful, and optimistic. And we'll change the world.

These are pretty good words to live by! I love you my sweet baby boy!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Unfortunate Experience

2011-08-15T23:16:00.001-04:00

On Friday I had a an unfortunate experience that left me feeling belittled, demeaned, and angry.

Just over a week ago I finally made use of the gift certificate that Jai gave me after JP's birth.

Yes, I got a "push present." I demanded one!

I had a gift certificate for the local (and amazing) body piercing shop and I was excited finally be able to use it.

I debated long about what part of my body to adorn. I hadn't been pierced since I was 20 and I was a bit nervous.

I decided on something that I've been thinking about for almost ten years: a micro dermal implant on the front of my left wrist.

A microdermal is a tiny bit of surgical grade titanium anchored into your skin via a small flat "foot" with a hole in it. The tissue damaged during the procedure heals through the hole thereby securing it and attaching to a jewel that rests on top of your skin.

It is an incredibly quick and surprisingly painless procedure. It is important to keep it clean but it is no more dangerous than an ear piercing if cared for correctly.

The piercing hurt a tiny bit and then there was no pain for five days. I kept it covered, soaked my arm in a hot sea-salt solution.

Then it started to hurt on the night of the fifth day. The piercer said pain is normal once the skin starts to heal. But I wad worried. How can you go from absolutely NO pain to lots?

I visited the piercer On the 7th day and he confirmed that it was infected. I was instructed to see a doctor, get a prescription for antibiotics, continue the sea salt soaks but do not, under any circumstances, remove or let a doctor remove the piercing. The jewel needs to stay in place to keep the wound open which allows a quick exit point for the infection.

So all that? Unfortunate? No. Inconvenient but not unfortunate. Par for the course. A person who chooses a body modification knows there are risks. Just as there are risks in many day-to-day activities.

The unfortunate part happened when I arrived at the hospital.

I had to explain my situation to the receptionist, the admitting clerk, a nurse, and then the doctor. I was talked down to, spoken to disrespectfully, and ignored when I tried to explain things.

I want to know if everybody with a slight difference is treated as a second class citizen.

This is right up there with the time an old man looked me up and down, looked at RJ and told me I should have used birth control. Nice.

I'm not a child that gives into whims. I think long and hard about almost everything I do.

But I don't want to explain myself to every person I encounter. It shouldn't even matter.

All I ask for is the same respect and consideration I give to other people.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Evolution "Stuff" in a House with Children

2011-08-07T15:55:00.001-04:00

When you find out you're expecting a baby, you slowly start to accumulate the necessities and slowly start to assemble an area devoted to the baby - a bedroom or a corner of your bedroom.

The crib is ready with fresh linen (for whenever the baby will use it), the change table is stocked and ready with all the necessary supplies, and all the clothing and toys (and other stuff like burp cloths) are neatly in their specific place.

When the baby is born, everything is ready to go.

The first six weeks (or so) are a mad chaotic mess as you get used to having a helpless little creature in your lives (and house). Slowly you start to establish a routine of sorts; it gets easier to do things when the baby naps. And then, when the baby is older, it becomes possible to do a few chores as the little one is able to entertain him or herself for short (and then longer) periods of time.

Sometime around your child's first birthday, you'll sit back and realize that your previously clean living room is a disaster of toys!

Where did they all come from?

Because you know perfectly well that when your child was first born, you just had a few rattles in a tiny toy basket on a shelf.

The explosion of toys happens slowly over the course of a year.

Then your child gets older (2 or 3) and developed specific interests. The rattles, stacking rings, and squeaky toys are replaced with Hot-wheels, Little People, and all kinds of die-cast characters.

Then add a second baby to the mix and all of a sudden your house is full of little kid toys AND baby toys!

Not to mention a set of clothes for a toddler and another one for the baby. Two sizes of shoes too. And don't forget diapers!

You try desperately to stop the flow but yard sales and second hand shops and birthdays and rewards for pooping on the potty keep coming and coming and coming!

It's not that you despise the chaos, though sometimes you long for the simplicity of life before children.

No, most of the time you embrace and enjoy the chaos. When else do you get to spend spare time building train tracks, squishing play dough and driving cars over mountains?

The chaos is good. But how did it happen so quickly? Where did it all come from? How long does it last?

These are the things I think about while I'm trying to organize the storage room and the toy/clothing storage for the millionth time.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Twenty Eight

2011-08-05T15:24:00.001-04:00

I remember once telling my elementary school librarian that I had a depressing birthday date.

August 4th 1914, Great Britain declared war on Germany (this could be considered the beginning of WWI).

August 4th 1944, Anne Frank and her family were betrayed to the Gestapo and taken into custody (everyone hiding in the secret annex died in Nazi concentration camps except for Otto Frank).

August 4 1962, Marilyn Monroe died from a drug overdose (I later learned that it was August 5th when she was found, so maybe she died on the 4th, maybe not. But she had a horrible childhood, a troubled life, and died way too young).

It seemed like a lot of death to me: death and tragedy.

The librarian agreed that it the 4th of August had been marred by tragedy in the past but that my connection to the day illustrates my strength of body, mind, and character.

Those words have always stuck with me.

Here I am, twenty-eight years old now: a woman in love with my husband and sons, a homeowner, and an accomplished and educated person.

I have a very good life. It's always good to sit back and take stock of your blessings on the day of your birth.

Oh, and it's also good to thank your mama!!

Thanks mom for giving me life! It's a good one!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

No kisses please

2011-07-30T15:53:00.001-04:00

And while we're on the subject of annoying things that relatives do regarding my children: I hate when adults (relatives or just random strangers/acquaintances) tell my son to give them a hug and kiss.

As a young child my mom remembers many of her uncles grabbing her for kisses, hugs, and cheek pinches. She hated it. I don't blame her!

I think she hated it so much that she made sure to "protect" her children from the same fate. I never had to hug or kiss anybody I didn't want to while growing up and for that I am extremely thankful.

Maybe some relatives wanted to hug and kiss me, I don't know. But we weren't very close to my dad's family and my mom's family was gar away. Why should I or any child have to show physical affection for unfamiliar people?

So now, when certain relatives ask for hugs and kisses from my boy, my mom and I are jokingly saying, No he's not a kissy person. But what we're thinking is, Back off!!! What have you done to earn such intimate affections from this child?!?

Just as I did, my children will grow up knowing that their personal autonomy is to be respected by everyone - including those who share our DNA.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Toys for Boys

2011-07-29T15:28:00.001-04:00

While visiting at my mom's house with an aunt, she picked up one of RJ's tea cups (from his tea set) and said, "Tea cups? For boys?"

Aaarrrrrgh!

Yes, my son has a tea set and, naturally, that tea set has tea cups. They go with all the other dishes and the picnic basket and play food. And the shopping cart and the play-kitchen.

I never noticed when I was younger but boys and girls toys are quite often divided into gender expectations.

It's expected that girls will grow up to be mothers and wives therefore their toys are little kitchens, little dollies, little irons, little cottages with washing machines.

The boys get little trucks, little guns, little electronic sets, little farm animals.

Of course a parent can buy whatever toy he or she wants for their children, regardless of the sex assigned at birth. But stores are really set up in a way that separates the boy toys from the girl toys and, yes, those toys are arranged with pre-conceived notions about what children are expected to play with.

There is less stigma on girls who want to play with trucks and dinosaurs than there is on boys who want to play with dolls. This is SO wrong because just as many little girls will grow up to be wives and mothers, so will little boys grow up to be husbands and fathers. That really is the same thing: a spouse; a parent.

The only thing that solidly differentiates a mother's role from that of a father's role is her biological function as the one who carries and births the child - and often feeds it from her body. Other than that, mothers and fathers are capable of doing the same things. Just ask single parents.

So, summing up, I despise when people assume my boy is playing with girl toys. There are no girl toys and there are no boy toys. There are only toys. My son can play with whatever he wants.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Ignorant

2011-07-27T23:08:00.001-04:00

This evening, my mom, my brother, and I went to a Chinese food buffet. This is a huge all-you-can-eat buffet with the option to order from a menu. Most people go there for the buffet of course.

As expected, this place is a haven of disgusting deep fried Americanized Chinese food. I do enjoy indulging in super fattening foods from time to time (all the time) but there are interesting things there too: sea weed salad, oysters, a variety if salads, desserts, and soups. What I really like about it though is how all the employees are real Chinese people. And by real I mean just-immigrated-and-learning-English. What I like to think goes on at this restaurant is that the owner gives new immigrants jobs so they can get work experience in Canada and learn English at the same time - but be surrounded by a bunch of other people in the same situation (as to make the transition into Canadian life easier). I could be wrong but that's what I like to think goes on.

Anyway, we were there tonight, and some ignorant lady behind us decided to order off the menu for her male companion but visit the buffet herself. She ordered a meal and wanted soup to come first.

But oh no, the soup did NOT come first! The lady started freaking out on the poor wait-staff because the soup wasn't first. After everything was sorted out, she said to her companion, "Geez don't these people understand English?!"

First of all, the restaurant is FULL of employees who speak with very thick accents. Use your brain, of course they have trouble with English!

Second of all, listen to yourself and your barely discernible French accent! I wanted to ask her the same question!

I'm infuriated by ignorant asses such as this woman. Reminds me of the immigrant janitors at the hospital who would talk smack about the Native patients/visitors, "Ugh, I wish they would go back where they came from!"

Brain. Explode.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Five Months

2011-07-23T15:58:00.001-04:00

Dear JP

Today (July 22) you are five months old!

We started off your fifth month with an amazing doctor appointment. You got two little shots (one in each leg) and barely made a sound! I don't think you even felt the first shot and you didn't really fuss at all in the days after.

As of June 27th, you weighed 14.5 pounds and measured 25.25 inches. The doctor said that puts you right in the middle of the growth chart, the 50th percentile. Which, again, makes me wonder why so many people are commenting about your huge size! Yes, you are bigger than 50 percent of babies...but what about that other 50 percent? The babies that are bigger than you?

Whatever, what's really important is that you are taller and heavier than your brother was at the same age. It's only fair I think. RJ was already rolling over at this age so you might as well be a big baby with the potential to kick his butt if he pisses you off!

I think the reason you haven't rolled over yet is because you've been too busy being cute! July 3rd was the first time I managed to get a giggle out of you. You seem to really like being bounced on the couch and having your ears and neck nibbled. But cone on, who wouldn't?!

So you're giggling and making all kinds of adorable goo goo and cooing noises. You've discovered your feet and enjoy grabbing at them and you're totally obsessed with sucking and chewing on your hands. At one point you stuffed your whole hand so far into your mouth that you committed all over the place. And while that wasn't exactly cute in the traditional sense, I did find it to be quite amusing!

You're becoming quite a calm baby, which I much prefer to the first couple months of screaming. You're quite content to sit in someone's arms and look around, lay on the floor and kick, or sit in your swing and watch me while I hustle around the kitchen. The only time you really cry is when you're really tired. Or upon waking up (since you haven't been able to turn over on to your back yet). Or when you get dumped out of your swing.

Yep, you read that correctly! Big brother RJ actually dumped you out of the swing directly on to the kitchen floor! I didn't see it happen but I heard the smack and I heard the crying! I felt sick, absolutely sick! I'm so glad you weren't badly hurt - more scared than anything, plus I'm thinking you probably had the wind knocked out of you. Which is scary in and of itself!

Your brother DID do it by accident and he DID feel very bad for making you cry. And just so you can't hold this against him in the future, he was punished and he did apologize to you! Babies with older siblings really have to grow up tough!

What's that? I dropped you too? Out of your car seat? No, I'm sorry, I don't recall that. You're obviously mistaken!

Another bit of work that's been keeping you busy this month is teeth growing! As of July 18 (bottom left) and July 19 (bottom right), you are now the proud owner of two adorable little chompers! I'm very curious to see if your teeth will be as big as your brother's. His don't look so big right now but when he was a baby, people really did call him chompers.

You are still sleeping pretty good though you've back-tracked to waking up once every night. I'm not complaining though! Dad or I usually get you down to bed between 10pm and midnight, you're up for a bottle anywhere between 3-6am, and then back to sleep for another 2 to 4 hours. During the day, you usually have a quick cat-nap, a long afternoon nap and one or two evening cat naps. I think you are trying to establish a three nap schedule but you're still stuck on four sometimes. But overall, I'm quite pleased with your sleep patterns!

Right now, we're having fun visiting with Uncle Jesse. Though to be honest, I'm not sure how much fun you're actually having with your uncle. Seriously, are you even aware that there is a new person holding you sometimes. But the rest of us are enjoying Uncle Jesse and Uncle Jesse definitely thinks you're one of the cutest kids in the world!

And of course he is so right about that!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Fashion statement

2011-07-20T23:33:00.001-04:00

A few days ago, RJ and I went with my mom to check out the opening festivities of the annual dragon boat festival. We ate some junk food, walked around and looked at the various booths, bounced on the bouncy castle (RJ did), and had a tractor ride. It was quite fun.

Before we left home, RJ decided that he needed to wear a pink scarf - a pink scarf that I knit for one of his Teddy bears. He wore it all the way there (we walked) and all over the play ground (oh yeah, we played on the play ground as well) before I made him take it off for the bouncy castle (you know, so he wouldn't strangle himself). When we got home, he took the scarf back downstairs and hasn't talked about it since.

Let me just say that I love that my son was able to wear his pink scarf with pride - and out in public no less. Granted, he is only two years old but I love how he rocked his accessory without any worries or inhibitions. I wish we could all be so confident!

I hope my little son is able to be himself without worrying what others may think. I hope he continues to be a beautiful and non-conforming individual as he grows up.

Yes, it was just a scarf. But I will be kicking ass and taking names if anybody dares to tell my son he isn't free to be himself!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

No kids please

2011-07-15T14:12:00.004-04:00

The Globe and Mail reported on a restaurant in Pennsylvania that has banned children under six years old:

Screaming babies in public places are a fact of life. Red-faced toddlers (not to mention their red-faced parents) can be spotted everywhere from subway cars to the doctor’s office. But one Pennsylvania restaurant has banned young children, sending a clear message to parents: Take your tots and their tantrums elsewhere.

People everywhere (and by everywhere, I mean CBC Radio and all over the Internet) are talking about this incident and, as expected, people are very divided on the issue.

I too am divided on this issue. On the one hand, I definitely want to go out and enjoy a fancy dinner sometimes and I want to do it without being annoyed by screaming children. Yes I have two children but that doesn't mean I like YOUR child. Though I'm actually pretty good at ignoring small voices and screaming and whining, I guess other people aren't. Everybody has a right to enjoy a quite evening out.

On the other hand, I think banning children from any part of society (that is age appropriate) is a form of age discrimination. Whether we like it or not, children are part of this world and they will one day grow up to be the adults of this world.

I think I do support what this restaurant is doing. After all, I support women's only gyms and I don't believe that is sexism. I support the Native student's high school and I don't believe that is racism. But banning children does make me worry a bit. I read about an airline (now I can't remember which one) banning children from first class. Now a restaurant. How many other businesses will do the same?

But then again...children do grow up. They won't be banned forever.

Ack, I just don't know.

OCD

2011-07-14T14:31:00.003-04:00

My older son likes things to be tidy. Oftentimes, if his hands get dirty or his shirt gets wet (etc), we have to stop what we're doing to wash those hands and change that shirt.

He doesn't really like to spill either, which is why I'm constantly annoyed and surprised by a strange behaviour he has - if he does spill or drop something, he has to follow through.

If he is holding a bowl of cheerios, and accidentally drops ONE cheerio on the floor, he MUST drop the entire bowl.

If he starts pushing paper of a table (or wherever), he cannot stop until every paper is on the floor.

Once the spillage has occurred, nothing else can happen until every last bit of the cereal or paper or crayons or toys is on the floor together.

To me this behaviour seems a little obsessive compulsive. I don't get really understand it. Is it normal for an almost three year old?

Once the spilling has started, no amount of NO NO NO NO NO STOP STOP STOP will work. He will look right at us as we say NO NO NO NO NO and keep dumping, pushing, spilling.

I guess it is normal for kids to make messes, it just seems really weird to me because this comes from a boy who does not like disorder.

I don't like to complain too much though. For the most part RJ is so very well behaved. He's very good about following directions and helping out and listening to us. And then, when he does something NORMAL like make a mess or disobey, my husband and I sometimes lose our tempters. Then we have to take a minute, step back and remember: HE'S A CHILD!

Four Months

2011-06-22T12:43:00.002-04:00

Dear JP
Today you are four months old! This past month has been awesome!

We began your fourth month with a cross-country trip to see your Uncle Jesse in Alberta! Truth be told, I was more worried about how your brother would be on the long trip because I figured you would be fine. Little babies are portable and, theoretically, should be able to sleep anywhere. And baby, you didn’t disappoint.

You slept on the plane to Toronto and slept on the plane to Edmonton and slept on the drive to Fox Creek. You were a little annoyed at having to be held for so long but that was usually short-lived because you were always quite quick to fall asleep again. At the very end of the day, you could no longer hold it together. You cried for the last hour in the truck, completely sick and tired of being restrained.

That first night in Uncle Jesse’s apartment was rough, you woke up several times and had a hard time getting back to sleep. But the other six nights were fine. You only woke up once each night and slept quite well for your naps. You cuddled up with Uncle Jesse and gave him lots of smiles AND you were mesmerized – almost as much as your big brother – by the giant television set.

The trip back home – the long drive and two flights – were alright. There was a bit more crying on the last flight but it wasn’t TOO bad. Overall, I’d say you were a pretty good traveler and an adorable little nephew for your uncle.

So before we left for Alberta, you were pretty much sleeping through the night, with an average of about 7-9 hours a night. The trip seemed to set you back a bit but you quickly settled in to sleeping all night again.

Then we went to Dryden to visit your Great-Gramma and THAT teeny little trip set you back again. The first day back was a nightmare. You were up 6 times and cried for most of the morning. HOWEVER, thankfully, you settled back in again the second night back and you’ve been good ever since. A couple times a week, you wake up once for a bottle, but other than that, you’ve been sleeping through the night. I guess what I’m saying is, as of 3 and a half months, you are a baby who SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT. Applause please!!!

Anyway, that trip to Dryden (June 10-12) was just a quick little weekend jaunt to see Great-Gramma and a few other relatives. You were miserable most of the time because you had a hard time sleeping. We were in the basement and we could hear every noise from upstairs. Night time was okay, but your days were full of whine. But you still gave every relative at least one smile and that’s all I needed: to prove to the family that you’re one of the cutest babies ever born!

If you get a good sleep at night and decent naps during the day, then you are so full of smiles, it’s ridiculous! You are becoming such a little charmer. Smiles, gurgles, goos, and spits: all the little noises that make babies so irresistible. You know, if you like babies that is. Your mouth is also constantly open (as if you're desperate to get something - anything - inside. You pull at your ears, suck on your fingers, and you're definitely trying to grab things now.

You’re starting to smile at your brother and notice more and more things around you. Your increasing awareness and movements are making you more appealing to your brother. He enjoys watching what you do and at least four times a day, he comes over, gives you a hug and says, “I LOVE YOU JP.” It gives me great hope for the future! One of my greatest hope – aside from happiness and health – is for you to have a good relationship with your brother.

And, having said that, I would also love for you to have a good relationship with your parents (as in, Daddy and me!). I definitely don't want you to grow up too fast, but when you get there, let's be friends! I love you!

Five Years

2011-06-17T14:09:00.006-04:00

Five years ago today, my hair was swept up in beautiful curls with pink roses. I was about to be married to my best friend in the whole world.

The first year brought us a basement apartment, followed quickly by a move to an upstairs apartment. I quit my job at the hospital and began working at the casino.

The second year saw the end of my employment at the casino, six months of unemployment, and new employment at the addiction treatment centre. Jai began full time employment as the radio station manager.

The third year brought a pregnancy (which did actually begin in the second year), the birth of our first child (and consequently the end of my employment at the addiction treatment centre),

The fourth year brought us home ownership!

The fifth year brought us a second pregnancy and the birth of a second child. Oh, and an air conditioner, which is, you know, QUITE important!

I can't wait to see what the sixth year is going to bring us. And the seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth years. And on and on to infinity.

I love you Jai, happy anniversary!

33 Months

2011-06-01T15:38:00.001-04:00

Dear RJ

Today (May 30^th), you are 33 months old. In three more months you will be three years old!

You are such an amazing little boy! In the space of one day, you can make me laugh, make me angry, make me question my decision to pro-create, and make me thank God for such a wonderful child. That in itself is quite an accomplishment.

You're a happy little boy who loves to tell jokes (the joke quickly followed by the punch line) and loves bugs (wants to find them but doesn't want to touch them), scared of bees (sorry for passing that fear on to you), dislikes the wind (again, sorry for passing that on to you), loves to talk on the phone (real phone or fake phone, it doesn't matter – you're getting quite good at conversing!), and loves to talk (the big words you use are always surprising me – disgusting, delicious, octagone). Oh, and you love to sing.

The past three months have been quite eventful. Okay, I guess I should say the month of May has been quite eventful. May 2-6^th, Grandpa D and Uncle D were here to visit. You really enjoyed their visit and after the first day, you became comfortable with talking and playing with Uncle D and Grandpa D. It's too bad they live so far away! Sometimes, to be cute, you called Grandpa the Grey guy (he wore a grey sweater) and Uncle D the blue guy (blue sweater).

On May 20^th, instead of just picking people up at the airport, you actually got to stay there and ride on the planes! It was your first time on a plane since June of 2009, but I'm pretty sure you don't remember that.

You were such an awesome traveler! We woke you around 5:30am and you were already in a good mood. You had been talking about going to see Uncle Jesse for a few weeks but you didn't really know how long the day was going to be. We boarded the plane around 8-ish and made it to Toronto around 10. We had a three hour layover before our next plane and you just loved walking around the airport looking at the sights (loving all the planes and 'mighty machines' you could see out the windows) and smiling and waving and random strangers. When we arrived at our gate you told a woman there that you were from Toronto. I think all the city names were getting confusing. Either that or you were making an adorable little joke.

The long flight to Edmonton was a bit much but you did enjoy the in-flight television and you did manage a very short nap. You were quite upset when the plane was landing – I think your ears hurt – but you perked up when I gave you a lollipop. I thought maybe if you sucked on it, your ears would feel better.

You were very happy to see Uncle Jesse and get into his big truck and you managed to stay awake for the entire 3 hour drive to Fox Creek. Your body was drooping but it was like some magical exciting 'vacation force' was keeping your eyes pried open. I can understand that because the sides of the highway were littered with all kinds of tractors and excavators! So much to look at! You were exhausted when we arrived at Uncle Jesse's apartment but you perked right up when you saw Shredder the cat. Throughout the long flights and the long waits, the thought of that cat kept you going all day long. That cat was a magic giggle inducing pill no matter how tired you were.

The week we spent at Uncle Jesse's house was awesome. Aside from the cat, you were amazed and enthralled by Uncle Jesse's big screen television, the different playgrounds, and of course, dear old Uncle Jesse. Every single phrase began and ended with Uncle Jesse: "Uncle Jesse, come play with me Uncle Jesse." You followed him around the apartment like a puppy dog!

The trip home was also long but, again, you were a great little traveller. We woke you around 5:30am and were on the road by 6-ish. You were so quiet and well-behaved on the flight to Toronto, just watching your cartoons. The short wait (turned into a slightly longer wait by a small delay) was fine too because you were having fun running around, looking out windows, and riding on the escalators and moving sidewalks. That last flight until home was good because you slept almost the whole way – your baby brother was a little noisier. Gramma woke you up when we were about to land and you said, "IT'S HERE!" and went back to sleep for a few more minutes.

The best part of the journey home was of course, the very end, when you actually ran to Daddy at the gate and gave him a hug. Just typing it out brings tears to my eyes! We were all so very happy to see Daddy at the end of a long week in Alberta. He had the house all clean for us and you settled right in to your own bed again and haven't missed a beat.

( And your bed is TOTALLY full these days. You want blankets galore and about a million stuffed animals in there with you – even the giant dog and two giant teddy bears. And sometimes, you even want a few books in there. )

Since we've been back from Alberta, you seem to have adapted to a new sleep routine. You've been going to bed at 9 or 10pm and waking up at 9 in the morning. That was actually what I wanted because it seems like such a shame to waste the bright summer evenings by going to bed around 7:30-ish. I'm thrilled with your new sleep patterns because earlier in the year – beginning of March – bedtime was like torture. You would cry and scream and fight us every time bed time and nap time rolled around. You usually slept okay but I really hated the daily fights and scream fests. April was also a month of night mares and middle-of-the-night screaming. You also woke up coughing and crying and throwing up one night. It was hard to be mad or angry because I felt so sorry for you!

Oh, and while we're on the subject of bed time fun, you finally climbed out of your crib! It took 32 months, but you did it – on April 27^th. We put you to bed and a few minutes later, you were upstairs again upset about something. So I took you back downstairs, into bed and hid behind the curtain to watch what you would do. You immediately started climbing out again so I burst through the curtain and said, "RJ NO! THAT'S DANGEROUS!" You cried and cried and cried...but you haven't climbed out since. Either you think I'm going to yell at you again or you know what dangerous means. Though, to be truthful, it's not actually all that dangerous for you to climb out of your crib. You're so tall that all you really do is swing your leg over the side and lower yourself down. Obviously you're ready for a big boy bed – you even stayed in bed at Uncle Jesse's house (which was a mattress on the floor). But hey, putting together the bigger bed would take work and I like having you in the crib because (unless you start climbing out regularly) then I can relax for a bit without worrying what you're up to.

A couple days ago, I decided to give potty training another time. When you woke up, I explained to you about big boys using big boy underwear and potties to pee on. You seemed to understand. In less than an hour, you peed on the floor about 6 times. You were getting more and more upset and I was getting more and more frustrated. After your nap you cried when I mentioned underwear and said, "I don't want to wear underwear."

At this point, I'm not sure what will motivate you to pee on the potty. Bribery doesn't work; neither does the motivation of being a 'big boy.' You just don't care that wearing diapers is something baby brother does. You may not understand that you need to pee in the potty, but you totally understand that babies wear SMALL diapers, and you – as a big boy – wear big diapers. It's just the way your mind works I guess. So, because I don't want to be cleaning pee of every surface of the house and changing clothes 25 thousand times a day, we're going to take a different approach. Daddy and I are thinking of trying out a potty chart. Whenever you pee in the potty, you'll get a sticker and when you get 5 (or 10) stickers you'll get a hot wheels car or something. Again, bribery doesn't work but maybe we can reframe it as a reward system. I don't know. Anyway, maybe when I write your 36 month letter, you'll be a master potty peeper. Can't wait to see what happens!

Three more months and my first born child will be three years old. It doesn't seem possible. Last night Daddy said, "Sometimes I wish he could stay this age forever." Sure, you frustrate us a lot. But you are so much fun! It's amazing to watch your brain suck up information and it's amazing to watch you grow bigger and stronger. So, you don't have to stay this age FOREVER, but could you slow down a bit? Just a bit? We're having so much fun here! I love you!

3 months

2011-05-21T15:57:00.005-04:00

Dear JP

(posted a day early (to be edited over the next few days) because I'm in Alberta)

Today you are 3 months old! We are currently staying with Uncle Jesse in the small Northern Alberta town where he resides. You traveled like a little champion on the two plane rides as you mostly slept. You also had some awake and cheerful periods and just one period where you cried uncontrollably. That was after Uncle Jesse picked us up and you had been good for HOURS up until that point. I think you really deserved a good cry.

Uncle Jesse's cat is, of course, nervous around your brother (most people are nervous around two year olds!) but he's interested in you. You are quieter (most of the time) and you smell delicious! At least I'm pretty sure you smell delicious...to a cat! Yes, you've got that new baby smell that appeals to humans but I'm guessing your other aromas of old spit up, dirty diapers, and milk breath must make quite tempting concoction. I'll write about the rest of our Alberta vacation in your four month letter.

I'm very thankful that this month you are becoming a mellower baby. For awhile there it seemed like if you were awake, you were crying. It was really frustrating for me because I didn't like the idea of you being unhappy. Plus, you know, it was loud! Right about the time you started smiling responsively was when your crying lessened somewhat. You still have a couple major crying jags every day but fortunately, those are interspersed with some very cheerful and smiley awake times where you are constantly looking around. It's so fun to see you become more and more aware of the people and things around you.

Your third month of life started out with the regular vaccinations given to two-month old babies. You, naturally, did not enjoy the shots but you handled the after-affects better than your older brother. You didn't seem to be in as much pain from your legs and the shots didn't interrupt your sleep pattern, though it is very difficult to maintain a regular pattern with such a young baby.

Right now your sleep schedule is as follows: 10pm bedtime to a 7am wake time with zero, one, or two wake-ups scattered throughout. Then a morning nap around 8-10am, followed by a cat nap around 11:30-12pm. Your longest nap is in the afternoon an is usually around 1:30 - 5:30pm. Followed by a cat nap around 7;30 - 8, and then the whole process starts over again with bedtime around 10pm.

May 15th to the 16th was the greatest overnight ever! You actually slept nine hours! From 10pm to 7am! I was an still am amazed! It hasn't happened again but I know it will one day!

If you're not sleeping a long night sleep or the afternoon sleep, you're eating every hour and a half or so AND eating about 2-3 ounces at each feeding.

All this sleeping and eating has made you a very healthy baby! At your two-month check up, (which took place on April 26th) you weighed in at 11.4 lbs, measured in at 23 inches long, and measured a head circumference of 40 cm. I don't know if this makes you a big baby or not, but you are bigger than your older brother was at the same age. Perhaps you will grow up to be bigger than him!

Unfortunately, with regards to health, you're still battling the annoying thrush in your mouth, but thankfully it hasn't spread anywhere else. You're a very mucousy baby, in that your nose always seems to be plugged up (whereas your brother's nose was always dry) and I'll tell you one thing, you do NOT enjoy having your nose cleared by the 'booger sucker.' I don't enjoy making you cry but it has to be done otherwise you struggle so hard to breath! Poor baby! What with all the crying you do and all the torture I inflict upon you, I'm so relieved by the smiles you give. I'm going to assume you have no idea I'm responsible for the boogie sucking.

I'm wondering if you are already teething because you are constantly drooling all over the place. It's making the skin on your face red and pimply (though you're still cute) so you'll probably end up with a big giant rash just like your brother had when he was teething. Don't worry, he's fine. That rash had no lasting side effects on his cuteness.

Even if you become covered in thrush and rashes, you'll still be one adorable baby! I've found adjusting to two children in the house to be very difficult, but it helps that you and your brother are both incredibly cute.

Scarred Bellies

2011-05-16T13:49:00.003-04:00

A very good friend of mine (from elementary school days) had her first baby at age 19. She told me she was expecting a baby when I met up with her on the city bus one evening. I hadn't seen her in years (we went to different high schools and drifted apart) but we were still friendly during chance encounters. I later learned that she gave birth to a healthy baby boy and was very happy.

So, we all know what having a baby does to your body, right? Sometimes you can bounce back and look as if you've never even been pregnant. But other women have a hard time losing the weight and LOTS of women are left with permanent physical scars called stretch marks.

Anyway, I assume this old friend of mine (and new mama) loved her baby but wasn't the type to stay home all the time. I heard - from other friends - that she liked to go out and party and dance at the local bars and dance clubs. The bar scene has never been for me but I never really cared what 'old friend' was doing. I like to hear good things about people but it doesn't really affect my life if people I used to know are out shooting heroin or - on the flip-side - doing missionary work in Papua New Guinea.

So during the early twenties portion of our life, a friend of mine who enjoyed frequenting the bars would tell me about 'new mom' who also frequented the bars. What ALWAYS came up in conversation was her stretch marks. I would think, if gossip was going to be exchanged, it would be more interesting. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll, you know? But, sadly, no. What this other friend of mine couldn't get past was the stretch marks.

"She was dancing and she lifted her arms up above her head and I saw her stomach and you should HAVE SEEN IT!! It was disgusting! Stretch marks all over the place!"

When she told me this the first time I think I said something like, "Ew, yuck," even thought I was thinking, "what's the big deal?" But by the seventh, eight, and eightieth telling, I was just done with it.

Really? A woman has stretch marks? A woman who had a baby has stretch marks? They're on her stomach? You're kidding! I'll call Ripley! UGH!!!!

So now, half a dozen years later, I've had two babies. And guess what? I have stretch marks on my stomach. If she knew (or saw my stomach) would she go on and on about how disgusting stretch marks are?

She doesn't have kids yet. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. The mature part of me will just retro-actively ignore every single comment ever uttered about how gross a mother's body is. The immature part of me is hoping she gets covered from head to foot in garishly purple stretch marks.

Nosy Children

2011-05-11T09:16:00.003-04:00

I was walking by the school yard yesterday, on my way to the grocery store. Both boys were fastened securely into the double stroller and, as so often happens when I pass the school yard at recess, a swarm of little children clamored to the fence to see the babies. This has been happening ever since RJ was born and I started going for walks. The bigger kids don't care but all the little kids (maybe around age 4-6) are fascinated by the little babies and want to ask me all kinds of questions.

Is that a boy or a girl?

Do you have other children?

Do you like babies?

How old are they?

Stuff like that. Though yesterday I heard a new question, one I hadn't been asked before (at least not by random children):

Are you going to have any more babies?

I just laughed and said, "I already have two, why would I want another one?" and kept walking, as one child yelled after me, "WELL MY MOMMY HAS THREE BABIES!"

When I heard this question, I flashed back in time to a six year old me, asking the same question.

I remember sitting next to a woman after a church service, talking to her and feeling so proud that SHE was actually talking to ME. You see, I thought she was amazing. She was small and blond and gorgeous and kind and sweet and soft-spoken. I felt privileged to be talking to her and honoured that she would give me some of her time. You know how kids are prone to hero worship.

Anyway, I distinctly remember asking her if she was going to have children. This lady did go on to eventually have (at least) two children but I can't remember if she already had the first child at this point or if she was pregnant or if she was just newly married or what. Anyway, I think she said something like, "I'm not sure," and the conversation went on. Eventually I left with my mom and continued on my merry way, living life the way a happy six year old would.

Some time later, my mom sat me down for a "talk." Apparently this gorgeous blond woman had talked to my mom about my inappropriateness and how I had offended her with my personal questions. I was HORRIFIED!! I burst into tears and screamed that the lady was lying or at the very least she must have confused me with a different child.

My mom, probably astounded at my hugely over-the-top reaction, calmed me down and apologized and said she must have mis-heard or blond lady was probably mistaken.

Yes, I lied to my mom - out of shame and fear that I was about to get into trouble. My mom never brought it up again and I'm sure she forgot about it fairly quickly. I, on the other hand, have never really forgotten it.

I'm not sure why, but this experience has always stuck with me. I think because it was the first time I realized you can't just go asking ANYTHING to ANYONE. What a concept: some people do, indeed, get offended by certain questions or topics of conversation.

And people really don't like to have their personal life questioned by random strangers or random (adorable) children at church. I can understand that, for the most part. I don't want people on the street asking me about my family planning methods or other personal topics.

And this goes for kids too.

But a 4 year old? Or 5? Or 6? Do they even know any better? Aren't they just learning to have real conversations? Aren't they curious little creatures?

I make exceptions for small children. Sure, they need to learn about social etiquette but they don't need to be shamed or scared into it.

And maybe that's what blond gorgeous lady was trying to do. She quietly and calmly talked to my mom about my offensive questions as to not shame me in person. This, perhaps, was supposed to be a gentle way of teaching me about the 'right' way to act. Who knows. In my six-year-old mind, I saw her as a big tattle tale. I also know that I never really talked to her one-on-one for the remainder of the time that our families attended the same church. Heck, she was probably happy about that.

After those kids were asking me personal questions yesterday, I found myself getting a bit angry at blond lady. I'm not paralyzed by rage or insecurity because of this decades-old incident, but I find myself wondering why she couldn't just make an exception, as many people do. I was a small curious child and I asked her if she was going to have children. Couldn't she have just laughed it off and forgotten about it?

Then again, maybe she didn't see me as a small curious child. Maybe she saw me as a nosy snot-nosed little rug rat. She then went on to have her own nosy snot-nosed little rug rats.

I bet they were perfect children who NEVER asked ANY inappropriate questions EVER.

Mother's Day

2011-05-09T20:26:00.006-04:00

Before my second son was born, I wrote out a list of all the reasons why I wanted a daughter. Well, I thought of another reason: I want a daughter because when I'm with my husband's family, I'm the only girl!

My husband's father and brother were here from May 2nd to May 6th and while relaxing and visiting, I realized I was surrounded by men. A husband, a father-in-law, a brother-in-law, a two year old son, and a two month old son. It makes me wish for a comrade-in-arms or at the very least someone else who has ovaries. Someone besides the turtle.

But, as I've reiterated many times, I'm not disappointed by my two sons. Yes, part of me wishes for a daughter but I would NEVER trade away one of my beautiful boys. I love them so much. Even when they're both screaming, I'm thankful for my life.

I'm thankful for the picky little boy who made me a mother AND for the foul-smelling little boy who followed him.

Jelly Beans

2011-04-26T09:09:00.003-04:00

Easter of 1985, when I was approaching my 2nd birthday, my mom and I spent Easter with my Grandmother. She made me an adorable little clay bunny full of jelly beans. At that time, I didn't know what jelly beans (or candy for that matter) were so I played with them like I would any other toys. I sorted the colours and lined them up and counted them, etc. (I don't actually remember doing this, it's what my mom told me I did).

For Easter this year, we gave RJ a plastic cow full of jelly beans. When you push on the cows legs, he poops out a brown jelly bean. Sure, it's not as classy as a homemade clay bunny, but I thought it would appeal to some of his interests. Namely, cows and poop.

Predictably, he thought the jelly bean pooping cow was hilarious! Now his train table is covered in "poop" and his trains and construction trucks are moving the poop around and lifting it and little RJ can't stop talking about all the stuff that is happening to the poop.

Rewind to 1985 - After I had played with the jelly beans from my Grandmother for awhile, my hands started to get sticky. So I licked my fingers and discovered they were sweet! And that is how I discovered candy! I was innocently playing with my new toys and inadvertently discovered said toys were made out of SUGAR!!!

Back to 2011 - RJ doesn't know the cow poop is actually jelly beans. I'm waiting for him to lick his fingers and discover the sweetness.

He has actually had candy before (the garbage men hand out suckers) but not a lot. When I saw my little boy playing so intently with the jelly beans (and NOT knowing what they actually were), I got such a kick out of it.

Here we are, about 25 years after my own Easter surprise, on the cusp of yet another Easter jelly bean discovery.

Two Months

2011-04-22T10:01:00.002-04:00

Dear JP

Today you are two months old. It’s been a lovely, yet difficult two months.

Lovely because we totally LOVE you and you are so adorable and even after such a short time, we already can't imagine life without you.

Difficult because we're all totally exhausted and, unfortunately, your favourite pastime is crying and fussing.

Thankfully, over the last couple weeks, your fussing and crying has lessened somewhat. You’re getting more alert and are able to focus more. I think if there’s more to look at and more to see, you’re more likely to check out your surroundings rather than cry.

On April 15th, you had your first sleepover at Gramma’s house. Your dad and I wanted to spend some ‘alone’ time with your older brother. I missed you as soon as Gramma took you away, but it was nice to have a longer sleep. I felt better the next morning than I had in weeks! Or months, if you want to take into account how awful I felt every morning during pregnancy.

We put you in your crib for the first time on April 16th. The basic 'routine' seems to be: in the crib at 11pm, up around 1:30am for a bottle, up around 4:30am for a bottle, and then up 7am for a bottle. After that last bottle, you sometimes go right back to bed, sometimes you're up for a few hours. You're obviously not sleeping through the night, but I'm able to feel more rested because I'm in my own bed. Prior to April 16th, your dad and I were taking turns sleeping upstairs with you. I was very nervous about bringing you downstairs to the family sleeping area because I thought your nighttime cries would wake up your brother. So far that doesn't seem to have happened. Knock on wood.

It is proving very difficult to get you down for a nap during the day as well as the final sleep before everyone is in bed. It seems like the more tired you are, the harder it is for you to fall asleep. There's no sure-fire way to 'make' you fall asleep as it always seems to be something different. However, I have learned that covering your eyes with a blanket will help you settle. And once you ARE down for the night, you sleep solidly and only wake up quickly for a bottle.

What’s made your fussy periods more bearable has been the introduction of a sling. I wish I’d had it from the beginning, but now that we DO have it, I’m able to keep you close to me while paying attention to your brother. You are definitely a baby who likes to be held.

You’re eating about 2 to 3 oz every feeding, which are spaced about an hour to an hour a half apart. You spit up more frequently this month than you did last month but I hope that's not going to become a common occurrence.

It’s been very tough finding a formula for you as you seem to have a very delicate digestive system. You continue to be a gassy baby with the smelliest farts I’ve ever smelled. We’ve settled on a lactose free formula and, while you’re still very gassy and fussy, we’re going to stick with it and hope your tummy troubles mellow out as you get bigger and stronger.

And yes, you are indeed getting bigger! We’re seeing chubby wrists, chubby legs, and an adorable double chin. You’ve outgrown your teeny tiny newborn clothes and are wearing the regular newborn outfits. Even those are getting a bit tight and I think it’s time to break out the 3 month clothing.

The best thing that happened this past month (best thing in baby-land anyway) is the little smiles that we’re getting. I’ve been busting my butt trying to get a smile out of you. During your wakeful, calmer periods, I’ve been making ridiculous high pitched noises and every so often, your eyes lock with mine and my lunacy is rewarded with a tiny and very fleeting smile. I’m hoping the smiles increase both length and frequency.

So yes, it's been an exhausting couple of months. But it IS getting easier (as we move into a workable routine). I wouldn't change it for a second, I love you so so much!!!

Crying it out

2011-04-19T14:33:00.002-04:00

I'm not a fan of letting a baby "cry it out" but sometimes there isn't really a choice.

I wish I could hold my little baby all day long and let him sleep on my chest and cuddle him for hours. But there just isn't time.

RJ needs his diaper changed, RJ wants to play, RJ needs his lunch, RJ wants some juice, RJ needs this and RJ wants that. I can only tell him to wait and hold on so many times. I can only put off needs for so long. I have a sling that helps him sleep and enables me to do some things around the house while holding baby close to me (thereby lessening his cries). But I can't use the sling all the time. I have to cuddle with RJ to put him down to sleep and I need to have a shower sometimes. I also can't do every single chore with a baby strapped to my chest. Lots but not all.

And, inevitably, the baby has to cry sometimes. So, if I HAVE to let my baby cry sometimes, I just hope some 'good' comes of it. I hope, sooner rather than later, he'll perfect some sort of self soothing and be able to fall asleep without crying and/or be able to wait quietly for his mama.

My poor little cry baby. It's not fair that the fussy baby is born second because mama's attention is divided.

Mother guilt is awesome.

Turning a Corner

2011-04-14T13:20:00.003-04:00

When RJ started solid foods, he was a good eater. Aside from peas, he ate all the pureed food I put in front of him. As he got older he ate all the little chunks I gave him. I don't remember when it happened (it's probably written down somewhere), but one day, RJ would only eat cheerios and blueberries. And that one day turned into two days and then a week! That was the beginning of the picky eating.

After that, I began to hate and dread all meal times. Crying about food, only eating one food for weeks, only eating NO food for weeks, and on and on.

Over the last year and a bit, RJ has settled on a very small list of foods that he'll always eat, a slightly larger list of foods that he'll sometimes eat, and a huge list of foods that he hates. Oh and there's also a little list of foods that scare him. We've been making it work for the last while and I don't loath and fear meal times anymore.

AND, every once in a while, RJ will surprisingly try a new food item and like it. Most of the time that food item will transfer to the sometimes eat list but occasionally it will end up on the always eat list. Like black olives! Didn't see that coming!

Anyway, whenever RJ eats a new food item, I immediately jump to the conclusion that we're turning a corner.

RJ ATE A BITE OF HAMBURGER!!! THE PICKY EATING IS OVER!

Then of course it's six months before he'll even look at hamburger again. Or, I don't know, spaghetti is soooo good one day, but the next time it makes him cry. UGH!

It's one of my bad habits. Thinking we've turned a corner when really, we haven't.

And I'm doing it again. Of course!

This little JP is a cry baby! Will he ever stop crying so hard?

Oh, he only cried for one hour tonight, we're obviously turning a corner to less fussiness! Fast forward to the next night when he cries for 3 hours straight.

Or, hooray, JP slept for 3 hours in a row, we're obviously turning a corner to longer night sleeps. Fast forward to the next night when he wakes up every hour.

It's inevitable.

You would think that a second child for me, would be turning a corner into the land of knowing that children are unpredictable; a corner into knowing NOT to stress out about every little thing.

I always think we're turning corners but as it turns out, when I get around that corner, it's exactly the same.

Lesson to self (which I will promptly forget): STOP STRESSING

Proud of myself

2011-04-10T14:43:00.003-04:00

The other day I wrote about liking the compliments I get, despite not having done a darn thing to lose the pregnancy weight. I don't know if I should feel proud about getting back to my regular shape so fast, but, nevertheless, I do.

There are also a few other things about which I feel proud:

In my first labour, I went from 0 to 10 cm dilation in 4 hours (after having my water broken). Was that because of anything I did? No, it's just what my body did (with the help of pitocin of course) but I still feel proud. Zero to ten in 4 hours baby! I rock!

In my second labour, I went from 0 to 10 in 3 and a half hours. Again, my body just did it but I still feel proud of myself.

That second labour was also done without an epidural. I wanted an epidural but the labour moved too quickly and there wasn't time. So, without having planned to do so, I had a natural child birth. And even though women do it every day all over the world, I feel really proud of myself!

So.

I've experienced things that were beyond my control.

These things happen to millions of women all over the world.

And yet...I feel so immensely proud and happy with what I've accomplished. Regardless of whether or not they can actually be referred to as accomplishments.

Why yes, as a matter of fact, I AM awesome. I totally rock!

Looking Wonderful

2011-04-08T14:19:00.002-04:00

After RJ was born, I lost almost 30 pounds in two weeks. I figured it was a fluke and it definitely wouldn't happen a second time. When JP was born, I lost 25 pounds in two weeks. So yes, it happened again.

Why, did it happen? I don't know. With RJ I continued to feel sick after the birth but with JP, I felt one hundred times better. After both pregnancies, it took awhile for my appetite to come back but when it did, I ate a LOT of junk food. So, bottom line, I don't think the weight loss had anything to do what what I did, but rather, it just happened because my body wanted to go back to it's original form.

So, I didn't do anything to get back to pre-pregnancy weight but I'm being complimented on it. It's like being complimented on something over which I have no control, kind of like hair colour or eye colour.

Two weeks after my son was born, people were saying, YOU LOOK WONDERFUL or I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST HAD A BABY!!!

Four weeks after my son was born, same thing.

Now, six weeks after my son was born, I'm still getting compliments.

I always accept the compliments but feel a little funny doing so. Because, as I said, I didn't do anything!

However, I also LIKE the compliments. I feel like I deserve them because pregnancy was so difficult.

But alas, my undeserved compliments are going to end one day. So when will they end? When do people stop being amazed at how quickly you lost the pregnancy weight? Eight weeks? Four months? Six months?

Something tells me that when my children are teenagers, people will NOT be telling me how awesome it is that I lost all the weight OR they can't believe I JUST had a baby!!

*smile*

Give me something

2011-03-31T13:29:00.001-04:00

Unless your baby smiles as soon as he pops out of the womb (hehe), then there is probably a waiting period between the time your baby is born and the time you see his first smile.

Of course you get the adorable 'gas smiles' or as I call them, sleep smiles. I don't find that the first involuntary smiles correspond with gas, I find they occur after a satisfying feed while in the hilarious 'milk coma.' Those sleep smiles are precious and treasured but, of course, they are not a true smile given to mommy and daddy (out of complete devotion and adoration).

That's what we're waiting for now. We want a real smile from our little JP.

RJ smiled responsively around six weeks old. I think the first time he actually smiled at me was when I decided to see if I could reach his foot to his mouth. Those smiles were rare at first but became more and more common as he got older. By two and a half months, he was smiling quite a lot and definitely in response to funny sounds or faces that we made. His first giggle was around four months of age.

Responsive smiles are so wonderful and I'll tell you why. Not only are they adorable but they are validation for sleep deprived parents. Especially if your baby cries a lot. Mommy and Daddy are stumbling around the house, falling asleep while waiting for the bottle to warm up, and trying desperately to comfort a baby who may or may not have tummy troubles.

Oh yeah, they're also silently crying that their baby seriously HATES them! With all that crying, this baby must be totally miserable. He obviously hates the world and everything around him. We're complete parental failures. He's going to grow up and remember this time when nothing we did was comforting and we let him cry for hours. He's going to need therapy because we screwed him up in his first month of life.

We suck.

During a few quite moments - quiet because the baby enjoying one of his calm moments - Mommy and Daddy sneak in some precious newborn snuggles and cuddles. Perhaps a few high-pitched voices and noises are made? Some raspberries blown on a beautifully soft tummy? Some tickles administered under a kissable chin?

Any reaction?

Nope, nothing.

Baby is busy ignoring us and staring off into space. Or he's staring at a light. Or going cross eyed after accidentally smacking himself in the face with a flailing arm.

Ga ga goo goooooooooo bay-beeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Anything??

Hmm..tough audience.

Oh, but when the little one finally decides to throw us a smile, the Mommy and Daddy heart bursts open in a shower of unicorns, rainbows, and newborn kittens who fart gummy bears. We triumphantly fist pump the air as Freddie Mercury sings We Are The Champions. Oh, and there's streamers and confetti flying too.

To sleep deprived parents who think the baby hates them, that first responsive smile is the validation we wait for.

When we see it, we know in our heart of hearts that we're not total failures. The baby doesn't hate us. We can do this!!

There is even a fleeting thought that this one beautiful smile is better than medium-well filet mignon, 18 year old Scotch, and a night of hot sex.

That smile will propel us through a week's worth of sleepless nights.

So we're waiting little JP. Give us something!

Even a smirk will do!

I take it back

2011-03-29T13:15:00.003-04:00

When you have a new baby, sleep deprivation is par for the course: it is an expected part of the adjustment period. I knew I would be tired when JP was born, though I didn't realize how truly awful it would be. Even though I've done it before, two and a half years ago, I'd forgotten what it felt like to be so utterly exhausted, both mentally and physically. I don't think we're supposed to anticipate the extent of the exhaustion or remember what it felt like the first time because then nobody would want children or a second child.

I was tired a lot after RJ was born but around 4 months of age, he started sleeping longer stretches at night - off and on - and soon after started sleeping straight through . I heard about other babies (the same age and older) who had yet to sleep through the night and I figured out that we had a pretty good sleeper. Not the best but definitely not the worst. I was very thankful for my sleepy baby. Not only did he (most of the time) sleep through the night, but he loved to nap and maintained a three-nap-a-day schedule until after his first birthday.

After RJ's first birthday, he quickly moved to two naps a day and then one. And that one nap a day has been the norm ever since. Sometimes a short nap, sometimes a really long one. Aside from a few setbacks and weird phases, RJ has always been a good sleeper. BUT, a good eater he is not. He's better than he was and is always making improvements but there was a looooooong period where I wanted to cry every day around dinner (not to mention breakfast and lunch).

I remember saying to myself, "I don't care if my next child is a horrible sleeper, just let him be a decent eater."

When I said that, RJ was sleeping well and I was a rested mother of one.

Guess what...

I take it back.

At this point, fully immersed in the exhaustion that is having a new baby, I take it back. If JP would choose one over the other, I would prefer he choose to be a good sleeper rather than a good eater.

This baby is different than RJ in many ways. One of which is his sleep. RJ could fall asleep at the drop of a hat (at the beginning) and noisy situations around him didn't make a difference. Noises don't make a difference to JP either but only if he's been in a deep sleep for awhile.

If he's been awake for awhile, JP is so terribly distracted by EVERYTHING! He seems to be startled by the smallest noises and when he's been awake awhile he just cries and whines and CANNOT settle down, as if everything in the world is just too stimulating.

I've taken to turning out all the lights, and patting his back in a dark room to get him to sleep. He starts to fall asleep, then jerks awake with an angry look, cries for a bit and closes his eyes again - repeat cycle with 'jerking awake' happening and less and less frequent intervals until they stop altogether. This process has been taking up to half an hour or more. Some would say let him cry it out but I think that's way too cruel to do to a five week old! But I find myself silently screaming JUST FALL ASLEEP ALREADY! JUST DO IT!!! It's such a battle and I don't understand why he fights sleep so much. I want to say, Dude, seriously, you're not missing anything!

Things will change because a baby's system and schedule are always changing. But if this fighting off sleep and long grumpy wakeful periods are any indication of what his ENTIRE baby-hood will be like, then we're in for some irritating and tiring times ahead. Especially if he takes his sweet time learning to sleep through the night.

So next time I complain about RJ's picky eating habbits, I'll kick myself in the face and remember to be thankful for his good sleeping.

Good eater over good sleeper? No thanks, you can starve yourself but ME, I really need to sleep.

Pulled in too many directions

2011-03-24T13:25:00.006-04:00

I'm finding it really hard to adjust to life with two children: a newborn and a toddler. In some ways it's easier than I thought but in other ways it's more difficult than I ever imagined. I am forever, all day long, pulled in two directions. I feel overwhelmed with how needed I am and frustrated that I'm unable to find a manageable routine.

First off, I am totally aware that:

Single moms do it without the help of a partner

People have twins and triplets and higher multiple births and they manage to make it work

People have more than two kids and manage to make it work all the time

I have an amazingly helpful husband and a mom who offers to help out whenever she can

I'm able-bodied and can do this 'mom thing' without, say, a wheel chair, a prosthetic leg, an oxygen tank, a visual impairment (etc)

It's only been four weeks and it WILL get better.

I know all that.

Another big thing - something that my mom told me - is to be thankful that I get to do 'all this' with Jai. She, on the other hand, did it with my father, whose idea of child raising was sitting downstairs drinking and coming upstairs periodically to yell at us to stop making noise.

I don't have post-partum depression and I don't wish either one of my children away. I'm just honestly stating that parenting two children is SO difficult.

Like I said, some of it IS easier. Since I healed so well - and I'm also NOT pregnant anymore - it's easier to get on the floor and play and roll around with my children. I was expecting a horrible healing experience (like last time) and I worried constantly about how I be able to watch both children, while feeling bad, while Jai was at work. Since I felt good so soon, that is one worry that flew out the window rather quickly.

The little day-to-day tasks are easy too. All the little things that my baby needs - bottles made, diapers changed, burps, laundry, cuddles, feeding, etc. I remember it all from the first time around and I can do it.

What's most difficult is the constantly being needed by two children as well as various tasks around the house. I'm so scattered and pulled and I feel like a horrible mother because I can't do everything and help everyone at once.

RJ gets up in the morning and wants a bottle. We're trying to eliminate the morning bottle but at this point it's not worth the argument or the tantrum. While RJ drinks his bottle and watches some cartoons, I can change JP, then feed him, then put him down somewhere and start washing and making his daily bottles. As soon as I put him down, he starts to cry (he ALWAYS wants to be held) and then RJ wants to play trains. "Just a minute" and "when mommy is done" and "I have to help your brother" are already well used phrases. RJ is starting to tell me NOT to do things:
"No mommy, don't burp JP!"
"You're not going to change his bum!"
"You're not going to make the bottle."

But of course I do. I walk away from RJ and do whatever else needs to be done, which is usually feeding since JP eats every hour. As soon as I finish feeding him (he's a SLOW eater), we have a few minutes to play before the baby is crying for the next feeding.

But depending on what I've started, the baby has to continue crying for a while. RJ has probably pooped and needs a diaper change, which involves chasing him around, catching him, and holding him down with my legs while he kicks and screams. Yes, he should be potty trained but he's not so whatever. And when I have to let JP cry to do other things - which happens several times a day - I feel SO guilty! I never let RJ cry like that (but he DIDN'T cry like that anyway)! It's the second child who gets shafted like that. And let's not get started on the guilt I feel for 'ignoring' RJ so much these days.

When RJ is settled with a clean diaper and a cup of diluted juice and some food, I feed the baby again, then put him down while I jump in the shower. I hope I can shower and run downstairs to get dressed before he starts crying TOO hard. When I finish 'getting ready for the day,' RJ and I play. I hold the baby "rock him" while playing trains or drawing or playing cars or playing tools or trying on different hats. I do it all one-handed. If our play takes us downstairs I try to start some laundry while we're down there.

At some point, I realize that the baby has been awake for 3 hours and is probably quite tired. So I feed him and rock him to sleep and put him down. Three seconds later, he's screaming to be picked up. The rocking to sleep and putting down and screaming routine continues until I realize it's time for RJ's nap. So I put the baby in the swing and hope he doesn't cry TOO hard and take RJ downstairs with his bottle and book.

Then I take the baby out of the swing and back upstairs to be fed and attempt to put him down for a nap too. Eventually he's so exhausted that he just falls asleep after two gulps of milk. He finally stays asleep for longer than 2 minutes but I'm hearing the older one scream for me from downstairs. So we do the bedtime routine again and I come back upstairs thinking I should probably have some breakfast - though by this point, it's almost 2 in the afternoon.

But the little one is crying for food again. And I'm falling asleep on my feet because I was up all night warming up bottles and trying to get the baby to sleep somewhere other than on my belly.

Then RJ gets up from his nap a lot sooner than anticipated and he immediately wants to play. But of course the baby is crying again so I do the one-armed play. It's survival time until Daddy gets home, which, with his job, it's anybody's guess when that will actually be.

And they tell you to nap when the baby naps... When would I have time to do the six million pounds of laundry and cook something for dinner

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm depressed about all this - because I'm not. I'm in love with my little boys, despite one being a helpless newborn and the other being a 'terrible two.' I love playing with RJ and I love how he's old enough to have conversations now. He makes me laugh a hundred times a day! I also love having a newborn. He's so tiny and floppy and adorable and I just can't get enough cuddle time. I wouldn't want to live life without either of my boys. But it is hard right now.

So very hard.

JP - One Month

2011-03-22T12:41:00.003-04:00

Dear JP

Today you are one month old. And I can't believe it! Has it been a month already?

We celebrated your one-month birthday with a trip to the doctor's office. You've got a nice case of oral thrush, alternately known as candidias,or just a good old fashioned fungal infection. You have a nice white coating on your tongue and gums and yes, now that you mention it, it does look rather disgusting. But the good news is, thrush is very common among newborns and it doesn't actually cause too much discomfort. But yeah, it's gross. But we figure another gross gooey baby affliction is perfect for you, seeing as you are the stinkiest, burpiest, and fartiest baby I've ever known! Your man-sized burps and farts, as well as your grunts, are so loud! I can't believe they come from a tiny infant body, such as yours.

But even though you are epically stinky, I still love you a lot! It took a couple weeks, but it has definitely sunk in that I have two children now. At first I had a hard time remembering that your name was JP and just referred to you as RJ. You looked nearly identical to your brother I felt like I was having deja-vu - you look the same, move the same, make the same noises, and the same facial expressions. I'm really sorry that I didn't immediately known you as a unique individual. Blame genetics, ok? By the end of your first month, I would say you're definitely starting to look more like your own person. But yeah, you still look a whole lot like your big brother.

You're also roughly the same size as RJ at a month old. RJ was 18 inches at birth and by one month he had grown to 20 inches. You were 19 inches at birth and have grown to 20 inches. It's as if your brother had to grow quicker to catch up. You, on the other hand, didn't need to grow as much because you were bigger to start with. So you've outgrown your newborn outfits (which is weird because at first everything was much too big), the newborn diapers are a bit too tight (also weird because they too were big on you), and have put on a little bit of baby-chub. I'm seeing definite signs of chubby legs and a double chin.

But one way in which you are different from your brother is poop. That's right, I said poop. When your brother first came home from the hospital, he didn't poop for 9 days. Your dad and I were, of course, very worried. But then he started pooping and has had no problems ever since. You, on the other hand, pooped 5 times before we even left the hospital (and we were only there for about 35 hours total) Then when we got home, you pooped a few more times and I was quite thrilled. You weren't going to have any constipation problems like your big brother – no poop worries here! But then you started farting and crying and whining and grunting like mad. Every time you pooped, you would cry. And oh the gas was plentiful. I've never seen such a farty baby AND you were stinky, oh so stinky. I know I already said that, but you need to understand the magnitude of these farts.

Anyway, since you pooped so much before you even left the hospital, you lost 6 ounces before we went home. You were 5 lbs 9 oz when being weighed before leaving. Five days later, at your check-up, you had regained most of the lost weight and weighed in at 6 pounds even. Your jaundice was clearing up nicely and the doctor said you looked perfect.

When we first arrived home, you were eating about half an ounce at each feeding. That amount quickly grew to 2 ounces and by month's end, we're nearly up to 3 ounces with each feeding. You eat, on average, about every hour and a half. One of my favourite things about new babies is the 'open baby bird mouth' when hungry. If you're hungry, you open your mouth wide and root around frantically just hoping something will land in your mouth. A soother will not do!

Your dad and I are taking turns sleeping with you at night. One of us sleeps upstairs with you and the other sleeps downstairs with RJ. The idea is that the parent who sleeps with RJ will - hopefully - get a little more sleep. The parent with you doesn't get a lot of sleep, maybe just a few hours. You're waking up every one to two hours for feedings but there has been signs of longer sleeps. Dad said you slept for almost four hours straight one night. The best way we can get through this newborn period of sleeplessness is to tell ourselves that it's temporary. Your brother eventually slept for longer stretches at night and we know you will too. The fact that both Dad and I are sick with colds isn't making the sleeplessness any easier.

Unfortunately, I think you have some tummy troubles. You have some periods during the day, where you cry inconsolably. This crying is accompanied by stretching and farting and sometimes (yes) pooping. On top of this, I think you have troubles transitioning from wake to sleep and from sleep to wake. Some babies just can't drift off easily or wake up happy. I don't know if this difficulty is a sign of what your future temperament will be, but right now, it's as if you need to cry in order to become fully awake or to fall into a deep sleep. It's normal (so I've been told) but it does seem strange to us as your older brother was never really one who cried.

But I get it - you're the second child. You have to cry to be noticed sometimes. I think, little JP, that you're going to have to be pretty tough to grow up in our family. Your brother, while quite thrilled with his "tiny soft baby," is unintentionally quite rough. He's leaned on you, pulled your limbs, and almost climbed up onto you (while you were on the couch) on more than one occasion. But he does love you. He wants you to be included in everything and he wants to show you things like toys and drawings and tv shows. He says, I love you JP and pats your head and holds your hand and tickles your feet. It's all very adorable and I hope it points to a childhood full of brotherly fun!

On March 4th – and I can't believe I'm admitting this to you – I dropped you! You were in your car seat (sleeping) and I picked it up to move it. Then I tripped, and tipped the car seat and out you rolled onto the floor with a nice clunk! I took your furious tears (and the fact that all your limbs still worked) as a sign that you were ok. AND, of course, once I knew you were okay, I was free to break down in nervous and horrified sobs.

Sigh....

And let's not forget the few times I've forgotten to buckle you into the car seat before leaving. Is that CPS knocking on my door...?

You know, when your brother was a few days old, I dropped the phone on his head. Then when he was a few months old, I walked him into a boiling pot of water and scalded his leg. I promised myself that when I had a second child, I wouldn't cause him any bodily harm. Well so far so good...not! I guess that's an impossible promise for me to make. But I will promise you a few things, ok?

Number one: I promise never to INTENTIONALLY cause you harm and I will always apologize if I accidentally hurt you.

Number two: I love you as much as I love your brother. Your brother made me a mother, but it was you who completed our family. I love you both the same.

Number three: I will love you forever. No matter what you do in life, I will love you.

That's right, JP, my beautiful second born son - I love you so much and I'm so glad you've joined our family. I wouldn't want to experience life without you. It's tough but it's wonderful.

Annoying

2011-03-18T09:37:00.003-04:00

Okay, so why is my toddler so annoying these days?

Probably because...

1. The two-year molars are coming in (I stuck my fingers back there and felt them)
2. He's fighting a cold
3. The damn time change screws everyone up
4. He's still adjusting to having a baby brother at home (mommy's attention is diverted a lot of the time)
5. He's 2 years old

Of course, he's not always annoying. He's curious, smart, imaginative, cautious, talkative, adorable, and loving. But it seems that when I'm tired (or exhausted even), things that wouldn't normally annoy me actually annoy me A LOT! I actually pride myself on letting almost everything roll off my back; I'm really good at ignoring tantrums and laughing when I feel like yelling.

My defense are down. I'm super tired and getting a cold and I feel like I just can't handle certain behaviours right now. Namely, the toddler behaviours.

The next time RJ starts pitching a fit about bed time, meal time, diaper change time, clean up time, car seat time, and when we put the wrong episode of Dora on, and when we give him the wrong snack, and when when we wash his hair in the bath, and when I don't come play trains quickly enough...and whatever other time, I'll just do my best to chuckle and say DARN KIDS!!!

I think it'll get easier and easier to adopt this attitude as the weeks go by and I HOPEFULLY get more sleep at night.

Tired

2011-03-14T23:53:00.004-04:00

Today is my due-date but thankfully I've already given birth and had three weeks to recuperate. My little baby is three weeks old and I'm totally in love with him.

Yes, the whole family is head-over-heels in love with the "tiny soft baby" (as RJ says) but the exhaustion has definitely set in. Jai and I are walking around like zombies, knocking things over, dropping things, snapping at RJ (which we normally don't do), laughing giddily at ridiculous un-funny things, and generally feeling quite gross.

RJ is also getting sick again. I'm hoping it doesn't develop into strep throat like last time, but he's got a cold for sure and he's waking up 1 - 4 times at night. Jai and I are taking turns with each child, the idea being that whoever has 'night duty' with RJ will get more sleep. So if we take turns then we'll each get a decent amount of sleep in a week's time. Or something like that. The idea could work well enough if RJ ever sleeps through the night again.

Little JP cries a lot more than RJ did and seems to be quiet miserable at certain times (like when he farts and poops). We're trying various things to relieve his gas and discomfort. So far nothing seems to be working but we're going to give it a bit more time. He eats about every two hours all night long (11, 1, 3, 5, 7) and I have to keep telling myself that it won't last. Despite his tiny size, I keep forgetting he's a newborn!

Give it a few months, and I'll look back on this time fondly. The same thing happened when RJ was new. By six weeks into parenting, I was already lamenting the fact that RJ was no longer a teeny tiny newborn. I can already see that JP has a bit more chub than when he was born and it makes me sad. Sad in a happy way of course.

RJ at 30 Months

2011-03-06T20:48:00.002-05:00

Rainstorm at 30 Months – 2 ½ years old

As RJ moves further into age 2, it would appear we actually have two boys on our hands: a sweet tempered boy who is excited about everything and is kind and affectionate, then the nasty whiny boy who says no to absolutely everything and throws temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. It's quite clear that in order to see the sweet boy, a sufficient amount of sleep is needed.

We had our first experience with antibiotics this past month. RJ developed strep throat and was quite miserable for several days. I admit I was pretty miserable too as both Jai and I were up 5-7 times during the night for awhile.

Once the antibiotics kicked in and RJ started feeling better, he started resisting bedtime with amazing stubbornness. It was just another phase I think. It seems once every couple months, RJ decides he hates bedtime and will put up a huge fight. The 'bad times' always seem to last forever. We have to remind ourselves that it won't last - for instance, the month of December was awesome as far as RJ's sleep habits were concerned! Thankfully, even during the bad times, once RJ is actually IN his bed, he usually calms right down and goes to sleep without a problem. Often he'll talk to himself or the stuffed toy he has with him, but drift off within half an hour or so.

And speaking of talking, I'm constantly amazed at what comes out of our boy's mouth! He talks so much! He repeats everything we say (which is why we have to be careful now) and is constantly surprising us with the words and phrases that come out of his mouth.

So what else is new?
My bum is soaked – poor RJ!
Just kidding!
It sure is pretty out here!
We're on a nature walk!
I promise!
Oh bother!
Oh my goodness!
Watch this Mommy/Daddy!!
Good job Mommy/Daddy!
I'm kind of done!
Thank you so much Mommy/Daddy!
I don't know!

RJ loves to sing his favourite songs too. Sometimes he'll even wake up singing, which is much preferable than his waking up crying or screaming.

Zoom, zoom, zoom, we're going to the moon!

Old MacDonald had a farm, e, i, e, i, o!!!

Itsy Bitsy Spider...

A, B, C, D, E, F, G....

The major battles remain putting snow clothes on, getting into the car seat, getting his hair washed in the bath AND of course, food! Some days he'll eat, some days he won't. I'm always trying NOT to worry and I keep telling myself that he's healthy, he's growing and one day (when he's a teenager) I'll be crying over the horrendous grocery bills.

Strangely, though he hates getting into his car seat, getting his winter clothes on, and getting his hair/body washed, RJ actually loves going for car rides, playing outside, and playing in the water. Which is why it's so annoying that he has to throw a huge fit almost every single time! Jai and I just keep telling ourselves: “He's two, he's two, he's two, he's two...”

It would seem that we have a real big boy on our hands but there are still a few vestiges of babyhood leftover. For instance, RJ still sleeps in his crib, still has his naptime/bedtime bottle, and still uses diapers. These were all things I was hoping to work on this summer and fall, but when I got pregnant I stopped caring. I was too nauseous and tired to actually try and it seemed easier to just stick with our routines. We'll give everything a go this spring and summer. Just recently RJ stopped having a bottle when he wakes up and we've been giving him a sippy cup with milk and then toast and fruit. The transition was fairly smooth so I'm sure, eventually, we'll work our way out of diapers, cribs, and bottles altogether. Though I do expect a bit of regression with a new baby in the house...

Annnnd, speaking of that new baby, RJ has been adjusting rather well to his new little brother. He is fascinated by his tiny size and by all the funny noises he makes. He doesn't seem perturbed when the baby cries loudly and seems to have accepted the fact that mommy or daddy needs to sit down to feed the baby and can't always be up doing what he wants. RJ is quite rough, however, and has had to be stopped on more than one occasion from crushing his baby brother. Not on purpose however. I'm sure that will come later.

The next few months will bring many changes as we adjust to life with a new family member.

New Baby Visiting Etiquette

2011-03-06T14:00:00.003-05:00

If someone you know has recently had a baby and you're thinking about going for a visit, here are a few good tips:

Phone before you go.

If you don't phone and go over anyway, don't be surprised if the new mother is sleeping.

If she IS sleeping, don't go into her bedroom for a 'chat'

Don't try and guilt toddlers into giving hugs and kisses. Children should never be forced to hug and kiss.

Seems like common sense, but it isn't to everybody.

A few days after my first son was born, a certain relative came for a surprise visit. She appeared at the apartment as I was in the bedroom trying to sleep. I was laying on the bed in a tshirt and underwear, sweating like a pig. I hadn't showered and I was feeling ridiculously emotional and crying at the drop of a hat. I heard the doorbell ring and I heard Jai tell our visitor that “Sunny was sleeping.”

Then the bedroom door opened. It wasn't Jai, it was my aunt, apparently undeterred by the fact that I was sleeping. She stood in the bedroom door and proceeded to have an entire conversation with me despite the fact that I was clearly so unprepared for visitors.

I was angry about this for a long time. But I didn't say anything because it's easier to just pretend everything is okay.

Anyway, since coming home from the hospital with JP, I've been wondering when aunty would drop by for her unannounced visit.

She came Saturday at lunch time. I hadn't showered but at least I wasn't sweat-soaked and half-naked.

It's so hard to explain to some people the 'right way' to do things. I don't think my aunt has any sort of mental disabilities but she is emotionally unstable and anxious and maybe suffers from depression. She never had children and was married to an emotionally and verbally abusive man (until his death). It's so difficult to tell her certain things because the wrong word or phrase or tone of voice could send her into a downward spiral of self-doubt and fear and upset. And then – boom – two years later, she'll call you and ask you to explain what you meant on such-and-such a day and say she's been thinking and thinking about it and finally decided to talk to you.

It was a pleasant enough visit, nothing frustrating or annoying. Until the end when she was leaving.

She told RJ to come and give her a hug and kiss. Of course RJ said no. He doesn't know her very well and he's not in the habit of hugging and kissing people he barely knows. I remember when I was a kid, I would unintentionally say the 'wrong' thing to aunty and then I'd hear about how I hurt her feelings. I really don't want RJ and JP to have to deal with this. RJ wouldn't hug and kiss and he might have hurt aunty's feelings. I'm dreading the phone call, “Does RJ hate me? Was he mad at me?” UGH NO! HE'S TWO!!

I just don't feel like dealing with any of this 'stuff' right now. I've got enough on my plate.

Come to think of it, I forgot to hug aunty goodbye....

Recovery and Adjustment - Stream of Consciousness

2011-03-06T11:27:00.002-05:00

After almost two weeks of being home (and a mother to two), I would say we're doing quite well. We put JP in the spare bedroom (we're taking turns sleeping in the spare room with the him) until his sleeping routine is more established. Of course he sleeps most of the day away, but it appears at night he is waking every 2 hours to feed. It's rather difficult to sleep right next to him because he grunts and squeaks and makes a lot of noise while he's sleeping. Which is exactly how RJ was as a newborn baby.

So whichever parent spends the night with JP doesn't get a lot of sleep. The “off duty” parent sleeps downstairs with RJ and theoretically gets the regular amount of sleep – though RJ is having some sleep regression right now, waking up one or two times a night. Needless to say we're quite sleep deprived but we know that goes with the territory.

So far, JP seems to be a relatively quiet baby. He cries when he's hungry with the same tiny desperate cries that RJ had. He moves his head and roots his mouth around frantically and will start sucking on anything that gets in the way of his mouth. In the two and a half years since RJ's newborn time, I had forgotten how adorable the tiny open-mouthed baby bird look was!

In addition to the hunger cries, JP sometimes whimpers if he wants to be held. At least I assume he wants to be held because when being picked up the little whimpers stop. But sometimes, our little JP cries A LOT and unfortunately, we think it's because he has tummy troubles. He is so gassy and often cries when he has a poop. Poor little guy! I don't think it's colic because he doesn't cry continually, just for a few seconds (or minutes) while farting or pooping. Maybe he'll grow out of it.

RJ seems to be enjoying his little brother. He likes to tickle him and wants to show him favourite toys and tv shows. As most two year olds are, RJ is a little too rough around his brother but I'm sure after a few weeks, he'll understand about being gentle. At this point, I find it so hard to believe that one day JP will be a toddler and I'll probably have to pull them apart from fist fights!

My awesome husband is doing great too! He's exhausted for sure but he's doing so well. I feel, as I watch him with TWO boys now, that I love him even more than I did before. When we got married, I didn't think I cold love him any more than I did. Then we had RJ, and I felt my love grow, not just for my new baby but for my husband as well. And it happened again! We had another baby, and my my love grew! For the new addition and for my husband. My heart is exploding with love!

As for me, I can't believe how good I feel! Compared to how I felt after RJ's birth, I feel so amazing! While the labour and delivery itself was more painful, the time after and the recovery have been so much better. I was up and walking within an hour or two after giving birth (with RJ it was more like 24 hours) and I was able to sit on the toilet and get into the shower by myself. I could even get in and out of the hospital bed by myself. Once home, I had some major episodes of cramps (shrinking uterus) which prompted me to take regular strength advil or tylenol, but other than that, I haven't needed any sort of pain medication. It took several days for my body to feel the signal to use the bathroom or to eat and I have a bit of heart burn still, but all the nausea is gone. As is the disgusting post-nasal drip that caused me so much vomiting fun. I'm back to my old allergic reactions.

About 5 to 7 days after JP was born, the baby weight was gone, the whole 20 pounds! With RJ, I knew I was losing weight after he was born because I was still throwing up AND I could feel it happening as my clothes got looser and looser. This time, however, I didn't really think I was losing weight. I didn't weight myself right away and I didn't feel any smaller. I decided not to weigh myself until 6 weeks post-partum and then decide on a 'fitness plan of action.' But then RJ asked me about my weight so I thought, why not? And sure enough, it was gone. My belly, however, is not gone. It's definitely smaller than it was while pregnant, but it's jiggly and squishy and puffed out a bit. I'm not upset about this though, I think it's probably quite normal. Once the six weeks post-partum is up, I plan on tightening up the old abdomen through yoga and pilates. And running around after children of course.

So my body feels good and mentally I'm feeling pretty good as well. I had a few crying episodes but that is not unusual as I'm coming down from a 9 month long hormone high. My body and brain are going through some amazing withdrawal. I'm having feelings of inadequacy for sure. How can I possibly handle two children? How will I ever be a good enough mother? How will I ever find time to be alone with my husband? How will I find time for myself?

I know we will be fine - of course we'll be fine! We're taking it day by day right now and we'll continue to take it day by day in the days, weeks, and months to come. I have my doubts and worries, but I know we'll be okay.

Hospital Stay

2011-03-05T10:40:00.003-05:00

After we had been in our private room for a little while, my mom and RJ came to see us. They took the city bus, which was very exciting for RJ. When they first walked into our room, RJ was quite nervous to see me in the hospital bed. He looked kind of scared and went to Gramma and Daddy for hugs. Of course, I started crying as soon as I saw him. I never cry at the Hallmark moments (ei: baby placed on my stomach for the first time), I save the tears for later. I was so happy to see my little boy and have both my boys in the same room together! It seemed unreal that in a few short hours I had become a mother to two.

RJ was very intrigued with JP. He wanted to look at him and touch him and he even seemed aware of what had just happened - “The baby popped out of mommy's belly!” A nurse asked Jai for his name and RJ said, “No his name is JP!” The nurse was actually wondering about Jai's name but it was so fun to see that RJ understood this was a baby and he has a name. And not just any name, but the name we had been talking about for months!

RJ and Daddy went for a walk to the gift shop and brought me back a Cadbury Easter Egg – or a “Super Egg” as RJ called it. We also had a little picnic on my bed when the dinner came. RJ didn't want to try any of the hospital food (he had stuff to eat that Gramma brought) but he was very intrigued with everything on the tray. After about an hour, Jai drove them home.

While I was alone – well, not really alone because JP was there – Then Dr V (our family doctor) came to check him out and said he was perfect. She mentioned a slight case of jaundice but said it should clear up naturally in a couple weeks. She said it should be no problem to leave the next day. I was surprised she made it to the hospital so quickly, as in, how did she hear the news of the birth already?

During the nigh, the nurses took JP to the nurses station so we (the parents) could try and get some sleep. I was shocked because I thought the new rule (new meaning the last 25 years or so) was that babies stay with their parents unless medical attention is needed in the NICU. Our nurse Sill said that it's very common for the 'gals' at the nurses station to take the babies during the night. I figured, sure she can take JP and we'll try and sleep, but it was still strange. I don't remember anything like this during RJ's hospital time. Maybe it's something new they've started doing in the last few years, or maybe it's something that only a few nurses enjoy doing. I hobbled out to the nurse's station in the middle of the night for some pain killers and saw all the little bassinets lined up with sleeping babies (including a bassinet with twin boys!).

The next day, Erica was back to take care of us - I was happy to see her again. River went for his head-to-toe check up, received his heel prick, I got another Rhogam shot in my hip and was cleared to go by the doctor on call. RJ and Gramma came back to visit in the late afternoon and we all left together after dinner time. RJ wasn't nervous or worried at all during the second visit. He made himself right at home, jumping on the bed and wanting to go for walks all over the hospital. He went to the gift shop with Gramma and brought back a little silver heart – a present that he picked out for JP, all by himself.

We actually had supper there (or rather, I did) befoe we left because we had to wait until JP was checked out again. The new evening nurse took him away but then brought him back in a hurry as there was some kind of emergency. But then we were finally able to leave and journey home as a family of four – five including Gramma!

I was happy to get out of the hospital quickly this time. For one, it's too expensive to stay (our insurance doesn't cover the rooms) and for two, I was anxious to get home and begin the next chapter of our life.

Birth Story

2011-03-02T21:03:00.003-05:00

On February 22, we left the house just as RJ was waking up, so we didn't see him to say goodbye. Gramma was over already and we figured it was better not to see him for just a few seconds and then only say goodbye. So we left the house around 7:30am and got to the hospital just before 8am.

Jai left me in the waiting room and went to park the car. I carried our bags and pillows out of the waiting room and through the doors to the assessment and labour area. The nurses thought it was kind of funny that I was the big pregnant lady carrying all the heavy stuff. It wasn't really that heavy, plus I didn't I didn't want to leave the stuff in the waiting room.

I followed a nurse into the labour room that was to be mine. I changed into the hospital gown and Jai joined me in the room a few minutes later. The nurse's name was Erica – and she was quite awesome. Erica had a med student with her – Chris - who is hoping to make a career in respiratory type situations. He was learning about what happens after a baby is born with regards to their respiratory needs. Jai said that he stayed near my head or turned around during the more 'graphic' parts of the birthing.

Dr P arrived around 8:30, he had two med students with him – Arianne and Steve. The med student Steve checked my cervix dilation and then Dr P ruptured my membranes around 8:40.

A woman from the lab came and took my blood and Erica hooked me up to the Pitocin and an antibiotic (because I was positive for Strep B) on the IV. Around 9:15, the contractions started. They were four minutes apart and 45 seconds long. They were uncomfortable but not too painful.

They quickly became more uncomfortable and painful. At one point nurse Erica explained about the contractions (how they show up on the monitor) to her med student saying, she's feeling them pretty good right now but they aren't too painful. I remember thinking, OH YES THEY ARE!

At 11am, Erica checked and I was dilated to 7cm. Around 11:30, Erica gave me a small shot of Fentanyl in my IV for pain. It made my face feel funny and it relaxed my body between contractions but it didn't really stop any pain. We talked about whether or not I would actually have the epidural that I requested. She said if I did have it then it might slow the labour down. Also, if I decided I really wanted one, the anesthesiologist might not make it to Labour and Delivery in time. So I opted to forgo the epidural. Erica predicted I would deliver by 1 o'clock. She also told me I was amazing and she was very impressed by how I handled the contractions. I don't know if she says that to everybody but who doesn't like hearing encouraging words?

Shortly after 12pm I started pushing, just small-ish pushes. I pushed with Erica as a coach and Jai right beside me. Lucky Erica got to be right there for all the pushes that voided my bowels. I'm sure she felt very special. It's definitely not comfortable pooping in front of someone but I was glad everything - more or less - came out before the room filled up with the Dr and his med students. They arrived around 12:30pm. I wondered if the baby would come before the doctor even arrived.

I found it hard to push the way they were telling me to. They kept showing me where to push (Erica putting her hands in the proper place) but I didn't really understand what they meant. It was also really difficult to push because I felt like I had nothing to hold on to, people's hands weren't enough. But then someone moved the bed handles and it provided the leverage I needed to hold myself steady while I pushed. Somebody also kept telling me to put my chin down into my chest while I pushed. That was difficult because my instinct kept telling me to lay my head back.

Pushing was so tiring. I felt like every single push used up all the energy I had. They kept telling me to push with all my strength and "Get Angry" but I didn't feel angry. Plus I felt like I had no strength left. Despite the fact that there were more people in the room than I would have preferred (in the end you just don't care), everybody was really encouraging. I can't remember if the Dr said anything, but Jai, Erica, and the med students continually told me I was doing an awesome job.

After what seemed like an eternity - a PAINFUL ETERNITY - my little baby was born at 1:04pm. Erica called it - right around 1 o'clock. I was getting worried because I heard somebody say the baby was facing sideways and he was having trouble moving into a proper position. I also heard someone mention his dropping heart rate. Thankfully everything ended up being okay. Dr P put the baby on my stomach after he came out and I saw somebody cut the umbilical cord. Later Jai told me it was he who cut the cord so I was very happy to know that.

Thinking back, I remember as RJ slid out of my body, I thought it was the best feeling in the world. This time, as I felt JP slide out of my body, I wasn't thinking it was such a great feeling. It was actually still really painful! But then when he was out and on my stomach, and later being weighed and cleaned, I started feeling SO much better.

I felt the placenta slide out (one of the med students caught it) and then I told Jason to hurry up and get a picture of the grossness before they tossed it. Then we took pictures (or rather, Jason and the others in the room did) of the staff and the baby getting cleaned up and weighed. Dr P said I tore but I didn't tear as badly as I did with RJ. While the baby checking and picture taking was going on, Dr P stitched up my tear while the med students watched. The stitching pinched and stung a bit but, compared to what I just went through, it wasn't too bad.

We then stayed in the delivery room for awhile (Jason and I took turns holding JP) because there were no other rooms free for us yet. Apparently it was a really busy time of year to be born! We stayed in the delivery room for a couple hours until we were moved to a regular room, perhaps around 3 or 4-ish.

And just like that I was a mother to two.

And yes, my heart did indeed open up and make room for my new precious son.

This labour was quick and painful but overall, it was a positive experience. Every staff member and student was friendly and helpful and supportive. I felt that nothing went wrong and I was treated with dignity and respect.

My beautiful and wonderful husband was able to stay with me the entire time and he held my hand - when I wanted him to - and fetched me ice chips (awesome hopsital ice chips) and praised me to no end. Every woman should be so lucky to go through labour with such an amazing man (or partner).

After being home for a week now, I can only look back at my time in the hospital as positive.

He's Here!

2011-02-24T17:10:00.003-05:00

My little boy - known on this blog as JP - arrived on February 22nd at 1:04 in the afternoon. At birth he measured 19 inches and weighed 6 lbs and 1 oz. Right now his hair is brown and his eyes are dark blue. I expect both to change colour within a few months just like his older brother's hair and eyes did.

We only had to stay in the hospital one night so we're home as a little family of four right now. RJ is both thrilled and confused with his new brother. He wants to be with him but he wants all our attention as well. I think it'll take him some time to get used to the new family dynamic. It'll take me some time as well!

I expect to write out the birth story later on, time and energy permitting. We're all quite tired but we're hanging on. We're happy and healthy and we're all taking turns crying tears of joy and tears of exhaustion. We rock.

Any Time Now!

2011-02-18T21:01:00.002-05:00

The baby is going to come any time now. It's still early to go into labour naturally, but as I'm already dilated to 3 cm and I've been having regular cramps (contractions?), I could theoretically go into labour on my own before I get induced. But if that doesn't happen, I will definitely be getting induced very very soon!
.
My body is definitely ready. I can barely walk and everything is sore. I can't breath and I'm so uncomfortable. Sleeping is almost impossible so I might as well have a newborn around.

Our home is ready. We're trying to tidy as we go and get most of bigger chores done, as well as get groceries in the house. Everything the baby could possibly need (that I can foresee) is purchased and in place.

My mom is ready. She'll be able to stay with RJ while we're in the hospital and I know he'll be very comfortable with Gramma.

Jai and I are ready. We're nervous but definitely ready to start the next chapter.

The only one not ready is RJ. He's going to be blindsided by the newest member of the family. He has no idea what he's in for. I predict some regression, some tantrums, and a whole lot of whining. But we'll get through it.

Soon enough we're going to be a happy family of four. Tired, yes but very happy.

The Health of my Boys

2011-02-09T22:21:00.004-05:00

My older boy is on his first ever round of antibiotics. We noticed he had some cold-like symptoms about a week ago: runny nose, listless, lack of appetite, etc. But his voice also sounded really funny, like he was having trouble speaking due to a swollen throat. Sure enough, when we were finally able to take him in to the doctor, she immediately saw that it was strep throat. Well no wonder he was so miserable!

One day into the antibiotics and RJ is like a brand new boy. Or rather, he's back to his old self. He doesn't even seem sick anymore. He actually slept through the night (as opposed to waking up 5 or 6 times!) and he actually wanted to eat some food. He requested rice for lunch today, of all things! So in addition to better sleeping and eating, his voice sounds better, the fever is gone, the energy is back, as is the desire to play. All things considered, RJ was still in a pretty good mood while he was so sick. He tried to play a few times a day and he still smiled and tried to laugh.

My younger boy is still floating comfortably in my uterus, but for how much longer, we're not sure. At my latest pre-natal appointment, it was discovered that my blood pressure has sky-rocketed - just like it did during my first pregnancy. I spent yesterday morning in the hospital hooked up to monitors and waiting on blood test results. I'm on a medicine to lower the blood pressure (or at least keep it from rising more) and I'm to return to the doctor (and likely the hospital) on Tuesday.

As of now the high blood pressure isn't affecting any of my organs and little baby doesn't seem too disturbed either. However, the doctor will likely be inducing me before my due date. Baby number two will probably make an appearance around the 37th week of gestation. If he's anything like his big brother, the early arrival won't cause any problems at all.

I'm supposed to be resting as much as possible - bed rest. But complete bed rest, while desirable at this point, is impossible. I'm hoping just to take it easy for the next couple weeks and work very slowly at getting everything ready for the baby.

Compare and Contrast : Pregnancy Edition

2011-02-05T10:10:00.003-05:00

My second pregnancy is similar to my first pregnancy in a few ways but I've actually noticed that there are way more differences. The differences are one of the reasons I thought it might be a girl this time. But being pregnant with a different gender doesn't make a pregnancy different - it's each individual baby that makes a pregnancy unique.

So for starters, the similarities:

The big one is, of course, the gender. Pregnancy one and pregnancy are both with little boys.

The miserable first half with all the puking, though the puking was worse in the first pregnancy

The miserable second half with all the heartburn, though the heartburn is way worse the second time around

Hiccups - while in utero, both my boys were (are) plagued with hiccups 5 - 10 times a day.

The differences:

The belly. I think I'm carrying in the same way but the belly is so much bigger this time. It popped out at six weeks and hasn't stopped growing since. Some people didn't even know I was pregnant with RJ at the time I was leaving for for maternity leave. I got one stretch mark with RJ and....a whole lot more with this pregnancy! And it's not even done yet. To say I'm worried is a bit of an understatement.

The weight gain. Not too much more weight gained with this baby so far but I'm definitely the heaviest I've ever been.

Baby movements. RJ was a pretty active little fetus. This baby spent a few months delivering the most painful kicks I've ever felt (more so than his brother) but now he's slowed down. It's getting pretty tight in there.

Body aches. With this pregnancy, and perhaps the extra weight and bigger belly, I am so sore. All the time. Sore back, sore hips, sore pelvis, sore legs, sore crotch. Yes, sore crotch, isn't that wonderful? Everything hurts and I feel cheated because I was so incredibly spry all throughout my last pregnancy.

Cravings. With my first pregnancy, my cravings were much more pronounced and definite. With this pregnancy, I feel less like I need certain foods. It's all about the smells.

Seasons. Even though it was gross and hot during my first pregnancy (summer), I must say I preferred it to putting on giant winter clothes and struggling with winter boots.

Observant Two Year Old

2011-01-25T12:28:00.002-05:00

My two year old notices all kinds of little things that I don't. For example, he'll say, "Look at that Doggy mommy, he has green on him!" And I'll say, "No sweetie, that's a brown dog. He's not green." Then later I'll see that, sure enough, the dog is wearing a green collar. Oops, guess the wee child was right after all!

He's so observant about so many little details that I guess it's not shock that he's already noticing things about his Grandpa. I thought it would be a few more years before he started saying things. But last night he said to my dad, "Grandpa eats dinner downstairs." So I said, "Yep, Grandpa eats dinner downstairs after everybody else has already eaten." I didn't bother saying it's because he's an anti-social drunk who needs to eat JUST before he passes out for the night.

But it's amazing, isn't it? My son is just over two years old and he already KNOWS that Grandpa doesn't eat dinner with the family. It's just a fact of life for him.

How long before he starts asking about Grandpa's stench? Or why he acts different at night than he does during the day? Or why he can't put any coherent words together?

I think I'll be answering these types of questions a lot sooner than anticipated.

Dad in Denial

2011-01-21T09:25:00.002-05:00

It's been over a week since I gave my dad 'that letter'. I definitely did NOT expect him to fall down on his knees and beg forgiveness (that would have been awkward anyway). I didn't expect any major life changes either. But what I DID expect was better behaviour. Granted, it's only been a week. He probably can't process information and think properly with all his alcoholic brain damage. But seriously, I expected him to have a shower or something. Last night he was drunk as usual and talking to me like normal, like nothing had happened. BUT, when I arrived at my parent's house, he was still sober and he ignored me completely. So that's something. Perhaps it can be taken as proof that he did indeed read the letter and is angry at me. He wouldn't look at me or talk to me and he wouldn't look at or talk to RJ either. But after a few beer, everything is forgotten. I gave him a pamphlet for the in-patient rehab facility. I just handed it to him and left the room. I heard him turning some pages before he presumably threw it in the garbage. Next time I'm going to give him a listing of where all the AA meetings are around town. I have several pamphlets to dole out over the next couple weeks. Maybe I can annoy him into admitting his problem.

Pregnancy Etiquette

2011-01-16T13:07:00.004-05:00

During my first pregnancy, I was never very big. My doctor sent me for a third ultrasound to make sure that the baby was developing properly. And while I was bigger than my normal size, I never actually felt that big. I was still running around, doing my job at work, and aside from the nausea, I was pretty spry and active. I was still able to climb trees at 9 months pregnant.

This time around, I'm bigger. Not only am I heavier, but I have a bigger belly. It's plain to see how I'm bigger as the stretch marks are coming fast and furious. I'm also incredibly uncomfortable, sore, achy, and short of breath. Right or wrong, I associate these symptoms with my bigger size.

So yes, I'm bigger. But as it's been pointed out to me time and time again, I'm still not that big. There are other women who pack on 50-100 pounds and look like they're carrying multiples when it's really only a singleton. If I've ever complained about my "huge size" to a woman who gained a lot more weight, I've been shot down: "What are you talking about? Big? You should have seen ME? I was huge!!!! You're practically anorexic compared to what I was!!!"

So after hearing over and over how I'm not big AT ALL, I got it in my head, that I should precede comments about my big belly with more comments, letting my conversation companion know that I'm aware that my giant belly is relatively small compared to others.

How are you feeling Sunny?

Oh, not TOO bad. A little nauseous, lots of heartburn, and very uncomfortable. I'm just too big and I feel so gross. Oh, but don't worry, I know I'm not as big as you were.

Well, oops, maybe this wasn't the best strategy.

I said this to a friend recently - but don't worry, I know I'm not as big as you were - and she replied, "You always have to bring that up don't you?"

Ugh.

Foot. In. Mouth.

I apologized profusely and decided that from then on, I would complain about my size if I felt the need BUT let the other women take the lead on belly size comments. If she wants to tell me how tiny I am compared to her monstrosity of flesh, then I shouldn't deny her that pleasure. If she doesn't want to talk about her belly, then I shouldn't even bring it up.

Lesson learned.

A Morning at the Hospital

2011-01-13T16:19:00.002-05:00

Last month I complained about my doctor dropping the ball on several pregnancy related items.

From last month:

During my first pregnancy, the delivering doctor was looking through my files and said, "Oh okay, I see you had the screening for Downs Syndrome and that's a negative." Jai and I were like, Uh, okay, I guess they did the test without telling us.

So this time around I asked the doctor when the test was done and if this baby has also tested negative for Downs. She said I never had any tests for that this pregnancy OR last. What? How could I test negative for a test I didn't do? And of course by the time I asked her about it, it was too late for the tests. Which is fine really. But if asked, we would have done the test. Not so we could decided about termination, but so there would be no surprises on delivery day. We like to know some things ahead of time.

Then there was the whole Rhogam shot I had in my first pregnancy. I had one in my 28th week last time and if RJ had been a positive blood type, I would have had another shot right after he was born. But he had negative blood like me so I didn't need the second shot. I asked the doctor, am I getting the shot this time and she said, No you got two last time. Um...no, actually I didn't. One shot. I would have remembered baring my ass again to get that painful shot. Plus, I remember asking the nurses about it. They said not necessary.

Last time I was told I needed to be tested for Strep B (like all mothers are) near the end of my pregnancy. But this time the doctor swabbed me at the 11 week check-up. I have no idea if that's normal but I would think a lot can happen between 11 weeks and the delivery date.

And of course, this whole gestational diabetes screening thing...

So today we went to see the obstetrician who will be delivering the baby. He was a little put out that my file didn't have any follow up information sent about RJ, plus he had only been given parts of the information from my current pregnancy.

Talk about dropping the ball. My family doctor isn't giving the correct or all the information to the doctor who will most likely be delivering the baby. Awesome.

Then the Doc asks me when I had my RH shot. Nope, sorry doctor. I was told I didn't need it. Well it turns out that, yes, of course I need it! Oh, and interestingly enough, the blood type in my file is a totally different kind of blood type than I had with my first pregnancy. I'm pretty sure that's impossible so somebody screwed up there.

Off to the hospital we went for the RH shot. I was told to report to Ambulatory Care and they would direct me to the Maternity Centre where the shot would be administered. We went to Ambulatory Care and then Maternity but surprise surprise, I needed to have blood work done first! So the Maternity Centre sent me back to Ambulatory Care, who then sent me to the Lab. At the lab, they told me I had to go to Admitting. Which makes sense. Walk into the hospital and admit yourself! Very logical.

We finally got to Admitting, then I waited at the Lab until they called me for blood work. Then we had to wait an hour for the blood to be processed and the Rhogam shot to be delivered to the Maternity Centre. We waited in the Cafeteria and then made our way to the maze that is Maternity. A little more waiting and I got a very nice needle in my posterior.

At least it's done. And RJ was so well behaved and in such a good mood! It was a very long and tiring morning but it could have been a lot worse if RJ was in melt-down mode.;

Meeting with the delivery doc was also reassuring for me. He assuaged some of my fears about c-sections as I'd been stressing out about that since I got pregnant - my previous delivery doctor pretty much told me that next time a vaginal delivery would be very unlikely.

Well, two weeks and we go again.

Smells

2011-01-11T16:12:00.002-05:00

At the beginning of my pregnancy, I craved greasy food like burgers and fries. I also craved salads and fruit. I'm not really craving any particular food in the later part of my pregnancy though. Nope, right now I'm craving SMELLS!

There are certain smells that I just can't seem to get enough of. Scented candles, soaps, essential oils, and other perfume-y products of this sort.

I love going to the store and just standing in the soap aisles smelling stuff. The men's body washes are the best because they're so much stronger than the women's stuff.

Irish Spring...mmmmm

And I love the smell of tea-tree oil right now. I use it in the shower after shaving my legs, and I use it in conjunction with shampoo every so often to help my dry scalp. It's such a woodsy, earthy, and potent smell.

There's one smell in particular that I'm craving so badly but I can't find it anywhere. It comes in the form of an Avon bath product. I can't remember what it's called but I remember exactly what it looks like. We used it for years! My mom says it was called something simple like Blue Water. If having a bath, you would poor some of the blue gel into the tub and it would turn the water blue! When we got older we just used it as a body wash. And it smelled soooooooooooooooooooooo good!!

I ordered some Avon skin-so-soft body wash but it's not the same. It smells good but it's not the smell that I want. Apparently the Blue Water product has been discontinued. I wonder if I'll ever get to smell it again!!?

He's Back Again

2011-01-09T14:11:00.004-05:00

My husband has started blogging again. So far, this month, he's done more posts than he did in the last two years. He wrote a post today about our different roles as parents, it's pretty good!

Go check him out and show him some support! But not too much, right? Can you imagine how jealous I will be if he gets more than 8 readers this year? 8 readers is about what I've got after 4 plus years.

Dear Dad

2011-01-08T15:54:00.004-05:00

As it is the start of a new year, I've decided to write a letter to my dad. I can't talk to him about uncomfortable topics when he's sober because he will just walk away. I can't talk to him about most things when he's drunk because he rants and raves and flips out, then doesn't remember anything when he wakes up.

***

To Dad

I shouldn't be difficult to love a parent, but you make it very difficult.

You've told me time and time again that Mom has brainwashed me. If that is true, then you obviously think I'm too stupid to have my own thoughts and opinions.

But here's what I say to that:

I am an adult. I'm married, I have children. I have a high school degree, as well as two University degrees. I have worked at a hospital, a casino and a Methadone clinic for addicts. This is not bragging, it is illustrating the fact that I do know something about life, even if you think I don't. I am a grown up with my own thoughts and opinions.

I didn't and still don't need mom to tell me that I had a very frustrating and upsetting childhood. Yes, there are many good memories, but there are also MANY bad memories.

As a child I thought you were the strongest, biggest, and most handsome daddy. But kids are not stupid. Eventually I could see that you were different than other daddies. Other daddies ate dinner with their families, other daddies attended important school plays and graduations, other daddies spent quality time with their kids, and most importantly, other daddies weren't drunk EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

When I was 9 or 10 years old, I asked mom what was wrong with you. She didn't lie. She said you were addicted to alcohol and you were an alcoholic. She told us (me and Jesse) that it wasn't our fault and if we needed to talk to someone (therapist, pastor, school counselor) we were welcome to.

Poor 'brother' cried for three days when he learned this. Imagine being a small 7 year old boy and discovering that your father chooses to be drunk instead of spend time with him. And I felt the same way. How could my own father – who supposedly loves me – want to drink alcohol instead of spending time with the family?

I also don't need mom to tell me that I grew up with an emotionally and verbally abusive father.

My first memory of you is you telling me I was stupid for peeing my pants. I think I was 2 or 3 years old. Then there are years and years of you drunkenly telling me I'm a stupid, good-for-nothing-know-it-all. When I lived at home, you said that to me at least once a week, along with other hurtful things.

You've called me a slut, a bitch, a cocky bitch, an idiot, and many other things. You don't remember saying those things, I'm sure, because you were drunk. But I remember them. Words can hurt. Words can be just as abusive as fists. You can't be proud of yourself for NOT physically harming us because your horrible words have caused immense damage to my heart.

In addition to words it was the neglect and lack of caring that hurt me. You didn't come to my high school graduations – and there were TWO! You had two chances to attend. Mom and Jesse attended both. When I told you I was getting married, you just said, “I don't have to wear a suit or walk you down any aisle, do I?” Those two things will hurt me terribly. Those are also two things that most fathers would be proud to attend and participate in.

I don't hate you but I do harbour anger and resentment. I also pity you a lot because you've missed out on many wonderful and positive experiences of spending time with family.

What I honestly want to do is cut off all contact with you and keep RJ and 'new baby' far away from seeing what I had to see as a child. But since you live in the same house as mom, cutting off contact is not possible.

So here's what I would like to see happen: I would like you to quit drinking and be sober.

You say you are a Christian but you set a terrible example of how to live a Christian life. If you are a true Christian then you should be able to call on God to help you in your struggle.

In addition to that, there is a rehabilitation centre in town called the Sister Margaret Smith clinic – for drug and alcohol addicts. There are also many AA meetings all over the city and you can get a sponsor to hold you accountable for your drinking.

Here's what should happen: You need to be a cleaner person.

What is it with your fear of hygiene? Are you scared of wasting water? Well don't be. Mom pays all the bills so you don't have to worry about how much it costs to take a shower every day. Have a shower every day, wash your hair, and do your laundry more often. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom. All these are things that most people do in order to be clean and healthy.

I don't understand why you are so against basic NORMAL hygiene. You say doctors are full of shit and that germs don't exist. Well I can't argue with you because you don't listen to reason. But one thing is CERTAIN – you always smell very bad. At least keep yourself clean so you don't offend others with your stench.

Here's what else needs to happen: You have to stop talking like a drunken idiot in front of RJ and his future brother.

You don't remember the things you say – obviously – but RJ (and all children) are like sponges. They suck up everything they hear and then repeat it. I don't want RJ saying some of the things YOU say. So no more racist remarks (Indian Giver, Nigger toes, Italian recycle, Wet back, etc). And no more impolite language around him (Bullshit is the big one but crap is another).

Also, something to think about: You might not remember, as it was two years ago, but Jai's mother is dead. That is RJ's other Grandmother. Why? Because she was an alcoholic. Her liver was a mess of cirrhosis and the doctors could do NOTHING to save her. She was only 57 years old when she died. RJ will never remember her. 'New baby' will never know her.

Aside from not thinking about your own family, you also don't think about Jai. He hates coming to the house and seeing you drunk. It reminds him of his own mom and dad, drunk for his entire childhood. Your drunkenness is a slap in the face to the memory of his dead mother.

'Brother' and I used to pray together EVERY SINGLE DAY that you would get help for your problems. It never happened. And you know what? I honestly don't believe you CAN get better. I believe you are doomed to live out the rest of your life – however long that may be – as a drunken, depressed, dirty, old man who alienates his loved ones.

So prove me wrong.

I wold LOVE it if you proved me wrong and got the help you desperately need.

After 27 years, it's too late for us to have a loving father-daughter relationship. It might even be too late for us to be friends.

But you are only 60 years old. You could get help and work through recovery. You could change your life. It's not too late. Jai's dad has been sober for 7 years now. He got better for the sake of his health and his family.

You couldn't change for your own children, but maybe you can change for your grandchildren.

It's not too late to set a good example for RJ and 'new baby'. Do you really want your grand-kids to see you stumbling around the house acting like a fool? Because those are the most prominent memories that 'Brother' and I have.

I challenge you to get help. Yes, it will be difficult. But I'm challenging you to prove your love to the family. Do something good in your life and you will be rewarded with grandchildren who love you.

From Sunny

A Dirty Problem

2011-01-05T22:17:00.002-05:00

When RJ and I spend an evening visiting with my mom, a typical dinner goes as follows:

My mom starts getting dinner ready and setting the table

One of us gets RJ settled in his booster seat

My mom brings the food to the table

We start eating

We try not to make a big deal about the food so RJ doesn't think we're actually TRYING to get him to eat He usually starts eating within a few seconds.

Within a few minutes, my dad stumbles upstairs to use the bathroom. Then he notices that RJ is at the table.

Dad pulls up a chair right beside RJ and starts making funny faces, voices, tapping on the table, etc.

Inevitably, he starts telling RJ to eat his supper, which leads to my dad picking up RJ's food and then offering it to him. And then RJ picks up food and offers it to my dad, who sometimes eats it from RJ's hand.

My mom and I are cringing and trying to see how much contact is actually being made between my dad's hands and RJ.

My mom runs and grabs the hand-sanitizer and tells my dad - as she's done 100 times before - to clean his hands.

Dad flips out and says we're crazy. We think there's germs everywhere and we're brainwashing RJ into thinking the germs are taking over the world.

We try to calmly explain that after going to the bathroom, it's customary to wash your hands, especially before handling food.

This launches a catastrophic and incomprehensible argument about germs and how my mom is a tyrant and I'm brainwashed.

Poor RJ watches everything in fascination and starts to repeat parts of the argument with a huge smile on his face. He has no idea what's really going on.

So the dirty problem of my disgusting father is this: how do you explain about simple hygiene to a drunk who won't remember it after sleeping off the alcohol?

I can't print off information from the Internet because he says the Internet is full of crap. I can't give information through a doctor's note because he thinks doctors are full of crap.

He's getting worse and worse (dirtier and drunker) and I don't know what can be done aside from banning him from touching his grandsons. I can't do that without a huge argument and hurt feelings.

But something has to be done, and definitely before I have a newborn to worry about.

And for the record, I'm not a germaphobe. But even sloppy people - like myself - have to draw the line somewhere. I draw the line at a man who uses the bathroom and doesn't wash his hands, then makes food and doesn't wash his hands. Not to mention he only showers once every 5 months or so.

UGH

Re-creating fun

2011-01-04T20:46:00.003-05:00

RJ is a huge fan of routine. So much so that he wants to do things the same way all the time.

For example:

We ate pomegranate seeds while sitting at the train table one afternoon. So now we always have to eat pomegranate seeds in the exact same position.

We found a cork in the storage room one afternoon and threw it around for awhile, like playing catch. The next time he saw a cork, he was desperate to go and throw it around in the basement storage room.

We walk one way to Gramma's house and he always wants to walk that way.

On and on it goes.

And the repetition extends to his made up games too.

We gave him a whoopie cushion and he discovered he could step on it and make the funny noise. And we would say EWWWWWWWWW and he would laugh hysterically.

I put a dog puppet on my hand and sat on the couch while RJ ran back and forth and the dog barked at him, resulting in hysterical laughter.

RJ sat on Daddy's shoulders while daddy walked back and forth between the living room and the kitchen, ducking through the doorway each time. For some reason, this was hilarious.

These, and other games, are SO MUCH FUN when discovered that RJ wants to play them over and over again. And he wants to do it the exact same way. He orders us into the same positions as the initial game: "Sit here on the couch Mommy," and "Stand here Daddy." He moves us around until we're where we were the first time. Then we do everything the same.

The problem with this though, is it's not as funny. RJ laughs loudly for a few seconds and then he starts forcing his laughter. And you can see the desperation on his face: I need to make this AS MUCH FUN as yesterday (or whatever day)!!!

I can understand this. We would all like to re-live some of our most wonderful moments. At this point, RJ's wonderful moments consist of hilarious games played with Mommy, Daddy, and Gramma.

One day I hope his wonderful moments include things like high school graduation, his first job interview, his first house, marriage, and the birth of his first child.

Getting WAY ahead of myself here.

I'm definitely happy enough now creating and re-creating the good times for my little boy.

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T22:39:00.002-05:00

2010 was really a fabulous year for the Morningstar family. Buying and moving in to our own home started up our great year. We did some minor decorating and repairs over the spring and summer and look forward to doing more in 2011.

Perhaps even bigger than buying a house is the news of a pregnancy. June 2010 saw the beginning of my second pregnancy and 2011 will see the end. I'm anticipating a smooth, problem-free AND pain-free delivery. Wishful thinking.

2011 will be full of chaos and love and transition.

Survival of the Christmas

2010-12-26T12:04:00.002-05:00

We had a nice, quiet, and relaxing Christmas with the family. On Christmas Eve we went to church, Christmas morning we opened some gifts, then my parents came over for tacos in the afternoon. Unfortunately, RJ has a cold so he's been extra whiny over the past few days.

Opening stockings and gifts at our house is apparently a chore. The first thing RJ pulled out of his stocking with a big box of crayons. He immediately had to go and colour for 45 minutes. We finally got him back to the stocking where he found Disney's Cars action figures. He immediately had to go play for half an hour. By the time we finally emptied the stocking, it was nap time.

After nap, we gave RJ his miniature shopping cart with pretend groceries, which he loved. We decided to wait on the other gifts since my parents would be coming over with more to open (including a beautiful hand-made quilt from my mom).

My note requesting a sober Christmas was a success and my dad showed up having only had one beer (at a neighbour's hose). Not only was he sober, but he also showered and washed his clothes for the occasion. He still smelled terrible though - I febreezed the heck out of the chair he sat in after he left. I got a major headache from smelling the cigarette smoke every time he came back inside. But that's a small price to pay for a harmonious gathering.

We're continuing with present opening today and in the next few days. RJ opened some trains for his train table today and he still has a Sesame Street keyboard, a piggybank/music box, and a train set from Jai's dad to open. It makes me wonder if RJ will always be a kid that needs time to look at and play with each gift or will he eventually be a kid who rips through all the wrapping?

The best part of Christmas this year - for me - was hearing (and seeing) RJ's reaction to his presents. He's so vocal now and I loved hearing, "These trains are so cute!" and "I love these trains!" and "These crayons are so beautiful Mommy!" and "I love this stuff!" I love that my little boy can express his joy in such an adorable way.

Love and Hate

2010-12-24T14:59:00.002-05:00

After a few weeks where RJ was horrified by the very thought of getting his winter boots and mitts covered in snow, he is now ok. He loves to walk around in the snow, especially at night so he can see the Christmas lights and trees through house windows. He loves the street lights and he loves to chase our shadows (cast by said street lights). He also loves to climb piles of snow (if we can hold his hand), loves to shovel, and is really starting to enjoy throwing himself down into softer snow.

But he absolutely hates to be dressed for winter. In a rare moment of co-operation, he'll usually sit still and whine while we dress him for the cold. Most of the time, he throws himself on the floor and cries and screams - or he just runs and hides - if he so much as catches a glimpse of his coat.

**

In the fall, RJ hated bath time. He cried and thrashed and tried to climb out of the tub. If you were giving RJ a bath, there was no question that YOU would be having a bath too. Then we introduced bubbles and bath time love started again. But then it stopped. Just like that. One day, sometime this month, the bath time screams started again. Especially the washing of the hair.

But he still loves the bubbles. Oh yes, BUBBLES MOMMY!!! GREEN BUBBLES!!! He wants to touch and poke at all the bubbles. But then he gets some on his hands and he freaks out. So as long as he's freaking out, we start the scrubbing of the body and the hair. So much screaming! But after it's over, he usually calms down enough to poke at a few more bubbles and have a few laughs.

**

RJ loves to go places. But he hates to be put in his car seat. The screaming, the thrashing, the stiffening of the little body. Once he's buckled in, he sits calmly and placidly and chatters away with us, occasionally giggling. But getting him into that seat in the first place is becoming nearly impossible for my seven month pregnant body.

**

It's a fine line between love and hate in this household.

Doctor annoyances

2010-12-15T12:29:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was my 27-week pre-natal appointment. The doctor mentioned that in my 28th week I would have to do the screening for gestational diabetes. You know, just like last time. Except there wasn't a last time. In my first pregnancy, I had no gestational diabetes screening. I know this because a) I don't remember and b) I would have written it down. I wrote down everything that happened - every test I had - in my pregnancy journal.

The doctor said I would have to fast for 12 hours then go and wait around a clinic for two hours wherein I would drink some orange glucose concoction and have my blood taken twice. So my panic bells started ringing. I have to fast? And then drink a sugary drink on an empty stomach? And have blood taken twice? IMPOSSIBLE! Okay, it's possible but it would mean a lot of gagging and dry heaving. If I don't eat, I throw up. Throw some sugar drink in there and I'm done for. I would have remembered if I had to fast in my first pregnancy because I had the same issue.

I called the clinic to ask about the test and discovered that the doctor didn't check the box marked fasting on the medical requisition form. So even though she said I had to fast, I actually don't. No check mark no fasting. She also wrote down the one-hour test, which doesn't require fasting (as opposed to the two hour test which does).

So I'm very relieved. But also quite annoyed. My doctor keeps dropping the ball like this. Granted, this incident is a mis-communication and not a huge deal. But little things keep adding up.

During my first pregnancy, the delivering doctor was looking through my files and said, "Oh okay, I see you had the screening for Downs Syndrome and that's a negative." Jai and I were like, Uh, okay, I guess they did the test without telling us.

So this time around I asked the doctor when the test was done and if this baby has also tested negative for Downs. She said I never had any tests for that this pregnancy OR last. What? How could I test negative for a test I didn't do? And of course by the time I asked her about it, it was too late for the tests. Which is fine really. But if asked, we would have done the test. Not so we could decided about termination, but so there would be no surprises on delivery day. We like to know some things ahead of time.

Then there was the whole Rhogam shot I had in my first pregnancy. I had one in my 28th week last time and if RJ had been a positive blood type, I would have had another shot right after he was born. But he had negative blood like me so I didn't need the second shot. I asked the doctor, am I getting the shot this time and she said, No you got two last time. Um...no, actually I didn't. One shot. I would have remembered baring my ass again to get that painful shot. Plus, I remember asking the nurses about it. They said not necessary.

Last time I was told I needed to be tested for Strep B (like all mothers are) near the end of my pregnancy. But this time the doctor swabbed me at the 11 week check-up. I have no idea if that's normal but I would think a lot can happen between 11 weeks and the delivery date.

And of course, this whole gestational diabetes screening thing.

I can complain and complain but there's nothing I can do. The only other option is to have NO family doctor. In other more populated areas, you just switch doctors if there's a problem. Here, in North Western Ontario, you don't switch. No matter how bad your doctor is (and our doctor isn't really that bad) you stay. I would say half the population of the area doesn't have a family doctor. They either go to walk-in clinics or just don't go at all.

So we count our blessings. Thank God we have a doctor. And then we put up with the annoyances and just hope for the best.

Next month I'll be with the delivery doctor - aka the OB/GYN - so I won't see my family doctor until after the baby is born.

Christmas Dinner is Over

2010-12-06T11:39:00.003-05:00

My mom plans the family Christmas dinner (for my dad's family) quite early in December and then we can just relax on the 25th. So the big dinner is over now. RJ had a good time and looked adorable in his dress shirt and tie (or is it tye?). My mom cooked some fabulous food, as she always done, and now we don't have to think about it for another year.

Some highlights:

My mom told everybody to be there at 4 and we would eat by 5. The people who live the closest (two minute walk) were an hour late. They are every year. My dad starts freaking out about how they can't be on time for ANYTHING. Like he does every year.

During dinner, my dad's younger brother asks my mom about the pastoral search at her church. But he says, "our church" because he grew up going to that church. The whole family did. Despite the fact that he hasn't attended church regularly since he was a small child, he still calls it his church. Nobody says anything because he is developmentally delayed and there's no point speaking to him about things he won't understand. My dad says, "WHY DO YOU CALL IT YOUR CHURCH, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO CHURCH IN 20 YEARS!?" So I say, "Neither have you, did God give you a free pass?" And then it's revealed, much to my amazement that God did indeed give my dad a free pass. Wow!

While discussing my pregnancy, I mention to my dad's older brother that I only wear yoga pants now because that's all that will fit. My dad goes off on a tirade about how yoga is a pagan practice and it's evil and I wouldn't know anything about it because I don't read enough. I just say, yoga is an exercise just like Pilates and Tai Chi. Of course that doesn't go over well because apparently Pilates and Tai Chi are also tools of the devil. So I say something like, "Yeah, I know when I see a bunch of senior citizens in the park doing Tai Chi, the first thing I think about is Satan." At which point my dad glares at me and just says "SHHHHHHHHHhhhhh!" He would have said something else but he doesn't want his older brother to think he's a bad father.

Other highlights include admiring poorly done tattoos, talking about large vintage vehicles, and discussion about how one sister is too lazy to come to Christmas dinner. I'm just sorry I left before my dad started screaming at his younger brother for not taking responsibility and calling his landlord about the heat problems. He doesn't understand that this brother of his has the mind of a 12 year old. Then again, he can't understand that because I'm pretty sure my dad has the mind of a 13 year old.

Hmmm...it occurs to me that our family Christmas dinners would be a lot more tolerable if a certain hypocritical know-it-all just stayed in the basement. Or if a certain daughter just ignored his stupidity. Well I'm not going to ignore it so I might as wel have fun with it. Either that or someone has to tell Daddy Dear that he's not invited.

Christmas Season

2010-12-05T14:11:00.002-05:00

It's December so now it's safe to get all holly and jolly. It's safe to embrace the Christmas spirit and revel in the decorations and the songs and the sparkly wonder of it all.

Of course the stores have been decorated for over a month now. In some cases, the Christmas stock came out before the Halloween stock was put away.

And I think I'm in a minority when I say this, but early Christmas decorations don't bother me at all! When I see the little Santas and trees popping up right after the pumpkins are put away, it doesn't annoy me. It does, however, make me happy.

As a child I remember waiting for Christmas with anticipation. The count down took forever! As I got older, the season started sneaking up on me. Time seemed to pass so quickly. School would start and before I knew it, it was Christmas break. Already?

Then it was over. As quickly as it had come. I guess when you're an adult with adult responsibilities, there's just not enough time to wait around impatiently for one day on the calendar.

So when the decorations and carols come out in late October/early November, I think it's nice. Time is still passing quickly, but when I can see all the sparkly reminders of Christmas for more than the month of December, it seems to make the whole holiday season last just a little bit longer.

And that's a good thing because I've always loved Christmas.

Family Resemblance

2010-11-29T11:11:00.004-05:00

I look like my mom. There's really no way around it. I tried to deny it when I was younger because I thought to look like my mom meant having red hair and freckles. I guess I thought that was a bad thing.

I remember when I finally realised just how much I look like her. I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror because I'd just discovered that if you turn the lights off your pupils will dilate. Then if you turn the lights on again, your pupils will quickly contract. I was fascinated and turned the lights off and on and off and on, watching my pupils. Isn't it nice that I was amused by simple things?

Anyway, I'm not sure what happened, but I caught a glimpse of myself between light flashes and was shocked - SHOCKED - by how much I resembled my mother. Looking in the mirror at that moment, was like looking at a picture of my mom as a young girl (albeit with different coloured hair and no freckles).

I think it's very common for a daughter to resemble her mother. I look like my mom, she looks like her mom, and she looks like her mom. I also find it interesting that out of all my grandmother's granddaughters, I'm the only one that looks like her.

My mom has a daughter and also has three brothers who have one daughter each. So, four granddaughters and we all look totally and completely different. Each looks like their own mother (who married in to the family). So while I'm the only one who didn't share my grandmother's last name, I'm the only one who actually looked like her.

So, all this to say that, YES, I look like my mom. A lot. Same eyes, same nose, same ears, same facial structure. We do have differences though. Different body type, different hair, different skin tone. But overall, the resemblance is striking.
Everybody says so. Everybody except for one person.

My dad seems to think I look just like him. For as long as I can remember he says I look like him and my brother looks like mom.

I have no idea what he's smoking!!

Actually I do. He smokes the cheapest cigarrettes on the market.

Anyway, two nights ago, we had a really long conversation (argument) about who I look like. It's not a huge deal, and it's impossible to win an argument or reason with a drunk man, but why not? Why not persue it? It's not hurting anybody.

So I won't let it go. He says we have the same nose and face and that my brother has the same features as my mom. If you look at pictures of my dad as a young child, you'll see my brother looking back at you. Granted, my brother does resemble my mom a bit, just like he resembles some of male relatives. But the voice, the body type, the height, the ears, the nose, the eyes, the skin colour, it's all DAD. My brother is a younger slightly fairer version of my dad and I'm a younger slightly darker version of my mom.

I've just been thinking on this and dwelling on this because I'm very curious to see what my newest baby looks like. My first son looks so much like me and my brother (as a baby) and my mother. Yet, I always thought boys were supposed to take after their fathers. Do some boys grow up looking like the mother's side only? I think that might be so. My brother looked like my mom while he was a young child (maybe that's why my dad still thinks this is the case) but he seemed to grow out of it. Time will tell if RJ grows up to look more like his father or more like my male relatives. And if RJ looks like my family, will baby number two look like Jai's family?

It's all so interesting!

My dad says RJ looks like him. Rightly or wrongly, I take that as an insult. RJ looks like ME and I do NOT look like my dad.

Anyway, blah blah blah. Return to your regularly scheduled programs.

RJ at 27 Months

2010-11-24T09:19:00.004-05:00

- The snow is on the ground to stay. RJ is handling it much better than he did last year. Last year, he would often just stand wherever we put him and refuse to move. So far, this year, he seems to enjoy the time he spends outside but he doesn't actually want to go outside. If I ask him, "Do you want to go outside?" he says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

- The words and phrases are coming so quickly. The amount of vocabulary that has appeared since the summer is constantly astounding me. RJ will try and repeat just about everything we say and he's even begun to answer our questions. Mostly yes or no answers but some more complex questions as well.

- RJ is really good at playing by himself but he loves to have us close by. If we sit down in a chair, he'll pull us over to the play area so we can keep playing with him. Of course, playing with RJ often just entails sitting nearby while he continues to jabber at his trains or trucks, paying little or no attention to his companion.

- RJ often sleeps through the night but does have one or two nights a week where we want to pull our hair out in frustration. Sometimes he takes a REALLY long time to fall asleep and when that happens, he wakes up in the night and then wakes up early.

- The eating is getting better and better. RJ is starting to try more foods and actually ask for more. And, what's even better, he's starting to tell us when he's hungry or thirsty.

- What's not cool is the obsession with the fridge. This month, RJ pulled on the fridge door so hard that he actually opened it himself. Time to install the child lock I think. What RJ loves to do is stand in front of the fridge for 10 minutes and choose a container of yogurt. Then he wants to go to the cutlery drawer and spend 10 minutes choosing a spoon. Then after all that, he'll decide he doesn't actually want to eat yogurt. I don't know if this is some sort of testing of boundaries or if he just loves the ritual of picking out a yogurt and a spoon. Either way it's annoying. Several times I've just opened up his mouth and forced him to eat some of the yogurt. I know that sounds horribly cruel but after I do it, he decides, "Oh yeah, yum, I actually DO want it."

- RJ has discovered Care Bears and is totally in love. But I don't think anything has come even close to the beloved Blues Clues yet.

- RJ now wants to walk downstairs by himself at naptime and bedtime. Then he wants to hide. So what starts off as a pleasant routine - walking downstairs together - often ends in frustration - me forcibly hauling RJ out of a hiding place while he whines and goes limp. But once we're settled in the rocking chair with the bottle, he calms right down. Yes, he still LOVES his bedtime bottles (though we've finally eliminated the morning bottle). After the bottle, we have to sing and talk about body parts, and play patty-cake. This would go on forever if I let it. Then I say it's time for bed and RJ needs to cuddle. But he doesn't want to cuddle until I actually get up to put him in his crib. Then it's, "No mommy, cuddle cuddle cuddle!!!" So we cuddle for a few minutes and then it's into the crib.

- RJ is so good at naming colours, body parts, and animals. He always surprises me by the information he retains. He's getting really good at letters and numbers too. His favourite song is the Alphabet song, and he's proud because of how he can almost sing along. Mostly he just throws out one or two words while singing, but the Alphabet song is getting good.

- He is particular about messes and yucky stuff on his hands (or other parts). If he gets a bit of marker or food on his hands, he immediately wants to wash his hands. If he drips some food on his clothes, he immediately wants to change. If he spills a bit of water or juice on the floor, he immediately needs a tissue or towel.

- We're not making any real progress with the potty training and I'm still not overly concerned. For awhile he was telling me every time he pooped but that has stopped. I sit him on the potty every night and occasionally see results, but he really does hate it. He's also not too fond of having his diaper changed, especially if he's in the middle of playing. He does love having his bum changed at bed time and nap time though. I think it's a stall tactic though. While we're cuddling and talking before sleep, he'll ask to have his bum changed several times with an impish grin. Yeah right buddy.

- RJ knows where mommy's baby is and can point to my belly when asked. But I really don't think he knows what's going on. I think he'll understand more he an feel bigger kicks. Sometimes when we're cuddling, he'll feel a small kick and he tells me it's his heartbeat.

- RJ is still obsessed with his crayons and his notebook and magna doodle. Anything that lets him draw is a good thing. Surprisingly, he has only tried drawing on non-paper items (door, wall) a few times. He knows he's supposed to use the paper only but sometimes you can see the wheels turning as he looks around and slowly stars to head towards a wall. One word of warning is enough to head him off. There's a big purple line on the door that whenever he sees, he says, BAD!

- RJ is obsessed with the furnace too. Every time it comes on, he gets very excited.

- Though sometimes he gets nervous. Loud or sudden noises often startle him. And I must admit, I find this to be adorable and wonderful. When RJ is startled or scared, he runs to me for a hug and I want to enjoy that while I can!

Mom, Jai, add some information in the comment section...

Answering Question

2010-11-19T08:33:00.003-05:00

Is is a milestone when your child starts answering questions?

We've been asking RJ questions for months and months but he never answered them. He would just look at us, smile, and repeat what we had asked in an adorable baby voice.

Then one day, we noticed he was actually saying 'yes' and 'no' to some questions - obviously the ones with yes or no answers.

So before it was:

Do you want to go outside RJ?

Outside RJ.

and

Are you hungry?

Hungry.

Now it's:

Do you want to go outside RJ?

NO!!!

Are you hungry?

YES!!

Of course, any questions that does not require a yes or no answer is still met with repetion:

How old are you?

Old are you.

Where's Gramma?

Gramma.

Except of course for the colour question. When asked his favourite colour, he looks down at his shirt and says whatever he sees there.

It's progress I tell you!

He's teasing us

2010-11-18T09:26:00.002-05:00

Earlier this week, RJ was taking a really long time to settle down and go to sleep. He was screaming and crying and whining and making a huge fuss for up to an hour before he would fall asleep. But then...he slept right through until 8 the next morning. Sweet!

But I wasn't thrilled with those hour long scream-fests. I had plans for that time after RJ went to bed and they didn't include comforting and cuddling and and rocking and reassuring.

So then two nights ago, RJ went down without a fuss. Easy, simple, stress-free bedtime!
But he woke up 3 times in the middle of the night. Same thing last night. Went to sleep without a fuss but then woke up 3 times crying.

Which is worse? Which is better? A horrible and delayed bedtime followed by sleeping through the night? Or an easy bed time followed by constant wakings?

It's hard to say.

But I'm pretty sure our child is doing it on purpose.